What do you think of my worship song?

okay.. tell me how it is...
and be serious!!!
I'm in the youth worship band at my church... I wrote this... tell me how it is.

I follow your ways. by:hailey cowan

You, give us all we need
While we choose to please ourselves
And, You forgive all our mistakes
Still we choose to blame
Our problems on you
On you.

chorus:
You have put us here for a reason
And we will, do as You say
Your word has, captured my heart
And I, Oh Oh I I'll follow Your way
Yeah, I'll follow Your way

You hear our prayers and cries
When we're hurting deep inside
Oh, Oh
You mend our broken hearts
And yet we tend to drift away from You
Oh we do.

Chorus:
You have put us here for a reason
And we will do as You say
Your word has, captured my heart
And I, Oh, Oh I, I'll follow your way
Yes I, Oh I, I'll follow your ways
2x

Bridge:
I'll follow Your ways
I'll follow Your ways
Oh I, I'll follow Your ways...

true opinions please

come on guys help me out here

Seriously...It's great !! - you should be very proud - Praise filled !! - Shining the light on the most worthy, the Great I Am !!

It sounds really good to me. The only thing I could think of that maybe you could change is during the chorus where you have And I, Oh Oh I I'll follow Your way change to And I, Oh Oh I'll follow your way because you don't need the extra I in there since I'll is I will. Also during the second chorus where you have Yes, I Oh I, I 'll follow your ways change to Yes, I Oh I'll follow your ways because again you don't need so many I's in the verse.

...I guess when your subject is 'Jesus' you can't really come up with something original.

1. Eliminate the commas - they're unnecessary.

2. 'And yet we tend to drift away from You' is an exceptionally awkward line. It's out of place. Change it.

3. Meh. The whole thing just doesn't fly.

Not bad at all does it go with a tune or does it have it's own?

Personally, I think it's very good. Set to music, I'm sure it will flow just fine. (And no one will hear the commas.) :-)

haha thanks guys!!!
and I'll fix those changes...

it goes to music...

Very well done! Did you know that Christianity was originally called 'The Way'? In the book of Acts, the term 'Christian' first came to used at Antioch. It would be nice to hear a MP3 of this!