How much abuse should I put up with before I leave?

I am in dire need of advice. About 4 years ago I thought I had met the man of my dreams. We had dated for a year and then he asked me to marry him. I was thrilled. I had a child and he loved him like his own. After our wedding he changed. He had a really bad temper. He would get angry over the littlest things. Now I understand I'm not perfect, but some things seemed to me unreasonable. A few months after we were married he started abusing me. It started off small, he would throw things at me, other times she will push his face against mine and then dump something on my head. He would often yell at me and call me names. He has call me a stupid b*tch, a stupid f**ker, a wh*re, a dumb woman, just about everything in the book. He would shove me or knock me down. Occasionally he would punch me in the arm or the leg. Each and every time he would promise me that it would never happen again. Honestly I'm not sure why I keep staying. I used to watch movies where the wife would be abused and think to myself I will never let that happen to me. Well here I am. I got pregnant about 1 year ago. While I was pregnant I made excuses to my friends about why I would be bruised. Everyone thinks he is the perfect guy. I'm afraid to say anything to my friends or family about what happens behind our closed door. We had a beautiful baby, and it only took a few days before everything was the same again. I've tried telling him that he wouldn't want our daughter thinking this is okay for her, so please try to show her what a good husband can be. Once during one of his tirades I called a close female family relative of his to come and help me deal with him and she came and he calmed down. The most recent episode ended with me calling her again for aid. He had got upset with me for not answering my cell phone. I tried to tell him it was on silence for work. I work full time while he is finishing up school. He has told me how stupid I am. I walked into the kitchen to make a bottle for our baby and he threw a book and hit me in the back. He then lunged at me and grabbed my neck. He threw me against the fridge and then into the counter. I fell to the ground. I grabbed our baby and ran to my other child’s room and told him to run to neighbors. He stopped both of us. He tried to take the baby from me and grabbed my hair and bashed my head into the wall. I was trying to get out of the house. He took our baby and put her in the car seat and told me that she was his. I called his family member to come and help me. He tried to leave with her. I stood in front of our door and told him to leave her with me. I wrapped my arms around the handle of her car seat and he pulled them off. I gripped as hard as I could. Thankfully his family member arrived. While I was trying to let her in he began to choke me and kept closing the door. I managed to break free and get the door open thinking he will not do this in front of her. He cares too much about what she thinks. He again stated choking me tying to get our baby out the door. His family member helped get him off of me. He finally left. That was the last time it has happened. For the past month he has been better. He still calls me names but no abuse. I'm hoping he has changed for the better. Well about a week after that happened; a man who I’m friends with has been very friendly to me. He hasn't hit on me, but I know there is an attraction there. He is very kind to me and has made me feel good about myself. I find myself thinking about him. I find myself wondering what would happen if we were together instead. I don't know if I'm only thinking about him because my husband is so mean or what. I'm so confused what to do. I believe I want my husband, but not like this, not like how he has been. If he could go back to the way he was when we dated or even before we got married. I would be so happy. I have a feeling that he is going to do something like this again. How much should I put up with before I leave him? I worry about the kids. I worry about what kind of example I'm setting and I worry about what will happen to them if we do leave. I do still love him, but I’m not sure if that's enough. I want to know why he does this to me. He says I make his life hell. I really don't try to. No one knows this side of him other than that one family member of his. I have no one to talk to. It’s hard getting up everyday trying to love someone, when you feel like they hate you. I wish I was worth enough to him that he could stop this. Every time it happens, I feel so worthless and so lost. I don't know what to do for my family. Should I just wait it out and see if it happens again? That's not really been working for me so far. I know that some of his anger is validated. I know I'm not a picture perfect woman. But ever since this other man has been so nice to me I have started wondering if maybe I do deserve someone better. I was in a relationship before that didn't workout and that guy was not good either. I don't know why I'm always with someone who thinks so little of me. It's nice having some attention and feeling like I'm worth the effort. While this man has never made a pass at me, he has flirted a little. I really enjoy being around him. I think it is because of how nice he is to me. My husband always tells me that I'm the problem that's why he does it and that's why my previous relationship didn't workout. If this is true, how do I fix it? I need so much help. I'm so confused about what to do. What do you think?

I think you married too soon.

Especially in your situation, having a child. One year is simply NOT enough time to get to know a person well enough to consider marriage. He's blaming YOU for HIS violent temper and abusive behavior... which is complete bullsh*t. Bottom line, he's abusive, so you're putting yourself and your child in danger.

Drop him...

you need to get out any sign of abuse exspecially when there is physical IS the sign to get out if my mom had not have gotten away from my dad she would not be alive today.most physical abuse from a man is mental stress or a past experience but anyway GET OUT

you need to leave him abuse starts out small, and later he could kill you, leave him think about your kids,if he could hurt you he could hurt your kids.

my mum was in a relationship like urs, but gt help and now her ex is in prison, 4 dugs, abuse, and more he was a really eevil man but with the help she got she got rid of him, and with hardly any support xept from me and my grandma, he asked her 2 marry him, but she said yep or else he wud have beaten here until she had no move ment in gher body, he beat her up like your husband probably does 2 u, or worse he even tried 2 set her on fire, cut her hair off, stab her, crak her up with a hammer, in front of me and my little bruther, my mum left I almost 2 late 2 rid of him, but all she did was call the police, and walked out on him the police arresed him 4 all the drug abuse etc.now she is a lot happier without a boyfriend and has a nice house money, the journey was tough but sill she g thru it all ! hop this helps x

my mum went through the same with my dad he was a bastard to her he beat her in front of me and I hate him your kids will hate him to if he carrys on now my mum is well rid of him ands shes so much happier she has a new boyfriend and he treats her like a princess. I say leave him and build your own life take him to court for custody of your child from now on report every thing to the police so its all recorded down and he wont have a leg to stand on xx

No need to ponder this one, there has never in the life of human relations been such a simple issue to resolve.
YOU LEAVE HIM.
YOU must get in into your upsidedown head that NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HIT YOU or do any unwelcome thing to your body!
They get NO chances- one hit and they are out!

LEAVE HIM!

END OF!
PERIOD!
Your kids will grow up to accept violence in the way that you do-
DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS BEATEN UP ALL THE TIME?
Do you want to know what pain is worse than your own-
I will tell you MOTHER!

KNOWING THAT YOUR KIDS ARE IN PAIN because you - their supposed protectorate -DID NOTHING TO PREVENT IT!

If he didnt make you believe that his violence was your fault, you'd leave, right?
This guy doesnt even know he has a problem, so theres absolutely NO chance of things even starting to get better within the next few years.Usually this behaviour is difficult to fix whilst the violent person is in a relationship. Its only when they get dumped all the time that they might start to wonder if THEY MAYBE HAVE SOME ISSUES!
LEAVE HIM, and the next one who hits you even once-
Then you will meet a nice one :-) really you will, thats the way it works :-)

You cannot put up with anymore, I would have left after the first hit. You need to get out of this relationship immediately.

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