I have finally met Mr. Right. I love him more than I ever loved any man. My son finally met him and proceeeded to tell him about all the fights he has been in including using drugs in the past. My boyfriend stated that he needs to be straightened out. My son is disobeying since he met him. He liked him until he met him. It is as if he is scared of me having a man in my life and how it will affect him. What shoould I do? I would give my life for this man. I am tired of living alone and have been divorced for 3 years now.
Your boyfriend needs to let you two deal with this. If he thinks "your son needs to be straighten out," then he is creating an alpha-dog situation where both men are going to try to be the boss. You will get caught in the middle, and you WILL be forced to choose.
First, tell your boyfriend that he is not your son's parent until your son says so. (That might be a while, so tell him to butt out. This is about the relationship between you and your son, no matter what. His involvement could destroy both your love and your family. I've definitely seen it happen.
Second, sit down with just you and your son. Tell him that his behavior has changed, and that you think it has to do with this new guy coming into our family. Keep asking him what is really happening, until he's comfortable opening up about his fears. Keep telling him "I love you." He's probably afraid that there isn't enough love to go around. So he doesn't want to share you. It's the same thing when a new baby comes into the house. Keep reassuring him and giving him the time and attention so that he knows he is loved. Tell him that when he acts out, it makes you withdraw away from him.
Say, "If you want more time together, just ask." And when he asks, give it to him, or give him a time when you can spend that time together. You are teaching him to "share" you and that's a really important life lesson.
I agree with what some people say, YOU should be in the position to "straighten your son out" - but hey, listen to my point, I know what this kid's going through... I'll explain it from the child's view...
I'm 17 years old now, when my parents split I was 11 years old. The thought of my parents ever finding another love scared the sh*t out of me. I'd think to myself, "I don't want a new dad (step-dad) and I could never imagine my mother being with anyone else apart from my father, but in reality, they were never getting back together. When my mum told me she was dating again, I was 16. I could tell she was a lot happier with this man, she truly did love him, and we ended up moving in with him, I had to change schools, make new friends - the whole kaboosh! and this was in the space of about 8 months... Yeh, it is very tough on the kid, you need to give him/your partner some more time to bond, find their common interests and they will grow a relationship... but on the other hand, your son ( I don't know how old he is...but..) should see that you are in love, and he should try and respect that you are in a relationship and he sorta needs to share you - if that makes sense... but don't feel as if you need to change/end your relationship because your son might just be being stubborn and selfish...
Hope this advice has helped - all the best.
Aims. X
You DO NOT show your on the respect her deserves, my mother made the same mistake, and I have not respected her since. How can a mother allow a man to come between that special bond, your "MR.RIGHT" should NEVER discipline your child in any manner, that is crossing the line, YOU are the mother, and you are the one who he loves, have you not considered there is a reason he does not like him? Give him time, not pressure, if you continue this pressure you will damage thetrust your child has in you.Ive had to leave my home and live with my father becasue of my mothers inability to love me enought to listen. When you marry a man, he not only marrys you, but your children ALSO, and vice verssa, your children are married (or "stuck") with him...do you want to force this apon him? Taking away one of the biggest influneces he has?
Dear frognkentucky, Any discipline or straightening out should always be done by you. This man has no business handling any of this. There could be a few reason why he spoke with your boyfriend this way...one could have been to scare him off the other is that he needs a male in his life to confide in and talk too. He didn't succeed at either and now he probably is acting out. If you are serious about having this man in your life and are fully confident that it will be a committed relationship then it's time for some ground rules. If you are not sure how this relationship will end or not then keep him away from your home and son. It's never a good idea to birng someone home who you haven't established to be a part of your lives for a long time. Sue...good luck
you can't "make" your son like anyone. he either has to like him or he doesn't.
period.
don't force the issue.
explain to your son that you care about this man and you would like the companionship of another adult male.
ask him if there is any particular reason why he doesn't like this man in your life now. and be patient.
remembe,r your son lost a father in the house when you divorced and the hurt might still be there...
I had the same problem with my step dad I new he was bad news the first day I met him . but hw won me over by buying me heaps of stuff . he has now had a child with my mum and they were ingajed but he left her now my mum is a single mum with 3 girls and a lot of debit . if you love this man than show your son how much he means to you and that you would never do anythign to her him ( your son)
You can't get your son to like him. Your son has to do that on his own. I, being young myself, watched my mom marry someone else other than my biological father, and it was strange. Now, I'm okay with him. But, you might want to involve your son in the relationship, like all of you going to a movie. It'll help ease his tension.
Best of luck, lots of love, Kizz Cheese
your son thinks your new guy will replace his dad all u need to do is talk to him and then talk to your guy.. just talk to him and dont rush it!! please!! becuase if you rush it that will make him want to fight all the more!!
All right well i wish you the best of luck and i hope that helps
Tell your boyfriend to spend more time with him. Your boyfriend should take him to a ball game or an event that they both like. It'll give them time to bond and get use to each other. Before your son can see him as a father he needs to see him as a friend. good luck :)
Well thats good that you've found the right guy for YOU, but mabey you should think and see who you would rather see happy. your son, who will love you no matter what , or you and some guy who could possibly leave you
You should never force them together. I should know because im a kid a 13 year old and my mum started dating and i hated it! my mum made a trip out for just me and him and we bonded. and we had a laugh try that.
um well u need to talk to your son but dont rush things with your guy erthier and your son is just scared and he thinks your new guy will replace his dad all u need to do is talk to him and then talk to your guy
um have yuou boyfriend go with your son to a amusimic parck movies anyware and spend the day having fun with each other alone and show your son that your boyfriend is not a very bad guy after all
your boyfriend and son should spend some quailty time 2 geather ! they should go out and do some think your son likes ! include you r son so he dont think his be ing pushed out !
maybe your son is just scared of having another male in the house . maybe u should sit down and ask your son why he doesnt like your new man and maybe you can work it out.
yea I agee eith all the rest, just dont rush things but he seems perfect and good luck with that.
how old is he ?message me back on that and I will try and help you
Don't rush things, maybe he is use to being the man of the house!
