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Your boyfriend needs to let you two deal with this. If he thinks your son needs to be straighten out, then he is creating an alpha-dog situation where both men are going to try to be the boss. You will get caught in the middle, and you WILL be forced to choose.
First, tell your boyfriend that he is not your son's parent until your son says so. (That might be a while, so tell him to butt out. This is about the relationship between you and your son, no matter what. His involvement could destroy both your love and your family. I've definitely seen it happen.
Second, sit down with just you and your son. Tell him that his behavior has changed, and that you think it has to do with this new guy coming into our family. Keep asking him what is really happening, until he's comfortable opening up about his fears. Keep telling him I love you. He's probably afraid that there isn't enough love to go around. So he doesn't want to share you. It's the same thing when a new baby comes into the house. Keep reassuring him and giving him the time and attention so that he knows he is loved. Tell him that when he acts out, it makes you withdraw away from him.
Say, If you want more time together, just ask. And when he asks, give it to him, or give him a time when you can spend that time together. You are teaching him to share you and that's a really important life lesson.
Dear frognkentucky,
Any discipline or straightening out should always be done by you. This man has no business handling any of this. There could be a few reason why he spoke with your boyfriend this way...one could have been to scare him off the other is that he needs a male in his life to confide in and talk too. He didn't succeed at either and now he probably is acting out. If you are serious about having this man in your life and are fully confident that it will be a committed relationship then it's time for some ground rules. If you are not sure how this relationship will end or not then keep him away from your home and son. It's never a good idea to birng someone home who you haven't established to be a part of your lives for a long time.
Sue...good luck
Well thats good that you've found the right guy for YOU, but mabey you should think and see who you would rather see happy. your son, who will love you no matter what , or you and some guy who could possibly leave you
I had the same problem with my step dad I new he was bad news the first day I met him . but hw won me over by buying me heaps of stuff . he has now had a child with my mum and they were ingajed but he left her now my mum is a single mum with 3 girls and a lot of debit . if you love this man than show your son how much he means to you and that you would never do anythign to her him ( your son)
You DO NOT show your on the respect her deserves, my mother made the same mistake, and I have not respected her since. How can a mother allow a man to come between that special bond, your MR.RIGHT should NEVER discipline your child in any manner, that is crossing the line, YOU are the mother, and you are the one who he loves, have you not considered there is a reason he does not like him? Give him time, not pressure, if you continue this pressure you will damage thetrust your child has in you.I` ve had to leave my home and live with my father becasue of my mother`s inability to love me enought to listen. When you marry a man, he not only marrys you, but your children ALSO, and vice verssa, your children are married (or stuck) with him...do you want to force this apon him? Taking away one of the biggest influneces he has?
you can't make your son like anyone. he either has to like him or he doesn't.
period.
don't force the issue.
explain to your son that you care about this man and you would like the companionship of another adult male.
ask him if there is any particular reason why he doesn't like this man in your life now. and be patient.
remembe,r your son lost a father in the house when you divorced and the hurt might still be there...
You can't get your son to like him. Your son has to do that on his own.
I, being young myself, watched my mom marry someone else other than my biological father, and it was strange. Now, I'm okay with him.
But, you might want to involve your son in the relationship, like all of you going to a movie. It'll help ease his tension.
Best of luck, lots of love,
Kizz Cheese
I agree with what some people say, YOU should be in the position to straighten your son out - but hey, listen to my point, I know what this kid's going through... I'll explain it from the child's view...
I'm 17 years old now, when my parents split I was 11 years old. The thought of my parents ever finding another love scared the sh*t out of me. I'd think to myself, I don't want a new dad (step-dad) and I could never imagine my mother being with anyone else apart from my father, but in reality, they were never getting back together. When my mum told me she was dating again, I was 16. I could tell she was a lot happier with this man, she truly did love him, and we ended up moving in with him, I had to change schools, make new friends - the whole kaboosh!
and this was in the space of about 8 months... Yeh, it is very tough on the kid, you need to give him/your partner some more time to bond, find their common interests and they will grow a relationship... but on the other hand, your son ( I don't know how old he is...but..) should see that you are in love, and he should try and respect that you are in a relationship and he sorta needs to share you - if that makes sense... but don't feel as if you need to change/end your relationship because your son might just be being stubborn and selfish...
Hope this advice has helped - all the best.
Aims. X
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How can i get my son to like my boyfriend?
I have finally met Mr. Right. I love him more than I ever loved any man. My son finally met him and proceeeded to tell him about all the fights he has been in including using drugs in the past. My boyfriend stated that he needs to be straightened out. My...
son is disobeying since he met him. He liked him until he met him. It is as if he is scared of me having a man in my life and how it will affect him. What shoould I do? I would give my life for this man. I am tired of living alone and have been divorced for 3 years now.