what should i do with my ten year old son? he keeps on taking things that are not his and he keeps on hitting his siblings. i have taken away his games ,computer time and his bike for one week. is this enough? i would also like to know how to teach him a lesson. HELP
Well, it has been about 12 years since I was your son's age. Now, this may or may not work. However, it did work with me.
My parents would ask me, why exactly I felt the need to take something that was not mine? If I believed it was or should be mine, or I had a right to physically come into contact with others, including my siblings. I was asked if I thought it was right... If it made me feel goo to do, and if so why. Then I was told what I have done, that it was wrong, and why. Also, I was told what was to be expected of me (I am sure the majority of the things I'm, stating you have tried.) However, the one thing that far out-weighed anything I could ever have had taken away from me; was to be forced to come to terms with my reasons (Asking the tough questions). How would this make you feel & do you feel that you were right to do this? If so, ask why... A lot of times, the answers are more apparent than one may seem.
Before even implementing a punishment, and not simply to say that it is wrong, not to do it, and then a punishment. OR Teaching him a lesson, by means of punishment is not always the key that fits the lock. Taking things away, tends only to anger a child even a lot of times, more so than before. Now, I am not saying that taking away a game or computer time for a few days will necessarily hurt. However, conditions of such punishments, as per why and how they come about, should be communicated prior to the execution of the punishment. For example, taking away his toys when he hit his sister/brother does not bridge a connection between the two. Instead, try a child/parent discussion. Then, until the child can understand why he is in trouble & this is not an acceptable behavior, he may be in a time out. Giving him the time to calm down & think about what he feels, and why he feels the way he does, and then with that the reasons why this is taking place.
When he hits, make him see what this has done, and the pain he has caused. This will help him to understand more when you are explaining why this is not something he should do, and then ask him how he would feel?
Sometimes, the real issue is in that the punishment does not fit the crime. If he was riding his bike, and while doing so, reached out to hit his sibling, that would be a time to take away the bike for a few days. But remember, a Week is a long time, I have found that with most younger children, after about 3-4 days. They may even forget exactly why the bike was taken away. An to further length the punishment only negates the whole purpose of it. Which is to provide a communication, and understanding, to your son, that teaches him the balance of what he should and should not do, Vs. Rewards & Punishment.
When he begins to turn around, he will start to realize then hopefully, ultimately stop him self from this behaviour, and eventually, as I did. Come in stead, with "Dad, I was really mad, but I didn't hit my sister & instead I found something else to do"
Have an outlet, Now I had a Punching bag... And I was made to write down what I did, and then Why I did it, and then made to read it out loud and then discuss it.
This helped me to see what and why I was doing, and with this taught me to emit more self control over my emotions.
Now, having him to write down, asking him the tough questions, having him to read out loud (to you of course) and giving him an outlet to release his anger and frustrations.
I hope this is information you can use, and all works out for you and you're son. Further tactics can be done later on, to help improve the level of behavior he is at, but for now... Try and see if you may try a few of these. If nothing else, writing down and discussion helps both parents and child to understand more. Also, if nothing else... At least find something for him that will be an outlet for him. I found this was the most tricky part, finding the outlet.
Good Luck!
~Benjamin~
When I was younger, I wasn't the greatest kid in the world. Very selfish. About the age of 5 or 6, I bit my mom. Obviously not hard being a 5 or 6 year-old, but, to teach me a lesson, she bit me back. Not hard either of course. I learned my lesson. Granted, violence (in any shape or form) is not good. I wouldn't suggest that your other children necessarily fight back, however, when he steals things that aren't his. Literally steal his bike, toys, games, etc. in front of him. Let him know that when he steals, something of his will get stolen. When he hits people, he'll get hit back. Basically, I'd work it off of Karma. For every one thing he steals, take three things of his. Kids love possessions, taking them away permanently may solve it. But then again, I don't have any children, but how my parents punished me did affect me in the long run and hopefully now I won't turn out to be the 5-6 year-old that I was.
I feel the need to say something in respect of the 'hit upon' siblings.
If the siblings are smaller, younger or weaker; They must get the clear, unmistakable message that you will defend them, that it is not ok for anyone to hit them. Otherwise the result in later life could be self- punishing behaviour, illness or muscular pain, and risk taking activities such as walking home late at night and getting attacked. Not protecting them will not have the effect of teaching them to stick up for themselves. It wills NOT, as you may perhaps think, communicate your faith in their ability to defend them selves. The same is true with regard to their possessions being plundered - results, loosing money, being ripped off... This comes from my own parenting experience, not a book, I appologise that it sounds like a lesson in psycho analasys lol!
Dear lookn4answers, When you ask your son why he takes things...he may say so and so took my stuff first and when you ask why he hits he may say so and so hit me first or so and so took my stuff. At 10 a child can feel he has no control over the events around him. So the idea is to give him some control over a few things to begin with. Such as what to wear to school, what to eat for meals, what time to do his homework. Children misbehave because they are trying to tell the adults something and we typically find out it's they feel no control. Start with the ones I've suggested and continue from there. He must be made aware that hitting is unacceptable and is never permitted. So never allow any physical contact when someone is angry. But this is need throughout the household and everyone must adhere to this rule. Sue...good luck
as a 13 yr old, u need to lay down the law. HARD. as i kno, 10 yr old boys are stubborn. they probably pretend that they dont care, when they actually do. take away all the things at once, not one at a time. (maybe not a week for a small infraction, its a LONG time in kid years.) several ytrs ago, i had a hitting problem too, and wat my mom did was everytime i hit my sibs i owed her 5 dollors. and by age 10, u really start 2 need money, and want it.
It might be true that your child isn't getting the attention that he would like to get. And so, this is his way of getting that needed attention. Maybe he has tried in other ways but has realized that it wasn't working so he turned to that kind of behavior. He learned that his current behavior gets him the attention that he wants so...why wouldn't he? You get what I'm trying to say?
Well, if that doesn't do anything, ground him longer. Give him solatary confinement, it might help if he spends time by himself to think of what he's done. It wouldn't be bad if you well a bit, you need to let kids know who's boss. Not too much though, you might scare him!
at ten it's a normal thing to do that but it should not b looked up upon by the parent. make sure he knows it's not right from there ground him when he keeps doing it, eventually he will learn tho, some lessons u just have to learn on ur own
You're the parent - you must take control - if intervention is needed do so - it might help you to get Dr Phil's book also - and or consult a competent adult (Dr, minister, police) for help and ideas...Good luck !!
biting, hitting, slapping any thing other than a light slap on the behind that does not leave a mark is considered child abuse. This can result in loosing your child. Sue
you need to show ur sons who is boss!!now give him rewards when he does something good but punish him when he does something bad!!!
hope this helps=]=]
you have to discipline him hes is an attention seeker i say you get harsh on him
