How can i get my prejudiced dad to accept us?

My dad is the most discriminating person i have known. I am gay and he found out about it somehow. Since then, he has been making more comments about stuff on tv like dyke and fag and then to top it off, my girlfriend is part-black. He knows how much...

she means to me, but he said if he finds out that I'm even talking to her he will send me to my mother in Alabama, who used to beat on me. He would rather have me suffer living with my mom than deal with the fact that I'm gay and my gf is mixed. what should I do about this? try to talk to him? i need help asap before he finds out I'm still talking to her. but im NOT breaking up with her just because of him. So i need some really good advice before he sends me 300 miles away.

Um.. I have several politically active gay family members a number of friends in the gay community up here in Vermont. I only say that because you might think I am anti-gay for what I am about to say.

While you live under his roof you need to respect his beliefs for one reason and one reason only... as a family member you are the most likely candidate to help open his mind to new levels of understanding. That may require abstinence until you are able to move out. Nothing says you cannot be friends with your current gf, but abstinence is not an unreasonable request from a parent.

I know. I spent a lot of time butting heads with my parents (i am hetero) over sexual activity. Then, after seeing what some of my friends' parents went through as a result of very serious sex related issues (STD's unwanted pregnancies (yeah, i know, you're lesbian)) I realized that as a minor my actions were ultimately my parents responsibilities.

Once I left home I was free to pursue my own lifestyle and it is a very open one. Anyhow, sounds like your dad is a dick and your mom is worse. Just remember, until you are legally an adult he is legally obligated to do what is in his best judgement with regards to your upbringing.

There is a chance, however small, that he will respect you and your decisions later in life if you attempt to show respect for him now.

That being said, the first thing outta your mouth when you are moving out of his house should be 'homosexuality is not a choice.' Many people refuse to accept this, but medical evidence suggests that it is true in many cases. Google it. Some people are born gay. Be proud, but understand that homosexuals are on the cutting ege of civil rights and you don't convert the old guard by dismissing their concerns outright.

Regards.

P.S. try to 'do well' in convential situations like school even though school is so often a monocultural drag on creativity. It will go a long way to proving that you are willing to try to succeed under difficult circumstances and will help in your arguement that the people in your life should make a similar effort. Good luck.

so wat if ur gay . alot of ppl are . one of my friend friends is a lesbiean and its ok . its part of wat makes u u . u need to talk to ur dad and explain to him that u like this girl alot . tell him that he doesnt even have 2 like her tell him all he has to do is be supported about the whole thing and let u see ur gf. tell him that would u rather have him be gay and all that or get bet up and end up dead by ur mother?

Good luck reply!

OMG I'm sorry thats not a true dad thats horrible well go wit wat you feel I am here if you have any thing you would like to talk about i will not judge or make you feel any different then any other person K

In this situation you need to find out where he heard the truth from! it doesnt sound like he is going to accept this anytime soon so keeping it a secret will be the best option, you just gotta make sure he doesnt find out. Unless you get him to meet her and maybe he will come to accept it.

Here is something that you really need to understand: Any parent who's child is gay is going to go through a grief or grieving process--even if they are the most understanding and accepting of it in the end. It's a loss of dreams for them, a fear of losing grandchildren, the big wedding, the heterosexual dream. Of course gays can have children and be married (officiall or unofficially). But something gays coming out need to understand is that they can't just go around, announce that they're gay (or be found out) and expect everyone to just immediately fall in line and understnad and accept it. It takes time and you should give your father some room to digest this. It may take months or years, or he may never accept it at all. From the sound of it, he may never accept it. But as far as changing him or giving him the talk, or helping him see the light--right now just give him time to digest. Then see what the chances of gaining his acceptance are.

To the young, time is precious. So being patient and waiting things out seems like an impossible task. Just go out with your girlfriend on group dates, and keep your nose clean around your dad. I'm not saying to hide or lie about who you are. Just stay neutral, don't rock the boat. Then see what happens when you become an adult.

It can be done. And you can do it. Yes be proud, be loud, be active in your gay community to raise understanding. But do all that after you have allowed for these years to develop how they may. Give dad a chance, but don't kill yourself trying to convert him to see a light he just can't see. Yes, it sucks. But it is a possibility at this point that you may never get support from him. And he sounds like a bigot and an agressive jerk anyway.

So turn it all around and be a good person and have a healthy life. You will deserve it after all this.

well what i did was i prayed to satan.
and he killed my father.
and i forgive him.
Good Luck.