What do you think of my poem?

I never thought I'd do this type of thing, but oh well, here it is. Tell me what you think, and please, be honest, and be detailed. It's called 'Soggy Bread.'

there's a cold on my skin and it's
I..
it's sort of slimy, I think
a cold
a wet kind of cold
permeating
me turning me into soggy bread
break apart slowlike

there's a cold in my throat
it's this kind of salty
gritty cold
I can't fight against
the slime was almost soothing--oh well

soggybreadbreakapart
sticks to your hands
don't let it get in your hair
or you'll decompose
too.

honestly it doesn't really make sence to me . I write poetry and I guess I know what im talking about.

I write poetry, too, heh. What sort do you write?

emo depression sad death that sorta stuff

I don't exactly understand it...
but I am not a poet...
but I usually understand poems...

your's just lost me.

same here lol no offence it just doesn't make that much sence

why is no1 being blunt? ITS SH*T.

f*ck off dont b so mean if you can't make helpfull observations DONT BOTHER ANSWERING whats your problem?!?!?!

O_o I thought it was pretty good! I liked the feel it gave, like soggy being soothing, it's not something you hear every day. Very artistic and new! good job!

Well, thank you to everyone, except Torimate. I don't mind if you think it's a bad poem, but at least explain why.

To everyone else, later tonight I'll give an explanation, but right now don't feel like it.

well good bye

Please ignore torimate; she's a complete idiot.

It definitely has potential, but it doesn't flow that well. It also seems to be vague for the sake of being vague. Rewrite and repost for more input.

Er, not going to rewrite it. It's definitely finished. I see what you're saying, though, and I'm glad it's that way.

Hm...I guess I should have stated this in the beginning, but it's actually a performance piece, which is why it's written all crazy. I was hoping people would take the way it's written as a cue to how it should sound, and hear it in their heads.
As for it being vague, YES! Usually when I write, it's sort of like Monet--you're left with a feeling, and that's the important thing. Impressionistic poetry. Not sure if that exists yet, but it does in my work.

Er, not going to rewrite it. It's definitely finished. I see what you're saying, though, and I'm glad it's that way.

Hm...I guess I should have stated this in the beginning, but it's actually a performance piece, which is why it's written all crazy. I was hoping people would take the way it's written as a cue to how it should sound, and hear it in their heads.
As for it being vague, YES! Usually when I write, it's sort of like Monet--you're left with a feeling, and that's the important thing. Impressionistic poetry. Not sure if that exists yet, but it does in my work.

Not trying to be difficult, but this is definitely not being rewritten. I love it more every time I read it.

Anyway, the flow is choppy on purpose, it's supposed to mimic choking and waves, as it's about drowning.
As for it being vague, that's also on purpose. Almost all of my work is somewhat vague, it's impressionistic.

Thank you very very much for all your comments, I hope to get more, you can tell me what you think it means, what you hate about it, love about it, anything.

you put your poem on here asking people what they think about it...
then when they tell you..
you tell them they're wrong and it's that way on purpose...

take some girl

ah ha ha ha ooo it seems I have support. I just want you to know you have potential but this one needs the trash.

Aaah, I double posted and screwed up.

Anyway, I didn't say anyone was wrong, I just said that's how it was intended.

Fair enough. Thank you for making this thread; it lets me know which users on FunAdvice are complete idiots. And I mean, COMPLETE idiots.

There's a website called FictionPress if you want to go there. Not the best place for decent criticisms, but certainly more than what you'll get here.

Yeah, there are other literary websites I frequent, along with having a network of poets and prose writers alike.

Not to be rude, but I'm kinda embarrassed I even bothered bringing this here. (not directed at everyone.)

Well, to conclude this train wreck, if anyone did like it, and would like to read more, or discuss poetry in general, funmail me, I love having new people to talk poetry with.

well I love it- and usually I dont like poetry much.
I am too tired to say why I like it now- but I will think about it and come back. Its the sort of poem I would like to read again and again so I might print it out later if thats ok?

Of course it's ok. Just keep my name on it,

Well, your poem was rather naughty, because it kept me awake last night! I never write poems or even think about them.
I have a pixie persona within me, and she often speaks her own language, I call it pixie speak. Well, pixie had me up for hours reciting pixie poems!
It was amazing! but unfortunately I was unable to record or remember them. I will take a pen and paper to bed tonight, along with your nonsense-inpiring poem.
Other than it being inspirational, and that you really are a creative genius, I still dont know what to say about your poem :-)

Oh my gosh, thank you. I've never really been called a 'creative genius' before. If you really liked it that much, here's a link to a lot more of my work, tell me what you think, if you want.
http://opheliasfever...

what the f*ck...makes no sense but lots of things today make no sense are famous so good like with it!
Keep think I want 2 b like Picasso xcept in poem form! lol
xoxo

Yeah its different thats for sure. But with some writing skills,
the way it is played out doesnt always make sence but it
does have a meaning. And I think any poetry with a true meaning
is something worth reading even if I dont understand it.

It is... different, in a way, but it makes you think. I love analysing poems, and I love a mystery, which is what this is. I like new things, and this is modern, but.. old in a way. It contradicts itself. Which is why I love it. Nice job!
Britz

Your poem was very cool

ok o offense or anything but I really dont like it but read some of the peoms I rote tell me what you tink bout it

I didn't like it at all at first...
but the more I read it...
the more I like it...

it's weird...
but I actually like it a lot now...

it's cool

it a wonderful script that makes you think about what ever the subject is on like say its about friends it makes you think about friendship