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My poem

Asked by holdenw 5 months ago, 13 answers.

My Poem, is it good? bad?

Far away,
Too far,
I can't go on,
Yet I love her.
Her existence seems unreal,
Almost a dream,
Why do I put myself through this?
Because I love her,
And she loves me.
What will I do
To pass the time?
I will think of...

her,
But that causes pain
Along with the happiness.
But I must think of her,
My mind will not focus
On anything else.
Time drags so slowly,
10, hours or days?
I do not know.
All I know,
it is too long,
to be away
from her.
I want to fall into her,
lose myself in her
Be one with her.
She is my light
In the darkness,
I would go to her,
But distance is,
A cruel thing.
The phone rings,
No I can't come out tonight
They ask why but I,
can't tell the truth,
They would only laugh,
I have business to attend to,
Goodbye.
I am alone again,
Unseeing,
Unthinking,
Unwanting,
Except for her warm skin
Close to mine.
My whole body screams,
Let her come to me,
But she can't,
Or won't?
She would come if she could,
Wouldn't she?
Maybe she...
But the thought is too terrible,
She wouldn't,
I know her,
She loves me.
I smile again,
Our love is tangible,
A living reality,
Breathing,
Keeping faith alive.
Living for the day
That we finally meet

will you rate my poem on a scale from 1-20

Answered by nasusollirum on Jun 23, 2009, 07:09AM
21 answers

its depressing

Answered by sinindespair on Jun 23, 2009, 07:11AM
75 answers

sounds familiar...
in many ways. but tragically beautiful

Answered by christinversion on Jun 23, 2009, 07:12AM
860 answers

I don't like love poems, but it's pretty good. 15?

Answered by holdenw on Jun 23, 2009, 07:12AM
177 answers

I write poems, yea it is kinda of tragic, but it is beautiful

Answered by dincka on Jun 23, 2009, 07:12AM
180 answers

well
maybe you can write smth better...?

Answered by holdenw on Jun 23, 2009, 07:13AM
177 answers

it's not good?

Answered by xokrystalklearxo on Jun 23, 2009, 07:14AM
951 answers

I rate it 28906443,24790,7759 !
:]
srsly dude that is a beautiful amazing stunning poem! Amazing job very well written.

Answered by holdenw on Jun 23, 2009, 07:17AM
177 answers

thnks krystal

Answered by aubrey_babe on Jun 23, 2009, 07:22AM
115 answers

I love it
great job ! I cant wait to read more of your writing!
20!!!

Answered by dincka on Jun 23, 2009, 07:23AM
180 answers

well yea
I don't like it
sorry
but critics is good for everybody

Answered by holdenw on Jun 23, 2009, 07:24AM
177 answers

wats wrong with it? please

Answered by amandamarie on Jun 23, 2009, 09:19AM
256 answers

I loveee it(:
id give it an infinite ratingg

Answered by lovemachine on Jun 23, 2009, 11:31AM
60 answers

I know poems dont need rhyme but I think you should try writing with some rhyme in it, its an amazing poem though. except for format... I think I'll write one based off yours... I've written a lot of poems. its beautiful and it describes how I feel right now... I love your ideas and if this is based off your emotions then I know how you feel... ryhming would turn your pretty good poem into an amazing peice of art XD Good Luck my friend!