My life is falling apart parents don't support me?

I know this will be a very long question... But I need some answers... So please... Thanks to all that attempted.

I'm a 13 year old girl and I'm going to high school this year. And I know that I'm really young for my grade. And... I have been successful at times. People say that I'm amazing because I can do so many things. Like sing, draw, and write... And I'm also intelligent... I enter amatuer writing contests and win at times. And whenever... I show my father an award. He just says, "Keep up the good work". He doesn't pat me on the head, get extremely happy or anything. And I'm so sad... I don't know what to do. So many people everyday tell me that I'm so mature and expect so much out of me in the future. I guess I am "special". I even got to meet my mayor for being a crime prevention supporter. And everytime... No one acknowledges me. No in my family, that is. And yet everyone else does. Then everday at home my step mom yells at me for not being perfect. Because sometimes I don't do my chores which includes: Cleaning the house, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, folding the clothes, wiping the windows, every single day. Since we're an asian family they're very strict. And I get yelled everyday... For not being perfect. They all call me a failure. And I keep telling them that I'm only human. I'm not super. Yet they can't even look at the good in me.. My best friend used to hear me out but now she's just so busy she doesn't have time to listen to me. And I don't know what to do... I don't feel like I belong anywhere. They yell at me everyday. And no matter how many times I attempt being perfect... I fail. Because if I'm good at one thing. Then I suck at the other. For some reason... And I just want help... They don't appreciate me... And no I can't go to a therapist of some sort... Because they don't help...

Can anyone help me with this...? I just feel like I've lost my path and that I have no goal to accomplish anymore...

Hey, this sounds like quite a situation.

My parents don't support me in anything I do either. And if I do succeed they just tell me to work harder. I got A's all year on my report card and instead of a pat on the back or a reward, I got..."work harder.. its not good enough" or they will point out another flaw. Pfft. I did better then half the people in my grade. They might not understand but I made an accomplishment.

I mean, it hurts to not have your parents proud of you but look at you! You've accomplished so much at a young age! If your parents can't be proud of that then they are truly blind. I mean I know this isn't the best place for jokes but, this quote in Austin Powers "Goldmember" just hit me.
"You can spend your whole life trying to get your parents approval but in the end you just have to do it for yourself."

Its something like that. You have to do it for yourself. Your parents might not support you but, it makes you more independent and you will learn how to be proud with yourself. Trust me, all of the stuff you can do is amazing and you should be proud of yourself.

As far as your parental situation at home and the chores? We all have to put up with it. Its unfair but its something we have to do. That is the reality. And trust me, no one is perfect. Your parents are being ridiculous by saying that to you and expecting so much of you when you've blown past a lot of limits with all the talents you have. Parents can be so blind and oblivious sometimes. Don't take the "your not perfect" thing to heart.

Do what you believe is right and what you enjoy. And best friends come and go sometimes. It hurts but it happens. She will come back to you at one point. This is tough to deal with but that's life. Its not how we complain about it that makes it better but its how we can put up with it in the long run that is truly beneficial.

I hope everything can work out for you and I hope this advice helped somewhat. You should be proud of yourself. Parents won't support you with everything or anything for that matter but you do it for yourself. You have great talent you can only get better with. =]

dang!! youre fmily is mean!! maybe if you do your chores the moment your step-mother tells you maybe she wont yell at you!! I know youre very smart,and maybe your father doesnt show it because maybe hell think you'll loose the floor and think you are better than others...maybe?? hope I helped...

Well I'm not good at housework. My step mother tells me that I'm supposed to be "girly" and that all girls are supposed to wear dresses and clean houses for their men. And I'm telling her that's sexist. And she slaps me in the face. Saying that she's never seen anyone like that. And everytime I do all the chores she brings up another and if I don't finish on time she gives tells me to do other things. I was raised with a dad always at work and no mother. So I not actually the clean type. Yet she's trying to force it into my brain...

Well, you need to find somethnig that makes YOU happy, not everyone else. You shouldn't be doing things for the recognition. Do it for yourself, love. If you got an award, congratulate yourself. Others don't have to, you know you did good. If your mother yells at you, sit down and speak with her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you feel like they don't appreciate you. I'm sure they do, they just probably have a hard time showing. Specially your father.
Never do something for someone else's praise, do it for yourself and do it for your own. Only then will you be truly happy in life. When you stop doing things for others and do them for yourself.

Hope I helped. <3

I no what you mean about your parents. My dad yells at me for everything I do and if I do something right or good he picks out the bad and doesnt appriciate it. When I was feeling down it always helped to talk to a friend and I surrounded myself with the people who really cared about me and appriciated the things I do. that might work for you to. But dont do a million things just to try to get their support or gratitude do it for you and do what makes you happy. Hope I helped

I wish I knew what words of comfort to say.

I've heard a lot from my mother. Usually when she says "wash your clothes" and I go and do it, she's still upset. The reason is because she wants me to do these things without her having to even say them. So maybe instead of your parents assigning chores, just do them beforehand. As far as your parents acknowledging your accomplishments, there's a lot of people who do this just so one can keep striving harder but you have to understand, it is not them who you want to please, it's yourself. You know how smart, beautiful and successful you are. Your step-mom cannot force you to do things. I HATE cleaning but I usually put on some music or put on the t.v. and just start to distract myself. Cleaning isn't fun but if you find ways around it, it can be very satisfying. I hope this helps and all my love to you. You're a really great person and I'll always know that.

well I think that your dad don't compliment you because he knows what you are good at and he never doubted you but I also understands what you are saying that you sometimes want to hear it and it makes you feel good when you hear it from family. your step mom does not need to be hitting on you and she is not right on girls are suppose to be girly because I don't wear dresses I don't like dresses. I am married and I am not the only one who cleans the house my husband also cleans so I think that she is trying to make you better in house things because you said that you did not have a mother growing up. well I hope this helped write me back

Have you ever tried talking to your mom about it? If not, maybe you should try to. If that doesn't work, talk to your counseler at school..
No one, & I mean no one is perfect. Take only_human's advice.
its really good.

I have tried talking to her. She slaps me in the face for talking back then calls me rude. And when I bring up a counselor they think I've been abused or something...

        Simply a Rose to brighten your day,
        And maybe lessen the cares in your way;
        And also, too, to help you to know,
        That in knowing you, many others grow!

 
 
Is your step-mother Asian too? How long has she been your step-mother?

In any event it sounds like she may be a little jealous of you!

Just do the best you can in everything you do. In some things you'll excel and in others you'll get by. Don't worry about her. Sometimes we have to suffer through difficulties while we are attaining our goals.

 
Fun Mail a "sounding board"!

I would assume that you can't talk about what you are going through with anyone because it is too personal and you don't want others to know about it in relation to you.

The solution, then, might be to pick someone on Fun Advice whose advice you like and Fun Mail them. (You can check out the quality of someone's advice by clicking on their name; going down to their recent advice, click on view all, then click on the questions that might interest you and view their answers.) Explain to them that you are having problems and want to have someone to use as a "sounding board" and would like to know if they would be willing to be your sounding board. Fun Mail is basically private, so you shouldn't have any concerns about your privacy.

Although there are many users on Fun Advice who would be qualified, I'd suggest the person be an Advisor, for two reasons: First, most Advisors have several hundred or even thousands of Answers under their belt which can really give you a perspective about them; and second, you can simply click on the Advisors link at the top of the page and view a list of the most recently active Advisors with information about them AND a total of their Answers. (Don't contact them by that "Ask me a question" link. That's public. Instead, click on their name which will take you to their Profile page, then click on the "Send me Fun Mail" link on the left side of the page.)

You also have the ability to Fun Mail anyone (Advisor or otherwise) by clicking on the "Send me Fun Mail" link near the top of the Answer under the person's name.

I read your question which was very inspiring!
I'm so proud that you'll be going to High school at an early age. You must be real inteligent it sounds like. I'm so sorry! Your family doesn't sound like they care what you do. Your father should be proud that you've won some awards and so forth. Your step mother shouldn't be treating you the way she's been treating you which that tells me that she's verbally abusing you.
I'll tell you a story, you can figure out if this goes with your situation. When I was little coming in from China to the U.S. I was adopted to American parents to whom I thought were going to treat me right since I have a disability which is a visual impairment and been blind since birth. I was an Orphan in China and abandoned as a baby. These people who became my parents saw a picture of me in a magazine that one of the owners of the Orphannage posted. They thought, why not take her! She's very adorable! I didn't know what to expect since I was being brought in by a relatively large family which started out with three half brothers, two sisters, two older sisters, and two brothers. Coming to America was a scary time for me since I didn't know what to expect.
I spoke fluent Mandaran and Chinese. When I came to America, everyone in my adoptive family were nice and welcoming, but, as I grew older, things started getting worse to where my mother and one of my sisters wouldn't appreciate what I've done. They would call me names such as retarded, stupid, no good for Sh*t. They also said I was mentally dificient. I came in from China at 5 turning 6. As my mother and sister started treating me abusively, they started doing something to affect my mind. As a family we'd go out and about, and, I was the last person to get out to the car, when I came out to get into the car, my sister locks the door on me then my mother starts reving up the engine. Of course I screamed and cried. I was about seven at the time. I always thought they were going to run over me since I couldn't see what was going on. Whenever I received good grades which was once in a great while since I didn't do so well in school, my mother and father really didn't say much. They also started making me do chores too to where I had to clean up after our dogs, and, take care of the house and dogs. I was told what to do since my mother was very controling.
My sister started making fun of my Nationality which she's from Korea. My other sister is also from Korea. I felt so much as a failure like you're feeling since I didn't feel welcomed anymore in my family. As a teenager, I wanted to comitt suicide since my mother and sister weren't being nice.
Then when I moved out, my father starts molesting me. I don't live with them anymore since I've moved into an apartment. I'm dealing with my family rejection by going through counseling through my church. That's my story. What you could do to get rid of these feelings would be to find someone maybe from your church if you attend. I consider my church family since they've been there for me. I can sort of relate what you're going through since my mother yelled at me and thought I wasn't no good. I don't know what else you could do but, if you have another relative you could live with, you could turn to that person as well.
I understand you don't want to go to Therapy. Your family sounds strict. If you talk to other people outside your family, maybe they can give you tips as to how to deal with this. Unfortunately, you don't have a close friend you could relay this to. I hope if you do attend church, you could get this out in the open with leaders of your church or other members. Its better to get this out in the open with someone you trust. For instance, I myself go to a close friend of mine whoes like a grandma to me, or a couple of people from my church. One of the leaders from my church, whoes been very helpful in dealing with my family issues has been kind towards me. Him and I have developed a spiritual relationship. Him and his wife are sweet.
Then I have other friends from church I talk too. That's just an example of who would actually care about you which would be your church or close friends. I do hope you'll find someone you trust to talk too. You can confide in someone that'll appreciate you and won't think you're a failure.
If you would like, you can funmail me as a sounding board. My prayers are with you. Hope I've been helpful and useful since I know what's like to be yelled at and a failure.

first off...let me say here and now...if you need a friend to talk to...I'll be here. you can write to me if you need to vent or just talk...I'm here..okay? feel free to add me...

sweetie...okay lets start off by listing your good points

you're smart
you're respectful
you're responsible
you're gifted in writing
you're gifted in singing
you seem like a very likeable human being

now...your family is not supporting you...why? I would be thrilled to death if I had a daughter one day who was as talented as you...

Your stepmother should not be hitting you...period. slapping you...anything. that is abuse on a minor level, especially if you're only talking to her...why is your father not stepping in? have you talked to him about this?

I think you need to talk to either a church elder of some kind...or talk to your school principle and tell her what's been going on. ask her what you should do. tell her you need something done, soon. explain you're feeling very hurt and alone with your family and you need someone to help you...

tell her/ him openly that you need help. now. that you don't like your step mother hitting you and that you're not getting any support at home...

as far as the chores go...do them...just get it done with. I hate doing chores too, but sometimes it just better to get them done.

I think your stepmother might be jealous of your success and she could be lashing out because of it. Tell her you're a young lady but that doesn't always mean you have to be so traditional. a young lady in this day and age does'nt have to wear dresses or be a little minature house wife...tell her she needs to back off or you'll call social services...

or talk to a school counselor...if they ask if you're being abused say mentally you are and you're being slapped around. tell them you need help...

listen...remember...you are a beautiful young lady in so many ways...and you'll be okay...message me if ever you need a friend, or you just want someone to talk to...I'll be here...

just curious. are you asian? because my best friend who is asian is in the same boat and my mom told me that its just the culture and you shouldnt take it too hard

It sounds like you're a wonderful girl!!! With lots of talented abilities. I felt similar growing up getting good grades and doing well in sports, my parents wouldn't come to watch my games or even give me a pat on the back for grades...I in turn started making self destructive choices like drugs and alcohol. Also having unsafe sex and just making bad overall decisions. I am 32 now and I look back and regret the things I did to hurt myself to get back at my parents and get there attention, the only person your going to hurt is yourself. When your an adult you will be the one paying for those mistakes. So just keep doing the best you can with what you have, you'll be awesome!!! Don't let people get you down, your parents put downs hurt I know, but just try to think that in a few years after doing so well you won't be living with them and you won't need their support anymore and that will be your choice!! Keep up the good work and feel good about yourself, because making bad choices now will affect the rest of your life and probably not your parents.