My husband lies like a rug, am i crazy or is he?

9 years together and lies about everything!
He calls and says he is on his way home from work (about an hour a way) I am driving locally, in town, and he drives past me! His truck is loaded with some kind of material. I don't let him know I have seen...

him and I don't follow him. I just go home and wait. An hour goes by, I call him, it's 12:15 in the afternoon on a saturday. I ask him where are you? He says, I am on my way home, I told you I had to check the guys work before I could leave. (never said that) I say, so where are you. He says the name of the street which is on the opposite side of where I saw him and he says, 20 minutes away still. Then he asks why? I said, because I am so sick of your lies, I can't stand it anymore. He says, your crazy! Hangs up on me. I call back he hangs up again after telling me to stop accusing him of being a liar, that he is sick of it. Another hour goes by and he arrives home. He has a home depot bag of which I go into and get the reciept. It is stamped noon at the local store, near where I saw him. I tell him what an idiot he is that he doesn't even go one more step to make sure I can't prove what a liar he is. With the reciept in my hand he still denies it! After hours of yelling and screaming and him insisting I am crazy and controlling, he finally says yeah, I was there. Tells me, he took a different way home (would have been about 45 minutes out of his way) still lying because he said he was at work originally. The stuff in his truck, he says was a garage door he got from a friend and dropped off at another friends. He didn't tell me cause he says I would have gotten mad. (bull) I am still getting the silent treatment 3 weeks later, cause that is what he does every single time. When ever I catch him and argue about it, he gives me the silent treatment. He will walk right past me like I am not there. He wont call, will go to bed not say good night, leave for work and walk right out without saying good bye and this will go on until he is good and ready to talk to me and some how blame me for the whole thing.

Before mothers day, he was working a new job, calls me tells me he wont be getting paid this week, they are holding back his paycheck. I didn't think anything of it. He of course needs money for the following week, which he gets $150.00 per week just to go to work! If I ask him to get me a coffee, he wants the money back! Anyway, the next week comes and he gives me his paycheck with the stub attached and the gross amount is $600.00 higher then what he made! I ask why, he tells me he noticed that too and payroll made a mistake and said they will take care of it. I know it is bull so I fight, ( I manage my own payroll) you cant make a mistake like that, they either earn the money or don't. He insists I am crazy. I start looking threw his stuff and find last weeks paycheck that he supposedly didn't get. With it in my hand, telling him he is a liar, he still wont admit he took the money and lied. Finally, he does but says it was to by me a gift. He did buy a gift for me for mothers day that he never actually gave me, just put it on the table and walked away cause we were in the silent treatment.

He promised me he wouldn't do side jobs anymore because a senior citizen took him to court after she bounced a $4000.00 check in our account at christmas time. She won, he did the job for free plus it cost us money to fund the job. We had to pay court costs, a fine for no license, probation fees also. Money appears all the time, I can tell from reciepts, or I find it hidden in a plant, in a closet, in his truck...where ever he can. Hundreds at a time, he says he sold something, a tool, steel...says the same thing, he hides it so he can buy me gifts. I work, every cent I make goes to the family and the house. I work usually 7 days a week and mostly 12 hours a day. While he hides money and takes more from us cause he says he doesn't have any. Reciepts show he spends it on everyday stuff...and when I see the stuff I will ask, he will say, I sold some steel or something like that. I will ask do you have more money, nope I spent it all. I will look and find hundreds stuffed again somewhere.

He will say, I am at this place and will be here for awhile while I wait for a tractor to come. I happen to be on line at the time and logged into the bank account, 20 minutes after talking to him. He just took money out down the street, no where near where he just said he was. He was supposedly about 30 minutes away waiting for a tractor. When I call, he does the stutter thing when asked where he is and names an intersection close to home, that doesnt intersect. Then corrects himself and gives a street that is possible. He asks why? I say, how could you be here, already get your haircut and go to the bank, when you where waiting for a tractor 30 minutes from home, at 3:00 in the afternoon. He gets mad, says I am crazy and that I shouldn't be checking out what he says. GUESS WHAT? SILENT TREATMENT!!!

Now he goes out of his way to get rid of his reciepts, takes money from the bank all at one time, so it doesn't pin point his location. I asked him why he is going to such great lenghts to conseal it and he says, he's a grown man. He doesn't have to tell me every move he makes. If he lies to me and I catch him, that is his answer also. With the money, he says he's not doing side jobs but if he wants to he can, he is a grown man. He says to never call him a liar, cause he doesn't lie. He is very truthful.

He will lie about stupid things too, right in front of me he will tell a friend a story about something we did or something that happened and he will add stuff to it and then wants me to go along with it. He will include me in it and say right maria? That makes me sick! Either I will ignore the question and wont respond or I will correct it and say no...it wasn't that way. So now, he keeps his friends away, I don't know who they are or anything about them. When I did, they always told me stuff, that he had said, that either didn't happen or about side jobs that I didn't know about. He shuts his cell phone off the minute I come home from work. Never takes a call around me.

We were driving, his cell rings, (forgot it wasnt off) he answers and is doing the one word thing, then says, yeah but not now, tomorrow. Hangs up. I say who was that. He says a vendor. A vendor? Can I see? He says no. Why? if your not lying let me see. He says it's just the principal. I argue, he gives me the phone and it's an 800 number. I start to call it back he grabs the phone and says don't call it. Why? whats the big deal. He gives me the phone back, I call, they answer and say, the name. It was some type of gold and silver investor solicitor. I hang up and say why did you say it was a vendor from work. It is a vendor, no it isn't and they are not from work. Why couldn't you talk in front of me. Cause I just wanted them to call me back. Why? What are you doing? Nothing! They just called me and I talk to them during the day when I don't have anything to do, You talk to solicitors while at work when you don't have anything to do and you aren't interested in buying from them, he says no! I tell him yeah, ok, this makes sense too like everything else. He wont answer the phone at home at all cause it always is a solicitor and if he does, he says, here talk to my wife.
So what happens, SILENT TREATMENT!!!

What do you think? iF I would just let him say whatever he wants to me and when it sounds weird dont check it out, I would never know he is lying. He feels that because I look, Im crazy, he has no privacy, he doesn't have to tell me everything, even when he volunteers the info, if he says it, just leave it. If I catch him, except it cause it's ok, cause he falls back on saying I don't have to tell you everything. He never says he is sorry, never will try to talk to me first, could care less if I come home or not when he is giving the silent treatment, when he finally does talk to me, he complains and say I have to change and be more loving! He wants hugs and kisses and for me to just show him how much I love him!

Every holiday in 2007 and I mean every single one, we were in the silent treatment due to a lie he told and was caught at. Either it happend around the holiday or months before and we were still in the silent treatment when the holiday came. Even my birthday!!!

I try and reverse what he does and do it to him, like he will say, have you seen kelly and bill and I will say, yeah, he says when? I say a few weeks ago. He'll say, you didnt tell me you were there. I say I don't have to tell you every move I make. He doesnt like that and I didn't even lie about it. Or he will ask where was I, I went by your office and you werent there? I will say at work, just like you, when you say you were at work, even when you werent and I know your lying, I have to accept it as bible. So why shouldn't you. I was at work! GUESS WHAT! SILENT TREATMENT! cause he doesn't like my answer and isn't sure if I am telling the truth!!!

Dear mariasecor,
Well I didn't read the entire novel but I got the drift SILENT TREATMENT, LYING, NEGLECT, MISTRUST. That was just in the first few paragraphs. What are you asking...should I stay and be abused, hurt and mistreated? You don't trust him, he doesn't respect you!! What more do you need before you either go to counselling or you move on? I think you need to read over what you wrote and pretend it is someone else and what would you say to her? I think you know what you would say. How may more years are you ready to waste?
Sue...good luck

omg, that was too long, im not reading all that

ok Maria, this was a bit long..lol.. but I did read all of it. I can totally feel your pain as far as having a lying husband. Mines is very much the same. I guess there is something that we both need to learn, and that is: we can't change these men or their lying behavior. They are going to lie even when they know that we know the truth. I can honestly tell you what problem we are having (me you) it's that we don't trust our man and we aren't allowing room to ever trust him again. I've tried trusting my husband again but it's just not working. I know my he has messed up several times and I've always forgiven him but it always comes back. When he lies once, it brings back the memory of him lying all the time. Maybe the counselling thing is best if you find it hard to leave. People don't understand that even though your getting hurt, you still feel like you just can't walk away. Every person is not as strong as the next. Also Maria let me suggest that if you have friends, surround yourself with them. Friends make you happy and keep your mind occupied. If I had friends in this state, I believe I would be better off and not pay so much attention to my husband.

I am still search for the answer because the bible is what I represent. I would say seek counseling first and if that don't work maybe you all need to separate. I did not like arese123 answer if he/she had no intentions of reading I think that's all needed to be done, he/she didn't have to make a stupid comment about not reading because it was too much. That lets me know why some people perish for the lack of knowledge always talking about too much. We as a people are too afraid it is going to take too long because we like everything quick. I am still researching and hope I could help because my sister have been married for 2-3 years and her marriage is the same way and I would like to help her get some closure.

ok I did read it al...and I've got great advice 4 u!!!
your husband oviously has a concious if not subconcious need to lie
dont take it as hes lying to you because of one reson or another.
the way I hear it he lies to everyone about everything
I know people like this I used to be one!!!
I would lie just to lie,no reason,the truth wouldnt cause any problems...but id lie
hes not really hurting any one with these lies...however
what he is doing is wrong
because unlike me ...hes married!!!
you need to seek out a counsler.
he needs to stop being a perpetual liar.
or a rift in your marrige is unavoidable!!
not that consecutive months of silent treatment arent.
im also uncomfterable with him hiding the money...why does he feel he needs to?
if you dont want to see a counsler yet then I suggest this
sit down with him...preferably when hes giving you the silent tratment so he will listen
tell him
your tired of all the lying,you have a serious problem when your not able to trust your own husband...tell him that your sorry for trying to control his life,but that you wouldnt if he were just honest about things
tell him that you wont stop him from doing sidejob maybe this will eliminate the money stashing.
stop asking him where he is when you call him...he wont have the opportunity to lie to you without reason...when you pass him by in your car call him and say hey I just passed you what are you dong?not in an accusary tone but a fun curious way.
make him understand that all the little lies are going to make you think if you dont already of him cheating.
oviously he is just lying to lie because liars with a cause wouldnt make the mistake of leaving any evidence...perhaps it would help if in his stories to his friends youd just go along...hell trust you more for being his ally in his lies.as long as the story dosent hurt anyone or involves you sharing a 13 ft hot dog with elvis.
if the consistant lying continues go to a psycologist and try nto help him.

hope this helps
always vannilla
funmail me and tell me if anything happend.
-v-

I read the whole thing and I feel for you. My husband lies, too. I've caught him in horrendous, horrible lies about his past - too many to list. And now that I know he's a liar, when I drill him about something, he calls me 'paranoid' and 'insecure'. But he's still lying about things - and even not important things. But I can't trust him because he's a liar and I'm afraid I will never be able to trust him ever. It's a sickening feeling - to love someone you can't trust. I am starting to resent him and hate him. I feel if he is going to continue to lie, he doesn't deserve my love.

well im 15 and I already leant not to lie...since last year lol

I know that it has been a long time since your post. I feel your pain because I am going through something very similar to you. It just sucks. I don't know of any solution. You have to wonder...Why? Why do they lie just to lie? I called my husband on some stuff and guess what I got, the silent treatment. You can't win. If you ignore them back, they tell you that you don't treat them right and they are justified. If you take the silent treatment, you have to deal with the miserable hell they are putting you through.
I just don't understand it.

You mentioned the birthdays and holidays. You are not alone. Mine ignored me all of Christmas and New Year's Day. He refused to take any time off during the holidays to spend with his family. It totally sucks to be with someone who has no qualms about doing such stuff. I just hate it!

It sounds like he needs your respect and you should stop nagging him and start going out of your way to make him know you respect and love him. In other words, win his trust in you! Because you guys sound more like your in a mother son relationship, rather then in a marriage. A marriage is about love, trust, respect honor!
You really need to read the book called Created To Be His Help Meet( It's by Debi Pear, You should be able to find it online) I think if you are open to change you could have a beautiful marriage!
Please check it out.
I do not agree with all the doctrine in it but I do like a lot about it.

OMG...are you married to my husband!!! I feel your pain sister. You have just described my husband to a T. He did this when we dated though so I should have known better, but it is a little too late now and I do not want to tear my family apart at this point, but it is so frustrating. I accuse him on a daily basis of cheating on me because of all of his lies and he in turn calls me a lunatic and tells me that I need professional help because I have a mental disorder. How can he not see that he is the one causing me to be this way! I really can't give you any advice regarding the subject I just wanted you to know that I could relate on so many levels!

Hello!

I think I'm the first guy writing something here...

My wife sent a link to this conversation. And I must say: I´m in shock! I was reading all the posts and it seemed I was reading about my life. It seems we all caught some kind of a lying virus. It's sad but It's almost impossible to avoid it. Usually lies have to do with work, house keeping, and lots of stuff. None of these lies have to do with other girls and I already told her about this lots of times. I really understand that after a while accepting my lies its almost impossible to know what is true and what is a lie. We are married since october 2006, and she already gave me lots of Last chances but somehow there's always something that makes me lie. Besides working I´m still studing and a huge part of my lies have to do with this. Even before we get married I lied to her saying that I would finish my studing problems in that year. That didn't happen and she found out only when there was no chance to change things. After that almost every year there's a new episode about it and I continue lying about it. The problem is always the same: I only do things I like to do, and other things are always late and sometimes I avoid doing them... All this ends with a lie.
As I told before it seems I'm just a copy of your husbands and boyfriends and it's really sad to realize that.
Yesterday she found another lie and it was the last... At night I arrived home from work and she prepared the divorce. I really don't want to accept this cause I really love her. But after all this it's really hard to find something to say to solve this situation. We tried to talk but as usual she talks I listen and in the end I keep saying that I don´t know what to say, I can´t think about it, I´m tired, and we will talk later about it... (Maybe you all know this excuses)

Sometimes I prefer no to think about it cause I really love him. She is so good to me, specially thinking about what she's going trough during our wedding, I feel she loves me too and she tried to help me so many times and I just didnt want to hear her... It´s hard to accept there is a problem...

Today once more she tried to talk with me and I couldn´t say nothing...

As I said previously I feel that she love's me and she's my friend and I have failed in so many points. I don´t respect her, and I don´t care about her when I´m lying to her.

Two days ago she started to cry after watching a movie on tv: PS: I love you And I realized she really loves me, but two days after this I feel like I screwed everything again... I'm afraid I can´t repair it at this point.
The only way I feel I can do it its with her help. But maybe she doesn't want to.She married a man not a kid that needs to be teached to live. I feel like a weight in her live and that's why I think she won't accept continue living like this.
I just think she deserves better. But I would love to make her happy.

Any idea/sugestion how to solve this? What should I do?

I just love her so much but with all this presure It's impossible to show what I feel...

vgsspeedy--you are a jerk just like my husband--without trust in a marriage, you do not have a marriage--my husband went into counseling for his compulsive lying last year without any result, he continues to lie--13 years and 3 kids later, I am in the process of getting everything in order to divorce him. He has lied to himself so much over the years, he has himself convinced that our marriage is ok. The only good that has come out of my marriage is my 3 children and they do not deserve to have to live with a man that lies to their mother and at times to them.

my husband does the same , I will find emails ansd he will say they are not his or that someone hacked his email, or he will say he was somewhere and I check the receipt and time and its a diff time, im pregnant and torn, it seems hes started the lying again he had stopped for a while or so I thought till I went through his emails and found porn sites and chat sites dated few mths ago then denied it was his user name wehn iasked him about it a week ago, hes like I dont know who that is then today I find his chat logs with that user name, im sick of it I just took him back january haven been gopin through this for 4 years, im 7 mths pregnant and was finally happy now im back to being insecure and depressed, I dont know what the hell to do , he always denies his lies even if I have the emails in front of me

crap thats long im not reading 3 sentences

I wasted 4 years of my life with someone who did the same,.. You need to get out. Sometimes it's not that easy though. If you go to therapy they will likely not want to go or will not be involved or pay attention when in the session.. Seeing this with my ex made me realize that I really cared and she didn't and made me realize that I deserve better.. She worked for the CIA but was a liar even before she started working for them. I have been away from her for about 6 months now and she is dating a guy she was seeing when we were still together.. I think it is funny now and I hope he does the same to her.. Karma is a bi.. and what goes around comes around,. Have a nice life Tim and Terri

Please read all of this with an open mind.

I think I am the only man who is answering this, you are not going to like my answer but I will try to be fair and open minded, guys tend to lie because you women tend to flip out about every little freaking thing cut the man some slack, the whole I'll be home at this time home depot scenario, really, who cares? So he came home later than he said what's the big deal? Having said that there is no excuse for lying, neither one of you is in a place where you are creating a nurturing environment and marriage council with a good therapist is definitely in order, it may help both of you discover why he feels the need to lie, and what you can do, your only other option really is to go your separate ways and find someone else that you are more compatible with.