My husband lies habitually.

My husband and I have been married for a little less than a year. When we met he seemed so different than every other guy. He appeared to have morals and values. I fell hard and fast.

After we got married I noticed things.

Once I had a headache and told him I needed to lie down. I asked him to come with me and he said he would check his email and be there in 10 minutes. I dozed off- an hour later I woke up and wasn't there. I went into the living room and he was looking at porn. He tried to quickly shut everything down and he lied to me. I told him I saw it and that I might get mad if he does something like this in the future but we could work through as long as he didn't lie to me.

I understand porn is like a natural instinct but I hate being lied to. I hate being treated like I am stupid.

Over the next few months this kind of scenerio happened a few more time. Finally I had enough and said that I was becoming uncomofrtable with the porn. He was looking at an excessive amount and he was lieing about it. I asked him to try and stop. he said he would and he wouldn't lie anymore.

It seemed like he was telling the truth. Then one day I was looking in his truck for my cell phone and found an "artsy" dvd about hooker in Paris. My husband doesn't watch artsy films so if he had this it wasn't just for the cinematography. I confronted him with it and he admitted he got it as porn and apologized and threw it away.

Then I found three more "movies" that were more porn than movies and confronted him again. if he wanted to watch these for the film value he would have brought them in the house not hidden it his truck. he lied and said he just wanted to watch them but then threw them away.

The the big lie came. he told me he was working late. Our cat got sick and I needed him to help me get the cat to the vet. I called his job and they said he was already gone. I called his cell phone and found out he went to see his ex girlfriend, who is a close friend of his but who makes me a little nervous. I told him he can be friends with his ex as long as he doesn't lie to me. Because when he lies it looks a little shady. I forgave him after he swore he would never do that again and be honest with me about everything from now on.

Friday he and talked about the past and all the bad stuff and he bragged about his new found honesty and went so far as to tell me he isn't looking at porn at all anymore.

This morning I woke up after he left for work and went on the computer to check my email. I had to use his profile because mine has errors that wont let it pull up. I noticed he had a lot of history saved and went to delete it all so the computer would run better and I found excessive amounts of porn since Saturday. He also has been going to adult personal sights.

I am at my wits end. I don't want to divorce him because I love him. But How can I deal with the lies? I have suggested marriage counseling and he gets hostile saying he doesn't want to talk to at stranger about our problems.

What can I do?

okay girl...you've got a serious problem..and not the porn...its the lying...

lying is never ever a healthy thing to start a relationship with. Your guy has finally exposed his true colors and it's time to seriously sit him down and give him a talking to...

tell him something along the lines of: "look...I know you've been lying to me. I found more porn and this isn't right. I am your wife and my feelings should count for something...you don't respect my feelings and I hurt. If I catch find more porn around the house, your car, your computer or at work...or find out you've been seeing your ex girlfriend behind my back, it's over. You show little respect for me and clearly you do not value me. I will leave. It's your choice."

next tell him to gather up all the porn he has...all of it...show all of it to you, wherever it might be...and have him either trash it or delete it. tell him you'll start over with him from this point...and if you catch him with more porn then that has been a breech of your trust and you'll leave.

and get ready to leave. talk to a lawyer, and think about moving in with a trusted friend or a family member for a few months. have a back up plan. he should never be lying to you and you need to stamp on the problem right now before it gets worse.

porn is not a horrible thing, mind you...I'm not saying that...but lying about it is not right...and it also says your husband might have some deeper problems...a marriage couselor might be a good idea.

be strong...and stick to your guns. if you tell him you'll leave...then leave...don't wait around to see what will happen...pack up and leave. and if anyone asks why, tell them...be honest and maybe he'll realize just what kind of person he's become if he sees himself reflected back in the eyes of friends and family.

Be honest with follow thru with everything you say. it's time he's learned what he's done and see what karma does to you when you lie.

I really do wish you the best of luck and I hope it helps. mesage me if you need to talk...

Well I agree. You do have a problem but its with both.
Look, porn is natural, but not that much.
My husband would look at porn once in a while while we were dating,
but he stopped as soon as we got serious.
And I didnt have to ask him to do that.
Maybe hes insicure with being commited, and if thats the case the that would be the reasoning behind going to see his ex.
And lying while being married is unacceptable.
Your MARRIED. you should be able to share anything with eachother.
and I understand you love him, but you need to stick up for yourself.
you seem to be a really nice person, and just concerned with your marriage,
so be strict with him.
You've let him off to easily before.
tell him that you want him to be honest, you want no more lies, and the excessive porn is too much.
tell him that he should be happy looking at you, he shouldnt need porn,
and if he wants to look at it still, and your okay with that, then at least limit it.
there is such a thing as too much.

if he doesnt listen and continues,
try marriage counseling.
if he refuses then tell him he better agree to counseling,
or agree to changing for real this time,
or your going to leave.

I really think if it comes down to it, and he really cares for you,
then he'll stop and think twice when he hears that you might be leaving.

if not, then he isnt worth a second of your time.

good luck with everything, and if you need some more advice, or just want to talk, message me.

I know the stress of being married and im a newlywed myself.
I can help, if you want it.

:]

You need to let him have porn and watch it with him he will loose intrest in it cause its the lying about it that he is liking! I watched it with my husband a few times and he has it and he hardly watches it now that I let him have it!