My cousin and I

When we were children, my cousin and I used to play house, a lot. We even kissed, but we were so young that I'm sure he has forgotten. Well, when I turned 10, I had to move to America, thus I was cut off from him. Although, I knew I liked him, I thought it would pass. When I turned 15, I went back and saw him again. It was so wonderful, and I realized that I would never get over it. I pretended I didn't care, and acted really b****y in front of him, mostly because I was so nervous and could not let him find out. Well, I started dating his friend, which made him upset. I remember sleeping over at my cousin's house and waking up with him sleeping next to me in his boxers. And just watching him sleep made me realize that it really was love, and there's nothing I could do.
I was there for a few months, and then had to return to America. I am now 17 years old, and he is constantly on my mind.
He's not even my type. I mean I go for guys that are dangerous and well... asian. But he's Armenian, he's a christian, he's not dangerous and we fight a lot. And yet, I can't stop loving him, even if he's so different from the guys I date.
So, my question is what do I do? I can't tell my family, we're Russian and are very strict. Nor can I see him any time soon. But I'm going crazy! So, please... help me!

Sincerely,
Olga

I do not understand that what can be the problem with your "strict Russian family", but in your place I would write a "strict" letter to this cousine on my feelings. Since you are Russian you have to know the story of Onegin and Tatiana , have not you? There is no guarantee for happiness, that is true, but if you do not make your own steps for your own happiness, there is a guarantee fo your unhappiness.

ok let ME ask you a few questions: would you leave him(your happiness) just because your family is strict? and would you leave you happiness just because you family has this rule you are afraid to break???? think about what you want. don't you want to be happy? don't you want him to be happy? then you know what you got to do.

Of course I wouldn't leave him, no matter what. But the thing is, we're so far away already. We live on opposite ends of the world, literally. So, I am afraid of stirring things up. My family has already barely tolerated me for all the things I've done, and if I throw that in... I'm just afraid.
I mean, we haven't seen each other for 2 years... he might even have a girlfriend.
Should I really go for it?
Btw, thank you, Shirley.

dude that is just fucked up you need help

are relatives supposed to be dating?