My brother is ruining my family.

My older brother (15) verbally abuses me (14), my little brother (12), and my Mom. My parents are divorced, and it's because my father also used to verbally abuse my mom. I don't even know if I can define it as verbal abuse, because I'm not sure - I guess I need confirmation that it is. My father is very strict and raised my older brother as 'Daddy's little boy' and now my brother is basically a clone of him. He was very hard on him and I expect he also verbally abused him, but I think I was too young to remember. My parents divorced when I was about 6 or 7, and since then my brother's behaviour has gotten and is only getting worse. Don't get me wrong, they are both very nice people when they want to be. But most of the time, my brother is basically cruel, angry, and agressive. And loud, definetly. There are so many times he does things (a few times every day, basically) that I can't even begin to describe how cruel he is. As recent examples: today I was sitting at my desk when my dad called to tell us that he'd pick us up tomorrow morning instead of tonight because we're getting renovations done at his house and the paint and whatnot is pretty toxic for overnight stays. After I hung up with my Dad, I told my brother what my Dad told me. My brother then called me 'SO FRICKING STUPID!!!' and 'WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THESE STUPID PLANS,' etc. When I didn't even have anything to do with them. When I walk by the living room where he and my little brother are watching TV, he calls out 'UGLY!' and 'LOSER!' randomly when I've been nice to him all day. The things he says are usually ten times worse, but these are just the most recent things I can think of at the moment. He also is incredibly horrible to my mom, completely ungreatful and nasty. He says mean things to her. He never hits her or anything, but he throws things at me and my little brother, pushes me across the room, and kicks me as hard as he can when he's mad because I don't agree to give him something he wants from my room or something. I can't really stand much more of it, and I cry a lot because of it. He basically makes us all feel like crap, all the time, and we try but there's nothing we can do about it. I have no clue what to do. I've always considered calilng the cops or something, but there are days when he can be so incredibly nice. We've tried counseling, but whenever he went with my mom he'd play the 'victim' role, as if everyone hates him and is out to get him. I really need to know what to do. I love him, but I hate him. Please, help me out. Thanks.

(This was written on another day

Last week I saw him smoking at lunchtime, which we all know he does but he still thinks that he's got everyone convinced that he doesn't. Anyways, my mom told me to tell her if I ever saw him smoking again, because she promised him $2,000 for his 19th birthday if he he didn't drink or smoke by then. So I told my mom and she called him I guess because he came home and started kicking walls, slamming doors, then came to my room. He was yelling at me louder than I'd ever heard him, and he was madder than I'd ever seen him. He even started CRYING, which I haven't seen him do since we were about 8 or something. Anyway. My mom left for a second to sign for a package or something, so he came to my room and screamed that I was accusing him of things and that I hate him and I just want to see him get in trouble, and then he said 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL MOM?!!!' and I told him, 'The truth, that you were smoking at lunchtime.' And then he slammed my head into the wall. And threw a tin of pencils at my face. He later left and said 'Goodbye for EVER!' and slammed the house door about 5 times before he left. Then my mom came back, and I didn't tell her. My brother came back, and I sat in the bathroom pretty much crying, and eventually he somehow convinced my mom to forget about it and basically told her he WASN'T smoking. Which is completely un-fricking-fair to the point where I feel like crying about it because he is such a complete jerk and a cruel moron that gets away with everything he does.

Today, he came to my room and started to spray me with a bottle of water and basically soaked me. I went to his room to tell my mom but she wasn't looking and he was saying 'Get out of my room, get out of here, get the hell out of my room,' and then he was pushing me out and I told him to get his hands off me. I went to my room and he was in the hallway imitating me, saying 'Get your hands off me, don't touch me' in a voice that implies that I am retarded or something. Now he's sweeping garbage into my room via the bottom of my closed door.

I can't even begin to explain how unbelievably immature he is. To the point of tears. I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, CAN'T stand it anymore. I hate him, and I can't stand him, and he is basically putting this family through hell. Not a day goes by when he doesn't make one of us feel like crap!!! He brings conflict into EVERYTHING he does. He is just a horrible person and I feel like crying because I get so angry and frustrated about it because I can't fight back.

I don't even know if I should call the police!
Please, I really need to know what I should do.
My mother and younger brother are honestly wonderful people.
I don't want to see them having to go through this.
And I don't want to be going through this!

You need to talk to your mother and tell her what happened. Don't hold back anything, tell her everything. He should not be hurting you physically and you should not have to be afraid of him. You need to tell your mom about everything and also ask that she not tell him that you told her so that he can't take it out on you. Also make sure that she knows you are scared of your safety.

reading your situation just gave me the chills. You really need to talk to an adult. Is there a grandparent you can tell, or maybe your school counselor? Your brother needs help! He hasnt been physically abusive towards you, so I dont think the police can legally do anything. Talk to an adult who you feel comfortable with, and one that wont judge you. Make them listen to you!! No1 should have to live under those conditions!! Good luck Hun and God Bless!!

I dont know if this will help but reading it kinda scared me for u. it as if ure bro has gone mad and is well slightly mad. to be honest I think it may well be ure dads fault as he left his mark o your older brother. I think that if sumthing is not done soon then he may start physically abusing you and then evn ure younger brother may start to abuse his family when he get's older. I read a book where it is the parents hu abuse children not the other way round but it really wasnt gd

Hi there.

I'm working on a story for a teen magazine and I need to profile someone with an autistic sibling--it'll be a balanced story about the ups and downs. Please let me know if you're interested. You can check me out at melissacwalker.com.

Best,
Melissa
Fun mail me

Sounds like you're needs a good smack across the face. I'm serious, some people just weren't spanked enough as a kid.

Hey,
Families suck. I know all these replies were almost a year ago, and a lot can change in a year. Eitheir way, my brother is bipolar, has a form of autism, and is adhd, so he does and has done everything you stated above. (as long as the water from the spray bottle can be substituded for a slurpee icee thing.) anyways, if you want to talk or something, I don't have that much advice, but I do know what it is like, so that's got to count for something. anyways, funmail me if you want.
lalalala

DO NOT CALL SUPERNANNY! HE WILL KILL HER!
Just remember, if it get's to out of hand just call the cops!

I am surprised that he hasn't picked up the computer and threw it accross the room because you are typing about him!