How do we handle my boyfriend's crazy mom?

I am 20 years old and my boyfreind and I have been together for 5 years.
We are both in college an hour away from where we both live. There have been problems between his mom and me since day one. First it was because I am from the south and they are from the north, which I guess is some kind of crime to her, then it was because I am baptist and she is catholic(or so she says she never goes to church so im not sure and we go every sunday to my church) well about 2 years ago she blew up at my boyfriend and called me trailer trash(which by the way I live in a neat 1 story regular house in the country with like 10 or more acres of land) but she lives in a million dollar neighborhood with 1/4 of an acre of land to her name and a nice size house. my b/f got mad at left his house for about 2 weeks, during this time my 18th bday came, on that day he was driving my car on the way to school and we wrecked had to go to the hostpital in the abulance the whole nine yards. well his mother never called or anything, about a month or two later my b/f talked her into apologizing for calling me trailer trash, in which she basically excused her actions because she was angry, I told her that jeremy and I had been together a while and if we ever did get married I was scared of what she would be like in our life if she could so easily critize my family that way. Well time went by and she still had crazy episodes were she would get angry over nothing(like my b/f not cleaning up a cup) and it would excalate into a heated arguement which always ends in her calling the police and saying he was being violent…this all happens while I am on the phone with him so I know he has done nothing and I have heard her get mad over nothing and she cusses at him like a sailor..infront of her 16 year old daughter and 8 year old son. anyways she will call the police they will come and talk to him and leave…this has happend a few times now. Well recently his family just got a puppy, my boyfriend asked if he could bring it to my house to show my parents(he is really close to them), his mom said no b/c she would worry about the puppy all night and not have a good night ITS A DOG NOT A CHILD…..she says this right after she said his 16 year old sister could have a guy over while his parents went out on a “date” …but shes not worried about that. She totally has somthing agaist my b/f he is the oldest of the 3 and she had him before she was married (so the dad he has always known really isnt his biological father…but he is extreamly nice and never treats my b/f different..just his mom does) well she told him (my b/f) that he was ruining her life …because he wanted to take the dog??….I mean its not normal for a mother to tell their son that child that right??!?!?!? Later she told me that his biological father was on medicine for seizures and maybe it effected my b/f…….so I asked her why she gets mad at him and tells him he is ruining her life why doesnt she get him help..she is his mother right and that is what they are supposed to do right? Well I sent her a long email about how she gets mad at my b/f for breathing wrong and she can call somebody trailer trash and call it ok b/c she is mad…so how can she expect her son to be calm when he gets angry?? I mean isnt that a logical question…he has always seen her get mean (and I mean MEAN when shes angry..but if he gets mad he has to keep his temper under control) this is odd to me b/c he never loses his temper on anyone but her…and nobody gets to him like she does…i have heard her, she pushes every button he has over and over until he explodes I mean people cant take but so much of someone yelling in their face. My b/f is a very calm and quiet person he does not lose his temper easily and is very polite to everyone…but his mother tells me otherwise…she says he is a horrible selfish violent mean person, but I have never seen it…we have been together 5 years, I have had the opportunity to hear their arguements from start to finish…and she pushes it…she told him yesterday he had to get off the phoen wiht me b/c it was her house and she wanted to have a conversation with him….yelling at him….he is 21 years old and on the deans list at his college….I dont think that she should still be this way…i have been able to deal with it so far but now I feel like we are adults….yeah we are still both living with our parents but why does his mother have to dramatize EVERYTHING! She hates me b/c I dont live in a million dollar house…which became clear when her daughter got her first b/f about a month ago and she LOVES him….and everything in our life is exactly the same(from the south, different religions, both of our parents gave us a car..which they dont believe in..another long story) except they live in a million dollar house… but she is flat out MEAN to her own son, I just dont see how a mother can be that way. I feel liek I have been nice so far but she is pushing me over the edge..she is SO nice to my b.f’s sisters b/f AND HIS FAMILY it is disgusting… she talks about him like she is dating him! I have never been one to be jelous but I guess I am this time…but dont I have a right to be!?! she has always been so rude and MEAN to me and my family and now her daughter (who is her only daughter) has a b/f and she acts like he is God’s gift to the world. I have confronted her about this…in an email b/c there is just no talking to her in person about these things, and she never said anything back and was liek and Angel to my b.f the first night he was home from college for the summer…now 2 days later there have been about 5 times she has tried SOOO hard to pick a fight…mostly while I am on the phone with him…which is odd bc we dont talk on the phone that much..but she choses to start it then….she does anything from question why I can’t take him to pick up his car from the shop(which would you say is the parents job) to critizing him for not eating her cooking bc she does not cook greasy food(he eats at my house a lot)…again critizing me bc I am from the south…I just need some advice b/c I love my boyfriend to death…and we have a perfect relationship until she comes into the picture…people tell me when you marry someone you marry their family…but how can I leave him because of his mother when he cant stand her either??!?!?!? he says when he moves out and gets married it wont be bad..but I know it will..she will always find a way to get to me…and I have tried not to let her do it for 5 years….but its eating at me and I just want to pick up the phone and fuss her out…but then you know shed’ call the police and kick my b/f out of her house.

Bless you if you have taken the time to actually read all this

Wow it sounds like this women is one mean selfish cow!! there is def something going on with her and her resentment to her son, seeing as tho she singles him out and drives him crazy. Maybe, if he is interested in strengthening their relationship consider going to therapy together and starting a fresh. Or if he doesnt want anything to do with her he needs to move out asap becos its sounds like all she wants to do is make his life hell and thats no way to treat your own flesh and blood.

The lady is mentally ill. You have to learn to ignore oh, 95% of this woman's ramblings. And lucky for you, it sounds like your boyfriend is aware that he must also ignore 95% of her. It sounds like she's really, REALLY getting to you and you seem to be focusing on everylittlethingshesaysanddoes. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath and let it go. All you have to do is be polite, but ignore the silliness.

We all have to deal with in-law nuttiness on some level or another. Out and out craziness sucks, but it's a sad fact of life. As long as your boyfriend continues to cut the cord and not give this woman power or feed into her craziness, then you both can grow together and learn how to let it roll of your back.

My parents are both nutty and I went into foster care. So any man who is with me has to accept that I simply do not have parents because they were crazy and hurtful. So of course those of us born to wackos deserve love. Those of us who had a bad childhood and wacky parents, yet realize it, and not let it destroy ourselves, our lives, or our loves. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy. You two just focus on yourselves as adults and build healhty lives and do not allow unhealthy people to cast any bad mojo into it.

Ahhhh, isn't that the beautiful thing about being adult? We don't have to take it anymore.

I

hey,

I was just surfin the net and came across your problem. im from ireland and have the exact same problem- im 19and been with my b/f for 4 years now and at the beginning she was real nice 2me but doesnt like me now over summit stupid - I dont even know why but at least you have your b/f support. my b/f doesnt see that his mam is doin anything wrong and usually takes her side. she babies him as he is the oldest and thinks that I'm trying to take her wee boy away from her but hes 21! I really think you just got to ignore it as your b/f is on your side and obviously loves you v much so just try and not let it annoy you even tho I know how hard that can be. good luck x