My boyfriends daughter

Okay my boyfriend's sixteen year old daughter stayed out with a boy all night after she fooled us to think she was going to spend the night with a girfriend,she would not answer the phone or call home to let us know where she was... we found out only...

after her friends who where covering for her finally told on her because they were going to get in trouble as well...this is not the first time she has done something like this and all he did was take her cell phone as a step-parent I don't know what to do if he keeps letting her get away with things like this she will out of control soon...am I wrong to believe that she deserves a more harsh punishment or should I just let him handle her and stand back.

Being a step-parent can be difficult because you share the same responsibilities as a blood parent but are not always considered as having the same rights (ex.: a say on punishments). You have very good legitimate reasons to be worried about your step-daughter mostly because if she keeps lying about where she is then you'll never know if she is truly safe (and with who she really is).

I think that for the moment you should not interfere in the father-daughter relationship but you should most definitely have a heart to heart talk about it with your boyfriend. I'd try not have an accusatory tone (ex. don't criticize his way of handling things) but more of a show of concern (ex: tell him you are worried and that you want to find a solution to make sure his daughter is safe at all times).

Also explain how you feel about your role in the family and ask him if he thinks it would be possible to take important decisions about family life and discipline together. Basically, talk about what role that you and he think you should play in this family's life. Once you've figured that out as a couple, it will be must easier to understand where you stand in all this.

Last but not least, the best way to make sure your child is safe is to make your home a safe haven for them and their friends. Give them a space where they can hang out and allow your step-daughter to have friends sleep over. This way you know where she is, you get to know her friends better and you know what she is up. This might mean turning a blind eye to certain things but it's well worth knowing where she is.