How can i deal with my controlling boyfriend?

I don't even know where to start. I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year now. In the beginning, he did not really care what I did at least pretended he did not care and I kinda started liking him for trusting me and for not being into...

my business too much. Every time he left my house at night, I told him to let me know when he makes it home so I know he made it home safe. He thought or at least he said because I started asking where he is and when he made it home, he has the right to do the same. Which is absolutely not my intentions at all. He started by asking where I was who I was with and all that...then he wanted me to text him or call him and let him know where I am @ at all times, then he started bringing things up that happened in the beginning of our relationship and saying that he would NEVER do anything like that even tho I really did not do nothing and we really were not dating. We did not even have sex then yet. He said me going out with friends were the same as cheating. Then he starting saying the clothes I wear are revealing and I swear it doesn't even show anything. Then he said my pants are too tight...then after I met his parents and family, he did not want me near his brother and his dad by myself. He would have to be there with me at all times when they're near me. He always makes sure I'm all covered up when I go there. I wear a size 4 but he wants me to wear size 6 at work so my butt won't show. How stupid is that going to look??? I like to dress up but now I don't even know what dressing up means anymore. I try my best my covering as much as I could but HE IS NEVER SATISFIED!!! he thinks I look at guys when we are out somewhere. He does not like me to go anywhere with anyone. When I am not working, all he wants me to do IS SIT HOME AND EITHER CLEAN OR WHATEVER!!! when he comes home he checks my phone to see who I called and who called me and if he sees # he does not know he checks it to see who it is. He used to work for the phone company I am with and he used to check my call history and text messages all the time and he will write #s he did not recognize and come home and ask me about it and we will argue for the longest time. I have went to a point where we almost ended out relationship but then it's too hard. On the other hand, he is the nice guy. He will do whatever it takes to get me what I ask and take me any places I want to do he just does not want me to go anywhere with out him. I know Everyone's advice probably be LEAVE HIM! but I want to know if there is any way to save this relationship??? Where we can go to get some help. And how I can tell him that? ANYTHING helpful answer to save my relationship.

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:
Try to control or manipulate the other
Make the other feel bad about her-/himself
Ridicule or call names
Dictate how the other dresses
Criticize the other's friends
Are afraid of the other's temper
Discourage the other from being close with anyone else
Ignore each other when one is speaking
Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior
Criticize or support others in criticizing people with your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects
Use physical force or threats to prevent the other from leaving
Sometimes it's not so easy to decide if a troublesome tie should be maintained the way it is, worked on, or ended before it goes any further. One thing to consider is if the relationship was ever different than it is now.

*An addictive relationship is a single overwhelming involvement that cuts a person off from life. It is an addiction in the same sense as drug dependence, identified by ever-increasing craving and ultimate withdrawal syndrome, with the same dynamics of passivity, low self-esteem, magical thinking, helplessness, and lack of initiative or self-confidence.*

In a relationship, two people should be constantly growing....together...they should be sharing ideas, hopes dreams....the hope is that you grow parallel and not apart....and everyone needs his or her own space....if you are emotionally happy you will not be threatened by your partner needing time away or from asking for time for yourself.

*If your friend or person you are dating loses his/her temper a lot and always blame you for things, This is a sign that your relationship is unhealthy
**In a healthy and safe relationship, each person takes responsibility for his or her feelings and actions. You should never have to worry about getting yelled at by your friend or dating partner, and you shouldn't be blamed for everything that goes wrong in his or her life.**
**Has your friend or person you are dating ever told you that you couldn't wear something that you wanted to wear?
This is a warning sign you are in a unhealthy relationship. The way you dress, what you think, or how you act should not be controlled by youre dating partner.**

The truth of the matter is...someone who can be emotionally cruel, malicious, compassionless w/someone who has given their loveto, is so self absorbed in self hate that he is incapable of loving himself much less anyone else. What the abuser feels is obsession, not love!

The truth of the matter is...someone who can be emotionally cruel, malicious, compassionless w/someone who has given their loveto, is so self absorbed in self hate that he is incapable of loving himself much less anyone else. What the abuser feels is obsession, not love!

People who love you will treat you w/respect, consideration, courtesy, honesty, and compassion. The sooner you wake up to the fact that the relationship is unhealthy, and move on, the sooner you life will improve!

This information is about you....
*People with low self-esteem have their major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits with people. The reason, for this inability, is that with low self-esteem comes a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads people to lose themselves in relationships with others. This absorption of self into others leads to a loss of personal internal control. People with low self-esteem have a weakened internal locus of control and become dependent on a strong external locus of control. They become victims to being controlled by how others think, feel about and act towards them. People with low self-esteem are dependent on others' approval and recognition and are therefore fearful of rejection by and conflict with others. It has been estimated in the self-esteem literature that over 90 percent of us are suffering from low self-esteem at one degree or another.
*People with low self-esteem are apt to feel responsible for their partner's unhappiness, and to unwittingly sabotage their relationship as a result.

You both need counseling. He needs it for his controlling behavior, and you need to it to improve your self esteem. Controlling behavior only gets worse over time.

Good Luck!!

I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend. Unfortunately, he is also the father of my unborn baby. He started out not saying to much about the things that I did, which I really liked. Then out of nowhere, he started looking through my phone, accusing me of things. He would flip out if a guy friend would call my phone and say that these guys are not just friends. He has beat guys up for talking to me, has thrown my cell phone, broken pictures, screamed and yelled at me. If I even say hi to a guy when we are out somewhere, I am accused of previously dating him and get the third degree. When we are driving he thinks that I check out guys all the time, when I'm not doing any of this stuff. He has just recently started saying things about some of the shirts that I wear, saying that I should only wear them around him that they are too revealing. I am so sick and tired of this, I don't deserve this!! I don't treat him like that and I expect the same in return. I wish he would or could change, but I don't see it happening. The worst part is that he is the father of my baby and will always be a part of my life now. He also threatens that if he can't have me then no-one will. I feel like I have only put up with him this long..because I am pregnant. I don't want to be alone!! I know that is a lame excuse, but I really do feel like that is the reason why. He has gone to counseling, it hasn't done anything for him. He will say that he is trying to get better and that I am nuts, he is basically tyring to make me feel like nothing at times in order to make me stay with him!! Or at least that is my opinion. He apologizes all the time and is very sincere about it!! I don't really know how to get away. He, like your boyfriend would do anything for me and is so in to me! I think I love the attention that he gives me, but I do believe it is more of an obsession. I think we both know it will never work, what kind of life is that? It shouldn't be this way, a guy should bring you up, not down.

my boyfriend is the same in his eyes he owns me like a pet or something. but I look at the jealousy part as a comfert zone bet your like huh well what I mean is if you love this person so much think of it as he wants you and couldn't live with the fact of his girl being with another man sometimes its annoying but you know I think that is a mans way of saying I love you ladies use your head damn if he didn't want you and if he didn't care about you he wouldn't be that he knows he has got something good and doesn't want to lose it oh and why would you want to impress anybody other than ya man if you really love him you shouldn't want too if you still don't think I'm here another good reason to just deal at least when he is callin to cheak up on every ten mins. when you are out or when he is payin attention to who you look when you go out together it doesn't give him much time to have thoughts of bein with another women

Sometimes a controlling person does not agree that they are controlling. It could be because of their ego or they think the behavior is normal.

I believe that this behavior is somewhat related to a person's past and counseling is necessary, but tell that to a controlling person and they will make you feel guilty about their own unusual behavior.

Something drastic has to be done, so you may have to ask for a separation period so that both of you can find yourself.

See more details on controlling boyfriend advice at http://squidoo.com/signs-of-a-controlling-relationship

There really is no way to save this relationship.
Hes a jerk, and you deserve someone better

I raised my son on my own. I was so afraid of doing it alone. We were fine. It is actually easier to raise a child on your own, for me anyway (except for money), but you can get child support. My son is 17 now and doing fine. I wouldn't waste another day with your control freak boyfriend. Stand up to him now before it gets worse, before something bad happens. DON'T WASTE ANOTHER DAY. Life is too short. Go stay with your parents, if you can, or a friend. I am still a single Mom and loving it. My married friends are generally envious of my freedom. I go when I want to go. Do what I want to do, and no one tells me I can't. My son and I have travelled to 44 states, Canada, Mexico, UK, and Ireland. I love my life. Being a single Mom is great! Don't be afraid.

mm maybe he really loves you and doesnt want to lose you

I have the exact same problem. We have been together for almost 4 years and now have a 2 month old daughter. I know for a fact he loves us both but he is the most controlling person ever. He was not like this at first but its getting worse. I do not want to leave him but I cannot put up wit this behavior. He checks my phone every time he see's me. He accuses me of looking at other guys. When I dont. He says my pants are too tight and wont even let me wear a tank top. If I go to the store I have to change into pants if I am in shorts. He asks me everyday if I have talked to guys or done something I am not supposed to. Then after I answer he makes me put it on my babies life and his, talk about trust issues. He tells me to eat a lot so that I'm not too skinny, and im not even that skinny to begin with. He says I can only wear make up for him and he will not let me out unless I absolutly have to for some reason. If I try to change him he automatically says that I am not happy with him and I should leave him. The he starts crying. I know this is because he knows I care for him too much and he does it as a guilt trip. He then wants me to talk to him ALL DAY on the phone when I have online school and I have the job of a mom, and he gets sad if I cant talk to him all day and says I do not have time for him. And just today I told him I was going back to work since I had my baby, he said no that he will give me money, oh ya and he has no job? Who know's what his plan is but I told him to be real because I have many expenses (including hospital bills) to pay and he was finally gonna let me then he suddenly said no because I will wear tight pants to work. Stupid reason right? I do not want to leave him but I know this relationship will not go well. What should I do? Other than leave him...

My boyfriend is the same way. He does not want for me to go out with my friends he says their all hoes and are bad influences even though I've known them before I even met him and he knows nothing about them. If I wear a sexy top he says that I need to take it off because it shows too much even though I was dressing sexy when we meet and he loved it all of a sudden I cant wear those things anymore. if he has guy friends over he accuses me of looking at them and checking them out when all of his friends are ugly as hell and I would never even give the the time of day. He always checks my phone most of my guy friends who I knew from school for at least 10 years or more he wont let me talk to them because he thinks that we use to date. When he finally does let me go out he calls me constantly so I really don't get to have fun and Im a social drinker so when I go out I like to drink I mean who doesn't that why they made alcohol and when I come home drunk he accuses me of sleeping with someone or talking to guys when I don't I just like to go out with my girls and have a good time. We argue all the time over nothing or at least I think that its nothing. And its just really frustrating but other than the controlling issues every things fine he a very good man he takes care or our child and if I need or want anything he makes sure that I get it. He's very funny and makes me laugh when were not arguing and he's a very trustworthy person I just don't understand why he does not trust me I have never given him any reason for not trusting me and we have a 6 month old daughter named Jazlyn who looks just like him. I love him a lot I wish he would change his controlling ways and then we could take our relationship to the next level.

man.. After I've red all these.. I feel like such an idiot because I controll my girlfriend too much..