My boyfriend is controlling

what do I do when my boyfriend I a jealous and controlling person?
He always argues with me about my clothing when he knew how I dressed when I first got with him? We fight about my passed. I'm thinking he's insecure but he sure has a way of bringing me down and making me feel bad. I always go running to him and telling him to not worry about it that it's my fault basically (kiss his ass). I don't understand him, we have this fourty minute break at our regional occupation school and he doesn't want me to go out at that time he says the only reason I go out if to talk to all the guys and to show off. I never show off only because I like to dress nice and because I have a lot of friends. I love him so much and I don't want to leave him. We,ve also sat and argued about this and talked about it but it always remains in me saying I'm sorry and I'll change who I am just to patch things up.

My sincere advice is to break up with him as soon as you can.

If you want to spend a life feeling small and put down, insecure and emptionally empty, then stay with him.

Some men specialize in making women feel small. Some women might like this, but based on your message you don't. Too many women these days stick with a man because they love him, but they dont love how he behaves. Does that make sense?

You're young, free and have a future in front of you. Either write off that future, or leave the bum as soon as you can!

Ditch the di*k, this is how abusive relationships start.

Seriously, ask any woman at a woman's shelter.

You can spell, you seem decently intelligent (this is meant as a compliment), you are young.

What the hell is the love thing? What makes people think that they have to be in love by 22? That's only a quarter of your life, to spend the other 3/4 with! And you knew him how long?

Go get a new boyfriend, one that treats you good. Here's a hint: he (likely) won't be at a bar. Try the sports field for someone who is quieter, slightly shy, tries hard and isn't the best at the particular sport. Odds are, he'll just be happy talking to you. If you're brave enough, ask him out.

Honestly, these are the first signs that your boyfriend is an abuser. Do you know much of his family history? Was his father abusive to his mother? Was he abused as a child? Physically or emotionally? If he is already behaving this way in the beg. believe me it will only get worse. It can escalate-pushing, grabbing, hitting...Jelousy and isolation are forms of abuse. He is trying to control you. I can't make you get help but there are some options..

First don't isolate yourself from your family and friends-He is probably trying to isolate you already. It is very inportant to have supportive people around you.

second-get some counseling -Now-It is very important for you to get some help-either by telephone or in person, but you need to have someone trained to talk with. Try the NAtional domestic violence hotline-They can give you Helplines around your area. You dont have to give your info if you don't feel comfortable.

Third-you could try educating your self on domestic violence. If you educate yourself, than maybe you will be able to see just what red flags these things he is doing are.

Men like this never ever change-unless it's with EXTENSIVE therapy/counseling (not just a 12 week anger managment course) This is a learned behavior. He will promise to get help, he will apologize and give you flowers, or maybe he wont-and just threaten you-either way please get out now.

the best advice I can give is RUN AS FAST AS YOU can to get your self out of this very distructive relationship it WILL NOT get any better ONLY WORSE trust me he does not love you! people in love truley DO NOT treat people that way. Believe me this is no way any of your fault the boy needs serious HELP!!!!!! Good luck

I am having sort of the same issue. My boyfriend is always telling me what I can and cannot do. How I can dress,how I can talk,who I can talk to. I can't give you that much advice. But maybe you can help me. What do you do when your boyfriend goes from caring to over controlling?

I have a similar problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years.I am not allowed to do anything, but he does what he wants. I can't even go to a co worker's birthday party ,or to church. What can I do to change this?

well hi there,I also have a boyfriend who is controlling and he always argue over simple nothings. I think that he is a bit overprotective.we have been together for three years now and I have been living with him for a year and a half.he orders me around as if he owns me and I really dont like it. he never wants to sit down and talk like grown ups and he never listens to me. SOS PLIZ SOMBODY HELP ME,ITS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME TO FEEL THIS.

My boyfriend of almost 6 months,dont get me wrong, I love him we have such good times together & at times he knows how to treat me nicely.I may also add I am his first 'real' girlfriend & I did start with him after a previous break up.I used to possess such traits as independence, fun,&outgoing.But over time I, and my friends notice changes.He checks my mail,voicemail,& searches all through my phone,deletes things he doesnt like & ths is made into a daily routine.Stresses to me to not go out just stay home & talk to him,when going out is something I love to do.Clothing is another big issue when I dont even wear revealing clothing, & I've stayed the same wardrobe since hes known me.He repeats that he does not trust me, because I do not give him a reason to.Im not aloud to talk to any guys, he even gets jealous when I talk to my cousins..I am not out to get him, I am not unfaithful by any means. We continuasly argue,& it wont stop until I have to admit I am wrong,he is right,while putting me down over and over.I have brought up breaking up then he changes and crys to me saying he couldnt live without me...it makes me feel guilty, and puts me in a bad situation..

Girls...I have the same situation....My boyfriend is controlling about what I wear, I cant give out my number to my friends but he can. we dont even go places because he says he dont want people to see me. My advice is dump the dicks. their controlling because they are insecure and they know they got a hottie. Lets take a stand and get out. If they really love us then they will change and beg for us back!!! Im dumping my man right now!

I understand all of these worries, I have just split up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He was the same, he didn't trust me with my best mate, he never liked my family or anyone else who I talked to. It has been one week now since we broke up, we have had a long conversation about our problems and it just made me angry and upset. I feel bad for him because he said I was his best mate, which was not true but made me feel awfull. I always felt that I should make up and apologise for how I was but I realise it was not my problem. It hurts so much to not have him around but also feels like a huge weight off my mind and I'm free now to do what I want to do, its really exciting, the world is my oyster, think about it-let go, there will be someone out there for you who understands your needs, I will be taking my time before I meet anyone else, I'm in my 30's and still have time to find the right one! It's good to be on your own for a while, discover who you are and what you will tollerate.
Time is the greatest healer, enjoy life!!!

I just got dumped by the same kind of guy. He aggressively pursued me & eithin weeks, he began to show his abusive nature. he did all of the things that all of you mentioned and more. yet, I stayed with him. for about 3 years, I would stay home while he was at church 'becoming the man I wanted him to be.' only, he didn't tell them he was seeing me. he got promoted into leadership positions, etc. while he was at all of the singles events for his ministry, I was at home b/c he would constantly accuse me of seeing someone else, but he didn't want me going where he was either (go figure). when he would come back to the complex where we lived, he would spend all of his night hours with me. he constantly told me how his lust issue was my fault and if I really wanted him to change, I would dress more modestly. come on, I had on jogging suits and turltenecks and he still blamed me. he could NEVER own up to his faults. how it ended-he was having one of his functions to which I wasn't invited. he was supposed 2 have friends over watching movies-it ended up being only 1 friend, a female. when I walked outside 2 see them getting into his car, he drove off & acted like I was stalking HIM. he broke up w/me later that night & said that I should have had a clue that he'd never marry me if he hadn't married me w/in the 4 1/2 years we'd been dating. he turned the all the problems in our relationship on me. he said I was negative and constantly nagging him (because I didn't want sex before marriage and objected to his CONSTANT attempts). he would even strip me, pin me down, and taunt me while I begged him to keep his hands off of me. he thought it was funny and that I was over reacting. BUT he claims that I am the one who had the problems and hurt him. --he was so charming/deceptive that I believed this crap when he was breaking up with me. for a couple days I even wanted him back b/c I thought I was at fault, had messed things up and missed out on a good man because I wasn't 'positive' enough for him. give me a break--I thank God for protecting me from something worse--but if objecting to his abuse and fighting back is being negative, then I am guilty--it kept me from something much worse.
oh yeah, all the people at his church are head over heals for him and believe he can do no wrong. I was tempted to tell them about him, but he will get his coming--I don't need to help it. I just feel sorry 4 the girl he's seeing now. he may have something new and be charming to her right now, but he went right out of a 4 1/2 yr relationship w/me into a relationship w/her and is already having her over till 3am in the morning.
so, leave him. I hope you can see from my story how bad things can get. spare urself unnecessary pain. you may hurt from the loss of a relationship-b/c we all want to be in love-but love comes and goes all the time. just like you met him, you will meet someone else. just take this time to get to know yourself, love yourself, and find out why you are so attracted to this type of guy. it may be a part of you that needs to be healed so that you don't enter this type of relationship again. this is the advice I am following 4 myself. I wish you all the best.

WELL IF I WAS YOU I WOULD STOP LETTING HIM CONTROL YOUR LIFE BY SHOWING HIM THAT INSIDE YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON & IF YOU SHOW THAT YOU ARE NOT BOTHERED IF HE LEAVES YOU ,THE MORE HE WILL CALM HIMSELF DOWN,STOP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT HE IS DOING JUST ACT YOUR NORMAL SELF AND LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE NOT A PUSHOVER AND YOU WILL NOT GIVE IN TO HIM.
HOPE IT HELPS FROM ANGELA X

My friends boyfriend is like this. He's real insecure and thinks that she likes all these other guys. He doesn't like her going anywhere with people he doesn't know becuase he thinks they're a bad influence. Any time she'd rather hang with her friends he just assumes its becuase she doesn't like him anymore even though they spend almost everyday with each other.

my friends boyfriend is the exact same way, they have been dateing for 8 months, and recently she has been talking to another boy that her boyfriend has had a bad past with, she told me her boyfriend wasn't showing any type of issues until recently, hes been pushing her a lot, and in school hes constantly grabbing at her. and everytime she goes and talks to her new friend her boyfriend says she can't because hes a loser, and he dosn't want her to talk to him, hes even brought her to tears about the whole thing. I know the term 'loser' is a little immature but thats what he said. I told her hes being jealous but he wont admit to it.

maybe you could help me with this actually please
what'd you end up doing?
my boyfriend isn't 'controlling' I don't think? I don't know. He gets upset when I spend time with his bestfriend who is also my best guy friend. He's had girlfriend's leave him in the past for his bestfriends so I try to be considerate about it. but he gets mad if one of my txts is short when im around his bestfriend and yells and says why don't I be with the guys who I have more fun with. him and I spend sooo much time together and I've lost closeness with lots of people due to it yet he says I always choose people over him and don't spend time with him and cause us to lose closeness. I tell him everything I help him I listen I try to be considerate. but he compares me to his friends girlfriend who is always at her bfs class before he's out, I'm sorry I have a social life. what do I do