My books

Okay so I've been writing books since I was in at least 1st or 2nd grade. But, I'm starting to feel slightly uncomfortable because my books seem like they are really childish. here's one of my stories, well part of my story.
...

Twilight Garden
Chapter 1: The Move
“Do you guys really have to move?” Raven a furry brown squirrel asked her best friend Casey, a furry brown rabbit.
“Yeah, I guess so! But I don’t want to!” Casey said bursting into tears.
Casey and Raven had known each other their whole lives. They did everything together. They ate together and they even picked out their fur coats the week before every winter together. Casey, her mother, her father and her younger sister were moving because there was no more food for their family to eat in their petite city of Lily Park. Their plan was to move to a big city famous for its garden which was where it got its name . The name of the city was called Twilight Garden.
“Casey, sweetie, it’s time to leave.” Casey’s mother Linda told her. “We have to hurry before it gets dark, and you know it’s not good for a rabbit to be out at night.” Her mother then grabbed her purse and hurried off to her car.
“I guess this is it ,” Raven began “I’m really going to miss you.” The two girls hugged each other then let go.
“Bye. You and I can still visit each other; that’s a good thing.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
The two hugged again and Casey scampered off to her car. “Hi , sissy!” Mary, Casey’s little sister said not understanding what was happening.
“Please not right now Mary. I’m not the happiest hare in the bunch.” Casey replied. Mary blinked her big eyes in a fast pace looking like she was going to cry, but she didn’t. Mary lowered her ears and turned away. “Mary I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just that…I really wish we didn’t have to leave Raven. Her mother and father have been having a lot of unnecessary arguments in the middle of the night and now Raven has no one to talk to. We’ve become very close lately, and I feel like I’m letting her down. You probably don’t understand me do you?” Casey asked with a frown.

Chapter 2: A new friend
“I understand,” said little Mary. Mary had just barely learned to talk. Casey gave a faint smile and turned her head so she could listen to her MP3 player (an MP3 player is a device used to listen to music.)
While listening to her music Casey had drifted off to a deep sleep and woke up on her green circular bed. Casey sat up and walked around. She was in a large cave with shimmering stalactites on the ceiling. “Mom, where are you?” she said peeking around every corner.
to be continued...
Well if you like it please tell me and even if you don't just please don't be so rude about it.

Yeah its cool.

Your basic idea is a good one.

It sounds like a story that would be fit for a teenage base, but the characters are obviously something that would be more in tune to a child.

So, technically, it's either too advanced to be a children's book, or too juvenile to be a teenager's book. I think you should figure out which way you're trying to go with that and make the necessary adjustments.

Your grammar and sentence structure needs a little work, as well as your detailing, but all that comes with time.

Don't give up - you have a talent in there that's just waiting to show it's full potential.

oh the characters are animals because it was a school assigned story.

To me it seems like what bookstores call an 'independent reader' book... its like a chapter book for younger kids. There's nothing wrong with that- someone has to write books for kids that age. But if you're looking to gear it toward an older audience, I suggest a) changing the characters b) upgrading some vocabulary c) adding more description (chapters should be longer than just three paragraphs) and d) try not to repeat things so much, such as While listening to her music Casey had drifted off to a deep sleep and woke up on her green circular bed. Casey sat up and walked around. We know you're talking about Casey now, so you don't need to repeat her name again.