My boyfriend & I

I don't know what 2 do I am scared me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship and I love him but he just told me today that he wants 2 have a threesome with out me witch really bothered me and I mean men all ways have there fantasy's but don't all ways act on them and my boyfriend is amazing hes every thing I have ever dreamed of hes sweet,funny, nice,charming,a gentlemen,he plays the piano,likes classical music hes hot,he has a amazing smile and gorgeous brown eyes,he likes the music I like,hes older,hes random I love randomness lol and he can cook lol I love him so much and I don't know what 2 do I don't know weather 2 believe him it scares me can men and adults please comment on this I know you younger have some good advice but I really just want a adults point of view

OK, firstly, deep breaths...breath in...hold!...breath out...

Breath in again...hold!...breath out...

Breath in once more...long hold!...breath out...

Breath in again...hold!...breath out...

OK, feeling a little calmer?

Right. Lets see what you have written and how we can dissect it and address your concerns one at a time.

I have replied in bold to seperate my response from your question.

I THINK FIRSTLY WE MAY NEED TO CLARIFY QUITE A FEW ISSUES TO GIVE US A CLEAR BASIS TO REPLY FROM

OK, so it looks like you are 16 and you said:

I don't know what 2 do I am scared me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship...RIGHT. DO YOU MEAN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP OR A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP? HOW OFTEN DO YOU ACTUALLY SEE HIM? IS IT AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP?

and I love him but he just told me today that he wants 2 have a threesome with out me witch really bothered me and I mean men all ways have there fantasy's but don't all ways act on them. THIS IS A REAL WEIRD THING FOR YOUR GUY TO COME OUT AND SAY. IS HE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED AND MAYBE SAYING THAT OUT OF FRUSTRATION BECAUSE HE CANT BE WITH YOU AS OFTEN AS HE WOULD LIKE?

HE COULD BE SAYING THIS IN ANGER WITHOUT REALLY PLANNING TO ACT ON IT. IS IT MAYBE HIS WEIRD WAY OF SAYING HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU MORE? (I THINK THE CONTEXT OF THE DISCUSSION WHEN THIS WAS SAID COULD BE VERY IMPORTANT HERE)

and my boyfriend is amazing hes every thing I have ever dreamed of hes sweet,funny, nice,charming,a gentlemen,he plays the piano,likes classical music
THIS MAY BE SO BUT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS CAHNGE OVER TIME, ESPECIALLY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. I MUST BE HONEST AND SAY THAT THE MAJORITY OF LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS TEND TO DIE OUT AS EACH OR ONE OF THE COUPLE MAKE NEW FRIENDS. IT IS NOT PLANNED, IT CAN JUST HAPPEN BUT THAT MAY NOT NECISSARILY BE THE CASE HERE. I JUST WANT YOU TO REALISTIC THAT THIS IS A POSSIBILITY AND THIS WAS HIS WAY OF TRYING TO LET YOU KNOW.

HAS HE MENTIONED THINGS LIKE THIS BEFORE?

hes hot,he has a amazing smile and gorgeous brown eyes,he likes the music I like,hes older,hes random I love randomness lol
HE CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE HE IS BEING RANDOM. IT SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS SAID THIS TO PROVOKE A REACTION FROM YOU. AS I SAID EARLIER, WHAT WAS BEING DISCUSSED WHEN HE SAID THIS TO YOU?

and he can cook lol I love him so much and I don't know what 2 do I don't know weather 2 believe him it scares me can men and adults please comment on this I know you younger have some good advice but I really just want a adults point of view

BOTH MEN AND WOMEN HAVE SEXUAL URGES AND WHEN COUPLE ARE APART FOR A LONG TIME THESE URGES CAN TAKE OVER LOGIC AND FEELINGS.

(GOING BACK TO LOWER CASE NOW)

Is there any chance you can arrange to meet up with him or is this difficult? I'm not saying do this without first discussing it with your parents though. Your safety is the main thing here.

Can he visit you maybe?

OK,
While I wait for some more info from you lets look at some possible procative ideas:

1) Call him and ask him what the hell he was doing telling you that he wanted to have a threesome. (Even more weirdly, WITHOUT YOU)

2) Ask him if he realises just how much it hurt you and how upset this made you.

3) Tell him that you dont really believe that he will do this and call his bluff and ask what he was really trying to tell you?

4) Be strong and ask him if he wants the relationship with you to continue. If he says yes, then this is your chance to lay down a few ground rules.

5) Before you contact him, make some notes about what you want to say to him. If possible and if this is something you usually do, try a videolink as it will be harder for him to lie to you if you can see his face.

6) Most importantly:

6a) Dont get into an arguement with him.

6b) Dont 'love' him so much that you let him walk all over you. A healthy relationship should have some give and take both ways.

6c) Use phrases such as (replace the '?' in the phrases):

'When you said ? it made me feel ?
'What did you mean exactly when you said ?'
'Since I last spoke to you I have been feeling ? because you said ?'
'Have you considered how you would have felt if I had said ? to you?'
'It really hurt me when you said ?'
'When you dont do ? it makes me really unhappy'

If you use these sort of phrases, he will find it harder to challenge them or argue with you about them as there relate directly to how YOU felt. Those feelings were personal to and experienced by YOU. IE, They were/are real feelings of hurt and are not open for discussion. They are unchallengeable facts.

Good luck. Please update us and hopefully give us more information about the situation so it is easier for us to advise you.

Who is he going to have a threesome with?? Does he actually know two chicks who want to do it with him? Is this all settled or is he just talking sh*t?? Thats what I'm wondering...

rawrgrrl -2 tell you the truth I don't know he just told me that and it really bothered me

it is over the internet I see him on cam every once in a while but other then that we don't like chill or any thing he lives in Arkansas and I live in NH

well I have no doubt in my mind that he might b sexually frustrated and I mean I am glad he told me this in a way cause I mean at least hes honest with me and my him telling me this he must trust me or some thing but I don't like the thought of him thinking of other girls but I mean I know it happens

yes and no at the same time he has told me he has wanted a threesome but he has never told me he wanted it with out me

well it all started when I bet him that he was perfect cause I am all ways saying hes perfect and and then he said that and I mean I still think hes a amazing boyfriend but this is really a bother and I mean I know my dad he thinks of other people other then my mom but that don't mean he would cheat or leave her even though at the time they are in a long distance relationship all so but then yet they have all so been together for 17 years

neither of us can visit each other and even if we did I wouldn't just have sex with him cause we haven't been dating for long and it would b our first time meting and I would like 2 just hang rather then just got out and have sex

and he knows it hurt me and he said he was sorry he said the last thing he wants 2 do is hurt me and I wouldn't yell or get in to a argument with him I would get in to a healthy Discussion I don't believe in arguing

so yea thats that