Moving out with boyfriend

I'm 19 years old and in my first year of University; my boyfriend is 20 and currently living with his sister and her boyfriend and working full time. In two years he's going to college; therefore we'll graduate at the same time. We're planning to move...

out together in a year, a few months after my 20th birthday and the end of my second year of University. I've never looked forward to anything quite so much before, and I haven't felt as certain about something in a long time. We have a great relationship, are financially secure, and hope to get married when we're in our mid 20's.

The problem is my Grandparents. I've lived with them since I was about 7 and they've been my guardians since I was 12; they're like parents to me. (Well, I'm much closer to my Grandmother than I am to my Grandfather.) I know that moving out on my own will cause them to freak out and they'll disapprove - not only did my uncle live at home until he was 30 (setting a greaaat example for me), they're very protective of me. I also know that they, being fairly old fashioned, don't think it's right for couples to live together if they're not married. They are also much more religious than I am. Neither of them completely 'love' my boyfriend, and think our relationship is moving faster than they would like. For example, my grandmother got very uptight about my boyfriend possibly buying me a [right hand] ring for our one-year anniversary...I made some excuse about not wanting to lose the ring, and made him get me a necklace instead, to calm the waters with my Grandmother.

I thought of my first option as going about this by integrating them with the idea in steps. For the next year I'll be very responsible, and have already said that I will begin doing my own laundry and cooking the family dinner at least once a week. I already essentially pay them rent every month to cover my living expenses - an amount I have projected to be more than my monthly living expenses rent with my boyfriend.) Then I'll finish getting my license (Where I live we have a step-license program)
and buy a car. Throughout this, when it's right for the conversation, I'll being sentences with 'When I move out...' or 'When I get my own apartment...' - And then tell them I'm moving out on my OWN at first. My boyfriend would 'help me' choose things and organize (actually we would decide together) and after a couple months of moving out on my own, I'd then tell them my boyfriend is moving in with me...over the phone to avoid the wrath. Of course, because of this, the apartment would be in my name, not both of ours, and it may not be subject to change with out paying first and last month's rent twice.

However, I have recently thought of a second option - suck it up and tell them I'm moving out with him from the start. I can list how we're responsible, financially secure, in love, don't believe common living is wrong, try to lighten it by saying 'Well it's not like I'm getting married right now' etc. etc. - That way my boyfriend and I don't have to go behind their back in choosing an apartment and decorating/furnishing it etc together. My Dad has passed away, but when he was alive his girlfriend moved in with him and they had an amazing relationship for several years. I know it's not the exact same situation but I guess I could use that as a defense also...it's a bit of an eggshell topic with my family to begin with though. They never liked her for that reason. Also - at the time we move in together, my boyfriend and I will have been dating for three years; My grandparents dated LESS than that when they got married. I can't tell them I'm planning to do this because my boyfriend and I want to spend the rest of our lives together - because I know my grandparents would freak out over the little girl getting tied down by love at age 20...regardless of the fact that them freaking out over that would be more than slightly hypocritical.

Anyways, main question is - which approach should I take? Or, if neither - what could I do to ease them into this? I don't want them to have too much of a shock, and I don't want to strain relations with them, because I love them very much. However, I am looking forward to doing things (openly) with my boyfriend - as well as sharing my life with him and having more independence!

Thanks for the advice in advance. =)

I think your first approach is better. There is less shock value there. As for getting married in your mid-20s, It might be better to wait until your late 20s. Living with someone is a whole different world than dating. One thing to keep in mind with your relationship...Communication. Make an agreement with your boyfriend that there isn't anything you can't talk about. Love is great, but communication is an excellant key to a great relationship. Issues should be talked about, not fought about.

It took me 3 marriages to learn this, so I speak with experience.