Married seven years, getting the itch!! what do i do?

I have been happily married for seven years, and dated this man for 3 before we got married. We have a pretty good relationship and are still friends. We have a 1 year old son who we both adore, but he has put a bit of a strain on things, as kids tend to...

do. There are some problems in our relationship, hubby doesn#039;t handle the whining and neediness of a child very well, so I end up doing a lot of the stuff myself. But for the most part, things are okay.
Now here#039;s the problem: I want to be with someone else. Not a committed relationship, just a fling or something. I feel bored and lonely with my hubby and spend a great deal of time thinking of being with someone else. I desperately miss the spark and fire you feel the first time you kiss someone new. I don#039;t have any dillusions of anything, that#039;s what scares me. I don#039;t want a commitment from someone, I just want somebody besides my husband to flirt with and possibly be intimate with but not have all the other relationship stuff that goes with having a guy on the side. Now the problem gets even worse: I met the perfect guy for a fling. He#039;s nice, but set in his ways, a little self-centered but discrete and not wanting anything more than I do. I once was told never to cheat with someone who has less to loose than you do and that makes sense. But I can#039;t decide if a fling is worth loosing anything over. But I can#039;t get it out of my head. I know that a fling would probably ruin our marriage, or it wouldn#039;t be easily repaired, but the other issue is that I sometimes think my husband is thinking the same thing, just by comments he makes. But not a subject I think prudent in discussing. What do I do? I know that this guy I met won#039;t call, or expect more, he#039;s not a jerk or anything and I am incredibly attracted to him (mostly physical, but I do enjoy him). I don#039;t want a divorce, I don#039;t want to ruin my marriage but I can#039;t stand having this stuck in my head, it#039;s turning into torture. Part of this is because I recovered well from the pregnancy and look and feel better than I have since we were dating. Now I get guys checking me out in the grocery store wondering whose kid I am babysitting. It makes me feel good, but at the same time, makes me long for yesterday. HELP!!!

Cinnamon

If you, in any way, want your marriage to work--then DO NOT have a little 'fling.' It never works. You need to direct your energies toward making your marriage better.

If these feelings for a fling are being brought out by loneliness, you should talk to your hus about your feelings. It sounds like you two need to work on giving your marriage a booster-shot.

And it's a huge cop-out to have a fling because you 'think' your husband might be feeling the same way. Actually it is not the feelings that are wrong--it's the acting on them that is.

It must feel good to look better after having a baby. But if you know this, you don't need some stranger or acquaintance kissing you to validate you. Your work is all inward, in you and your husband.

Good luck and God Bless

That#039;s the thing, our marriage isn#039;t bad. We get along pretty good, but it#039;s all the same. And I#039;m not sure sex or even intimacy is the issue. It#039;s newness I think I am craving. Just the thought of being with someone new, even in conversation is stimulating to me. I want to desperatly talk to him about this but I know if I do, he#039;ll probably think I#039;ve already done something, which I haven#039;t. I even consider at times asking him if he would like to be with someone new, I don#039;t think that would bother me all that much, I would understand. He has constantly wanted to have a threesome, which in guy language is cheating but your wife knows because she#039;s there. As long as we both understood that it#039;s not a relationship breaker we#039;re looking for, it#039;s just newness. I love my husband very much but the day to day is driving me crazy.

Our minds play cruel tricks on us. From experience, that fling will make you feel worse. Granted a few minutes of excitement and thrill are wrapped in an affair, but murder and roller coasters are full of thrills; one is fun and innocent and the other is a sin and destroys numerous lives. Are you interested in making your son, husband and your friends and family (in-laws too) miserable and never trust you again? Affairs are painful and quot;murderquot; relationships. In most cases affairs only leave the body alive but the soul or heart is destroyed.

Second reality is the desperation from the affair leads to chains of bad decisions. Lovers quickly believe their affair is a relationship with all the problems, despite going into it thinking it is just a fling and over quickly. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You have to be strong and channel the energy into your family. Anyone have any tips for satisfying her fantasies without breaking up the relationship?

Try having that affair with your husband. Do a little role playing. Find a parent or friend who can watch your child for a weekend. Write your husband a couple notes (possibly pretend you just met), and meet somewhere (a nice hotel, etc). Spend the weekend together pretending it is the first time.

Surprise him, by doing/acting different than you normally do and he might surprise you in return.

I have to agree with what#039;s been said before. A fling will only make things worse.

Seriously, try the roleplaying thing. Be a different woman for him, let him be a different man for you.

And remember, we, as humans, are never static. We all change. You are not the woman he married, and he is not the man you said quot;I doquot; to. Take some time and find out who these new people are. You might find out that the newness that you crave is already there... it#039;s just the the habits that couples accumulate over the years have interfered with your ability to see the changes you#039;ve gone through.

All blessings.

I can totally relate to your dilema. I am in the same situation, loving husband, great family...but there is something missing. How did you cope? I am consumed by the thought of having an affair with an extremely established, younger man. We#039;ve flirted and kissed. I am consumed by the thought of having him on the side because I have no intention of ever losing my family. What did you end up doing? Please advise.

the fact that you have written about this is a good indication that you are already struggling with a moral dilemma about your future plans here. Do you honestly believe that an affair is going to help your marriage? I think you are smarter than that, really. It sounds like what you crave is that the infatuation and newness that comes along with meeting someone and having that chemistry between the two of you. Heck, we all miss that. You may not have that again with your husband (I hate to sound negative here) but, what you have now possibly, is real. The good, bad and ugly that comes with being with someone for a while. the mystery is gone for sure but you may, as another replyer mentioned, put your time and energy into improving what you already have. just a suggestion.

whats your location I can help you out with the fling..lol mmmm

Yes, role play. Workout a little more. Get toned, hard, and hot. Drop off children at family or friends for a while. Think sexy. Then dress in lingerie and high heals, a different color hair wig, and cook diner (pretend). Suprised him. Hand him a glass of wine or his favorite spirits, and want him as you once did (hopefully). Use the flirtatious intentions you have for your new friend and displace them on to your spouse. Use that sexuality you are feeling towards him (that friend) for yourself and knock your husbands socks off. At least once. He will remember it. Play music, have fun...I think this is what are in need of, some fun.

I am having the same feelings as you are. I have been with my husband and no one else for 8 years and married1. Then I had to run into my highschool crush adn cant get him out of my mind. My husband and I have been crazy fighting since we got married and I feel thats just taken a tol on me. I need suggestions and help my self.

I would just do it to get it off your mind. it is obvious you want to have mad sex and you have needs. It is normal to want it...Have a few sessions of mad sex to get sex off you mind and put it behind you. Then go back to you husband. Having a little fun is healthly and will make you happier, if you dont have a problem with guilt.

Practice safe sex. The marry thing is over rated. Just cover your tracks.

Use a condom and have fun...