Marriage woes

I have been married for 14 years. My husband is my best friend, but I am not sexually attracted to him at all. I have no sex drive period, or at least not towards him. We have a 3 year old son - problem: sex is still important to him, but I don't even...

want it at all. I can't even stand to be touched by him - I love him dearly, but not in a sexual way. This is hurting our otherwise wonderful relationship. We don't believe in divorce, but don't know where to go from here. I love him, but am not in love with him anymore. There is no other guy in the picture to make me feel this way - I just can't force myself to perform the sex duty anymore. Help!

I'm about to be divorced. My wife is similar to you in that she has no sex drive, or at least not for me. I too dont believe divorce is the answer. I'm sorry for your predicament. Maybe if you thought about other men while...maybe not. But I just can't understand why someone would fall out of love when the relationship is otherwise wonderful unless there were something he did that wasnt so wonderful. Please let me know how it goes.

Your situation is so similar to mine. I've been married for 13 years minus the three years we separated the first time. (We separated at year 7 and got back together at year 10.) We have a daughter who is 7- and she is the main reason we decided to give it another try. We get along well as long as one subject is not brought up- SEX. I have no desire for him at all. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever was really in love with him, or just in love with the idea of being married. I'm scared to death of divorce and there's no other guy waiting for me on the other side, but I don't think I can do this anymore. As you said, I can't stand for him to touch me. It's kind of like he's my brother or something. I know that it is not normal and I guess that makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. I am so jealous of couples I see that are happy and affectionate- I want to feel that,too. I love our family, but I just can't stand the thought of living with him for the next 11 years. If anyone sends you any brilliant advice, let me know. I really don't know what to do!

You women are so enfatuated with the idea of marriage that you will do anything or anyone at the time to achieve your dream. You all can't see the forrest for the trees. Look at how selfish you all were...was there a time that sex was not imporatant to him? The chances are neither husband or wife has changed much, just the expectations. So maybe if you hadn't lied to yourself inthe beginning none of you would be in this situation.

sounds like somewhere along the way your feelings took a shift. maybe now you see your husband as the breadwinner and father to your child, all very pragmatic roles, and although you are still sharing conversations and intimacy in your relationship, there is zero passion. this is a scary place to be in, for an ideal relationship is what we all work towards and to have zero passion means building the future only on a sense of commitment and the intimacy you have all along with each other. this doesnt sound like fun at all. do you think it needs a perspective shift, to see your husband in another role (more fun and spontaneous as before)..and to enable you to do that probably you need to put in loads of effort to re-discover each other and what made you fall in love in the first place. the danger is the longer this is left status quo , the harder it is to break the mold , so start something today!

I dont have an answer but as I was reading your posts..I felt like at least here I can speak my mind without being judged too harshly. I am in my early 30s, have been married for 3 years..and in these 3 years I have had sex with my husband 10 times..each intercourse lasting 10 mins or so...I am awfully depressed. Its not the sex part so much..its just that I feel that to him this is all I deserve. He pointed his finger to me too many times ..blaming my snoring, my lack of skills in keepin the house spotless, the creaking bed, everything! We havent gone for a holiday in these 3 years..as he comes up with excuses..we have seen a counsellor..to no avail. What do I do? Guys? Is this normal?