Lying fiance

My fiance lied while looking at me right in the eyes, in the past I've
caught my boyfriend looking at porn, and I let him know from the beginning that I dont approve of that, giving him the option of still being with me or not. I caught him more than...

once and of course he said Ill never do it again. Then when I got a computer
I caught him looking at it on the computer, and again was told it wouldnt happen again. A few times there were dirty things looked up in search boxes(they would pop up when I typed in the first letter), and other sites I found, and he SWEARS he didnt do it. The the other day there were dirty pictures saved to my computer in a folder I would never look in, but he would definitely remember because it had to do with his fav video game. He got mad at me for even asking about him doing and
claimed a hacker did all of this. Then today more things came up in the search boxes, some cookies were in my recycle bin that he deleted, and when I looked at the history in the recycle bin there was a crap load of dirty stuff in there. I know when I ask him about it hes going to deny it...do you think hes telling the truth? Keep in mind, that dirty stuff only appeared on my computer when his was broken and he was using mine. How do I get him to tell me the truth?

Im 37. I married when I was 19 to a man that was addicted to porn movies and Penthouse magazine and I got so mad at him. Hed hide it and I actually divorced him over it. Looking back, it was ridiculous. It was nieve of me. I mean, he loved me but he did that before we met and I shouldnt have assumed he'd quit. Its harmless. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you. My current boyfriend watches it and so do I sometimes. Let him have his thing. Hes with you and not them right? Looking never hurts. Yes, hes going to lie to you. Hes addicted. Maybe you should learn to accept it and things will be better and maybe he will quit on his own one day?

That doesnt make it ok that he lied...maybe I would be ok with it if he would just tell the truth. I just want to know how to get the truth out of him. We're supposed to be married, but someone so immature that he still looks at porn and lies to me about...I dont know if I should commit myself to that.

um maybe you should pleasure him then he wouldnt have to...

Here is a very good website. Its long, but please take time to read it.

**http://www.everystudent.com/pdf/toxic.pdf**

Porn addiction...sex out of context
As long as it's expressed in the protective commitment of a
marriage relationship, it's wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn takes sex
outside that context.

Porn - A Big Business
It's a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn't care how. They'll
show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more.
There were 11,000 porn video titles last year verses 400 movie releases
from Hollywood last year...[and] 70,000 pornographic web sites.

Porn's Image of Sex
One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we
are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are
becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are
all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers -- people
they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn't matter whose body
I'm using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you
can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

What Sex is Really About
The problem with porn's shallow perspective is that relationships are not built
on sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire
in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts
you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really
great.

Effects of Pornography: The Lies of Porn
You can't learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn't deal in truth.
Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So, pornography will tell
whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives on lies -- lies about
sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. Let's look at some of those
lies and see just how badly they can mess up your life and attitudes.

Lie #1 - Women are less than human The women in Playboy magazine
are called bunnies, making them cute little animals or playmates,
making them a toy. Penthouse magazine calls them pets. Porn
often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. Some
pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn't show
the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with
thoughts and emotions is played down.

Lie #2 - Women are a sport Some sports magazines have a swimsuit
issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn
views sex as a game and in a game, you have to win, conquer, or
score. Men who buy into this view like to talk about scoring with
women. They start judging their manhood by how many conquests
they can make. Each woman I score with is another trophy on my
shelf, another notch in my belt to validate my masculinity.

Lie #3 - Women are property We've all seen the pictures of the slick car
with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message, Buy one,
and you get them both. Hard-core porn carries this even further. It
displays women like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as
openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that
many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a
girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that
women can be bought.

Lie #4 - A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body Less
attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales,
pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the
perfect woman. Porn doesn't care about a woman's mind or
personality, only her body.

Lie #5 - Women like rape When she says no, she means yes is a typical
porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking
at first, and then starting to like it. Porn teaches men to enjoying
hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

^^Theres 4 more!

What are the effects of pornography on a man?
What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong things keep
getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so polluted that your life
is going to have problems.
One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are
sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.

Porn Addiction: The Pull of
Porn
Not everyone who sees porn
will become addicted. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about
women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some will have some kind of
emotional opening that allows the addiction to really grab hold. The porn
companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their
product. It's great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of
addiction into several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and
acting out. For porn addicts, I've found that there is another stage that comes
first -- early exposure. Let's look at these stages:

EARLY EXPOSURE Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They
see porn when they are very young and it gets its foot in the door.
PORN ADDICTION You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part
of your life. You're hooked and can't quit.
ESCALATION You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start
using porn that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.
DESENSITIZATION You start to become numb to the images you see. Even
the most graphic porn doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate
to feel the same thrill again, but you can't find it.
ACTING OUT SEXUALLY This is the point where men make a crucial jump
and start acting out the images they have seen. Some move from the paper
and plastic images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive
ways.

The Most Important Relationship
In your search for intimacy and love, pornography is an empty substitute for real love.