Why am I still obsessed with an ex, 26 years later?

I parted from a girlfriend and got on with my life , moved changed jobs got married had kids .Now 26 years later I find myself obsessing about her and wanting to find her though I have nowhere to even start looking .She hasn't aged or changed in my mind and I feel like my life is all mapped out .What might it have been like ? How can I move on ? the pain is awful , whats that all about , after all this time ? I feel like I can't go on without her . Its putting a strain on my marriage of 23 years . Why is it bothering me now ? Is it just that I'm getting older ? I'm 49 years old . I rarely gave this old girlfriend a thought during all this time but now I feel like we really had something special . She was truely my first love . She may be gone for good , dead or not want to see me and not care . But I wish I could find her and discover what her life has been like . I'd like to apologize to her for the way I contributed to us drifting apart . She needed me then and maybe still thinks of me . Am I screwing up the present by dwelling on this ? If so how do I stop?

If you are looking for her, as a friend to a friend, then that is ok.
You must keep the fact that you are married at the forefront.
We all have people in our lives that we would like to find and see how they have been doing after all these years.
You must keep in mind that if the woman is still alive, she could be happily married with children, which is why you would need to approach your search 'as a friend'.
You would need to clean out your garden before you go playing in someone else's
anyway.

u mite hurt your wife and kidz every1 remembers there first love it is natural don't risk losing what you have now when you mite not ave anything to gain

Hi there. There's a reason why you are pondering upon the thought of your ex-girlfriend 26 years later. Here's my opinion. You're either experiencing some current issues with your wife/or within your family...and they are not completely resolved. Are you truly happy within your current relationship? What about your wife makes you happy? What are the issues that cause turmoil? Are you bored? How is your wife different from your ex-girlfriend? What was it about your relationship with your ex-girlfriend that made it so 'special'? Do you think of specific moments? You are dwelling in the past for a reason. The issue could be that you just never came to closure with your ex-girlfriend and have been harboring guilt for a LONG time. You need to find a a way to release it if the pain is so awful. Many times the issues we have do not come to affect us until later in life..years down the line. I think about ex-boyfriends I had ten years ago...and wonder about where they are or what they are doing now. I think it's only natural...but tracking them down is a different story. You definitely don't want to jeapordize your marriage. If you did track this woman down, what would you tell her? Would you just want to talk? Or would you want it to lead to more? Have you considered seeing a therapist about this? These are just some questions you should ask yourself...maybe your answers will help you to pinpoint the issue. Hope this helps. Good luck!

its nice to think about our first loves, but it doesn't mean you have to bring them back to life again... you can keep it as a nice thought from your past but do concentrate on putting your relationship with your wife back together, that is where your happiness lies... I think you're going through a few problems at home and rather than face and fix them you're hoping that the past may take you away from it all... its not a solution, I think you have a lot to lose, especially if this ex doesn't have the same ideas as you, you could end up alone and losing a good wife... think of the great times you've had with your wife, is that worth risking and giving up.???