Is it worth it?

Ok my boyfrined a I have been going thru a lot since the day I met him. We met online.and talked for about 5 months before I met him. Mind you I was single and pregnant at the time.so here it goes.when I met him he was in a 3.5 year relationship with some psycho we will call kelly that cheated on him repeatedly and treated him like crap. So he used to talk to me about it as friends we were friends for a while maybe like 8 months or so. Things were rocky in his relationship. They broke up on and off. And he had this sick fixation on her because of an anxiety problem hes dealing with.. She was his only contact. Imagine being locked in a room and in love with a cronic cheater for 3.5 years. Now moving on.he was still with her when he told me he liked me. And I told him I didnt like him back because I had a crush on someone else. And he worked really hard to charm me.. Ad eventually won me over.. Then just stopped pursing me period. It compleatly switched. I was chasing him now. He was on and off with kelly, while messing with someone who is impotant later we will call erica,francine & kendra. Now he tells me all of a sudden.. Oh I love you but im not sure im ready for a relationship just yet.. Ok understandable.. Being stuck with kelly for almost 4 years I wouldnt either.ok so hes taking a breather messing around and I agreed to stay his friend thoughout all this. Under one condition I dont want to hear you talk about other girls. Because it hurts. Yet and still he calls me like..well I like this girl and that girl blah blah so
At this point I stopped talking to him.. Stopped answering his calls.. Period.. But one day when he called I picked up.. And ignored him.. But then I called back and broke down saying.. I really want to be with you I cant just not talk to you.. Im in love with you and have never felt this way before! And he says its okay. I love you too.. At this point we began offically dating..but thats when I found out about francine.. I checked his myspace because he gave me his password. Just to reassure myself.. And then I find messages to this girl saying oh I want to marry you your so sweet.. I want kids with you. I was sooo hurt.. I hated him then. When I confronted him he said oh well she just likes me shes my nephew's friend.. Next thing I know hes kicking me out his house for her.. Telling his mother thats his girlfriend not me.. His mother hated me cause she thought I was some stupid slut.so I left him and hes telling me ok.. I'll get with you if I have sex with francine and its wack. Or oh I really like kendra.. I've known her for years.. And I've always liked her but she wont be serious with me because she has a boyfriend.. All she wants me to do is have sex with her.. And she wants to get pregant by me. Oh I accidetally let kelly give me head today. Ect..mind you we had sex maybe 2 months after meeting in person after talking for 8 months. And it was really good ..so even if I wanted nothing to do with him the sex was way too good. And he knew that. At this point in time hes dating both kelly and francie. And sexing them both. Plus kendra and erica..( a girl who he left kelly for at some point in their relationship) now im begging and pleading for him to love me the way I love him and to care how hurt I am..he tries to make me feel better but just wont be with me.. Then I wanted to die. Then my son was born october 12th 2006. He was on the phone with me durning my labor and after I gave birth. During my postpartum depression he was pretty supportive even though he didnt understand too well. So in october he was done with kelly for good but still with francine. Ot messing with kendra anymore.. I introduced him to my son and he fell in love.. He loved my son soo0o much. So I brought him with me quite often. Then in november we got together offically. That december he was done with francine. Though it took alont to get him to stop talking to her on the phone... Oh yea I actually know all of these girls thru him by the way. So I was talking to francine.. And I asked her to do me a favor. And ask him if she could come by to have sex just to see what he would say. And he said yea ok.. Knowing that I was spose to come by that same day!.. Dont know how he planned to make that work. But then I told him it was a set up and he covered by 'oh I was just messing with her.. Does she really think I would ditch you for her.. I want you to have my baby' come on now.*cough cough bs' now moving on.. Later that month he accidentally let kelly give him head. Then kicked her out.I had called during this time.. And she hung up the phone one me. I was really stressed out at home with my son and needed to talk to him and shes in the background going hey im your girlfriend whos that.. Hang up now!! And he wouldnt hang up so she did.. And I asked him about it later and he said she was threating to kill herself if he didnt agree to be her boyfriend so he did. Cause he was scared. Then he broke up with her 1 hour later and kicked her out because she tried to fight him. Ok after that he never saw her again till this day. Even though it was a hassle to get him to stop talking to her. He said he wasnt in love with her but he was still emotionally attached to her because she made it so that she was his world and he spoke to noone else.then february came around and his parents went away on vacation (hes staying with his parents cause of his anxiety problem) for 2 months.. And he had me stay in the house with him.. No heat.. So my son and I stayed in the house with him under like 5 blankets all day for the last 3 weeks of their vaca. Then after I left.. I found out later on that month that he had cheated on me earlier that month with erica. And I asked him why.. He said because I left him horny when I was on my period and couldnt have sex. And he wanted it that bad... She was the only one willing to come at his beck and call. And the halarious thing about it was.. That that girl got her period right after he stuck it in lmao thats what he gets.. A*shole.(his ex..well call her d, who I am very close with told me and then made him tell me.. She was his first.. And taugh him to be honest no matter what.. She finds is so disrespectful towards her for him to lie to females like this.) thats why I respect her... Shes real.. And she wont come by unless im there.. She respects me.. Unlike erica.. She smiled in my face.. Tried to hold my baby and then sexed my man!!! What a whor*!@## after that incident.. Maybe 3 months later he send pics that I took of his pen*s to a 14 yr old girl. Who likes him mind you hes 20 at the time. Im 16 at the time.. I found out and cursed him again. But didt leave..then I found out some other little girl like 15 years old sent him pics of her breast in a text message! Ot even 2 months later.. Then I find out hes still onlone talking to ex's.. And talking to them on the phone. Then may 2007 comes around.. And I found out I was pregnant. With out daughter and his parents let me move in the drama started.. My pregnancy was hell becuase it was so different from my son's, I was angry alll the time.. We got into countless fights I hit him repleatedly.. It was either that or I was extremly sad.. I didnt trust him at all and I really frankly didnt give a f*** what he felt or had to say after all he'd done to me. So during the pregnancy I allow him to make female friends.. Online.. Then he takes it overboard and flirts with them.. Telling one he would call from upstairs in his brothers house. Calling another one from my house phone. So I had my friend play a trick on myspace with him make a fake page and flirt. And it took maybe 5 messages before he was ready to call her and send pics. He denied having a girlfriend to everygirl he 'made friends with' because 'they wont be my friend if I have a girl' after that I banned him from all internet meeting sites. And all girls. Then in january 2008 I found out he made a myspace behind my back.. And he was writing to erica again. Then a few weeks later after the baby was born. (he attended the birth but didnt stay in the hospital with me because he of his fear of heights combined with anxiety.. I was on the 8th floor) I found pictures of her booty... Pants and pantied pulled down on his computer.. And in the background was a hoodie I had gotten for xmas...just the month before. He tried to lie and say it was alooonnng time ago but there was my proof the hoodie.. Hes caught up yet again. Stupid a*shole. I tried to fight him literally and feircly.. I wanted to kill him.. Seriously. Then I was ready to leave.. He pleaded me not to.. And I wasnt having it.. I didnt care for anything he had to say..I was ready to take the kids and leave..but he held me down I was already tired from fighting him. I couldnt push him off me. And he said it happened because I didnt listen to how he felt when I was pregnant.. So he wanted to hurt me.. He was going to have sex with her but instead just too pics of her booty.. Cause he felt guilty.. I know this man well.. And I do know he is very in touch with his councience.. And he does very easily feel guilt.. But I still dont believe that.. Not one bit.. I also know that he is a freak.. And if a naked booty is in front of him he will f*** it.. And he told me hes the one who pulled her pants down! What am I supposed to do.. Hes been working hard to get me to trust him latley.. I appreciate that but is it worth it? I mean when things are good.. They are perfect.. Im so0o0o happy.. I love him.. But when we argure.. I hate him.. And want to leave.. Everytime. I mean the only thing he really does for me.. Is boost my confidence,handle my emotions,and teach me life lessons.. In his own way.. He doesent have a job.. I recieve welfare for my son and use it to take care of all of us while looking for a job. He doesent cook. Or clean. All he does is watch the kids part time. Whats in it for me. I mean I couldnt see myself with someone else but I could see myself alone. Im in love really deep but I wish he would just better himself if not for me at least for the kids. I mean I know his anxiety gets the best of him quite often but I try to encourage him.. Thats the only reason hes not working right now.. Hes had 2 jobs before this happened. But I've been dealing with him this way for 2 years now. Last summer while I was pregnant he got a lot better he was able to travel on the public transport and everything.. But only accompanied by me. I dont like to say it this way but now it seems like hes taken a step backwards .. Maybe its the stress of having 2 kids (hes basically the only father my son knows)(his real father was in jail and comes by willy nilly but im cutting him out cause he has no place) I dont know.. Hes tired all the time.. And says thats why he doesent clean.. But it is a lot of stress on my head.. Im the one looking for jobs and housing options.. Im supposed to be starting school next month. I need to go and get my id. My permit.. A lot of things I can't do because he needs me here with him.. I dont kow how to handle it. Im tryig so hard.. The nice weather now I try to get him to come out o the porch and get used to being outside more often. But that doesnt work I've noticed he gets panic attacks just heading to the corner store now.. His health is going down.. Hes gaining weight.. He has no energy,hes tired he doesent sleep well his skin is getting bad.. Whats the matter.. Is it me or something.. What am I supposed to do.. This is the man I agreed to marry.. I love him and don;t want to leave but I dont know how to handle this or if this is even my place to be!!!

that was all really, really long
I couldnt read it all!
but dont feel you need to be in a relationship just to boost your confidence.
you can be happy and single too
a relationship is like a partnership, both of you should trust and love each other
and not just feel like you with each other to keep yourself happy
it sounds like hes making you do all the work in this relationship
but weather you stay with him or not is your decision

you took the time to wright it so I took the time to read it, that was really long though. I know you love him... but wow. He sounds like a pretty big douchbag. one thing for sure, don't marry the guy. im sorry, but to be honest I highly doubt he's going to stay loyal to you. theres pretty much 2 types of people, the ones who cheat, and the ones who don't. with a few exceptions, but he repeatedly cheated, they are the ones who don't stop. your still young, you have the rest of your life. And you seem like a very good girl to have, any guy would be lucky. but you need to start looking aftre yourself and you kids, I know he's the father to one of them but thats no reason to live the rest of your life like that. You might have two kids but you could still find a guy who has a job, who won't cheat. When you have a kid its time to man up, and he obviously isn't doing that. im not sure what you wanted to hear when you posted this, but it seems to me like you can do better, if he's not helping you, you have to help yourself. Your younger than me, and im a f*ckin rock, but I couldn't even deal with a situation that messed up. If you think its bad now, give it a little while longer, it alway's gets worse. And humans can only take so much, everyone has their breaking point. And you don't want to reach that, because then crazy sh*t can happen. But it sounds like he's dragging you and your kids down with him. And you love him, and it might hurt like hell to leave him, but you wouldn't be the first to do so. you need to do whats best for you and your kids, and im not trying to sound like I know whats best, only you do. but from what you wrote it just seems to me like thing are only going to get much much worse. you say the only thing he does for you is boost your confidence, handle your emotions, and teach you life lessons. You are missing out on something so much more. Just because you love him isn't reason enough to stay with him. An abused wife might stay with the husband because she loves him but is it worth it, just an example. You still have so much of your life left, don't waste it being miserable and taking care of a guy who won't take care of himself, even if you do love him. my parents are divorced and still love each other, as their son I can honestly say that it was for the best. like I said, only you know whats best for you and your kids. It just angers me when I see good girls with some lazy as* cheating boyfriend when I work hard and, treat my women like gold, and I havn't even had a girlfriend in a year. Hopefully I helped, don't take my words to heart. And if you ever want to chat about it just drop me a line