Interracial dating problems

I'm a white female and have just started dating an African American man. I've never been happier, except all my friends in my typical little Midwestern hamlet seem a little miffed.

I like my friends, but I sort of knew, going into this that there would be some problems. I can't say for sure that anyone is being explicitly racist, because they haven't said anything, but the look on their faces say it all.

I haven't told my mom as yet either, since I know that she would probably explode. What can I do? I dont want to lose this guy, he is everything to me, and me to him. We've planned out our future together, I just need to know how I can confront the issue with friends and family.

Your comments are to some extent very valid. An inter-racial relationship is tough. But so is any relationship to some extent. You forget the positive pay-back that an inter-racial marriage can and often gives if it works out.

As for the genetic pool it is commonly know that it is a POSITIVE think to mix the gene pool between races. It is the exact opposite of "inbred" and it is beneficial in that sense.

To choose to not give a relationship a chance just because practicalities will make it tough, is something that you might regret later in life. It is good to recognize the challenges, but that doesn't mean you should now take on that challenge.

Good luck.

People need to get real. I mean honestly, in this day and age, objecting to any kind or even implying that interracial relationships are not cool are not thinking.

I've been around the world and seen this happening more and more, in every country: people having relationships with others that aren't from the same country / culture / heritage - it's all the same.

Now, I could repeat some rude stereo types - but those are just that, silly stereotypes that some people have, and people need to overcome their objections to what is new / different / not representative of one particular group.

It's a funny thing, the way people can act. However, enjoy your life, enjoy your relationship, and perhaps someday, every boy will learn to be happy & peaceful.

It goes like this, do your thing, girl. That's all. Who cares if you are in a midwestern hamlet or not - all that matters is that you are down with him.

Peace.

Up front: Despite all the pro comments here, I'm not going to give a positive.

There are lots of negatives to an interracial marriage. While this comment is going to be short, it could run pages. There is a lot to cover and it just isn't going to get all covered in this one post.

1. Your children will be bi-racial. That *always* makes a difference to *them*. It is something that they cannot change, but you gave them. It may well be for instance, that they will never be accepted by the parents and other relative on *either* side of the relationship. Of course, they may say 'nice'. But behind your back, they are saying something else. In some cultures, they are not so polite about it. A child of a white and a Korean for instance, is *never* accepted in the Korean culture at all.

You see, what you think and do might seem ok or whatever by you, but from your childs point of view (and the relatives) it was and is selfish. And probably born of rebellion. But that is another subject.

2. The divorce rate for non-interracial marriages is probably 50-60%. That is without the racial thing against you. Add that in and you see your odds long term are not very good. And when you do get divorced, you will have bi-racial kids. And like it or not, that nice guy of your race will probably be a lot less interested...

3. All too often, interracial relationships come about after problems with family (parents etc) and are subconciously a path to rebel against them. Perhaps caused by abuse at home.

The problem is, you will later regret the lack of closeness to relatives, especially when the kids arrive. Trust me, it will never be the same as it could have been.

4. It seems a lack of respect is common in such relationships. Speculation might be that a guy (gal) may respect the other less as they did not think their own race was suitable or good enough for their choice. High profile extreme might be for instance, O J Simpson. But I have seen the same thing at the local high school, where a black guy beat his white girlfriend to death.

It seems from my observation that many such white gals don't respect themselves much. Again, abusive childhoods?

5. And what does it mean to all the nice (and yes there are very nice) black women who are shunned by the black guys to go for a 'trophy' white gal, perhaps blond, to sport in the car around town? What of those black gals? How do they feel? Not good enough for a black man?

6. There can be some health problems inherited by the kids. They get genetic problems from *both* races. Take Asians, for instance. They are more sensitive to medical drug treatment than whites. So a child who is part Asian could be overdosed if the doctor did not know or suspect. Blacks get sicke cell anemia, which is genetic. Whites may be more susceptible to skin cancer.

I could go on and on. I have written on this subject before. But there is a lot more to the whole thing than the emotion you might feel now. Emotion can be created with just about anyone. I don't buy that as a reason to get hitched and have a kid.

I know how it feel for people to stare. I'm a black teenage female dating a white male. I'm in high school and peolpe can be so mean. This one kid came up to me and said " you do know that you're holding a white boy's hand right?" I hate it when people are racist but I love my Beau.

I have just told my father that my love is black....he refuses to talk to me. My step mother has told him he is being ridiculous. I am 43, and have decided to not let ANYTHING come between me and my happiness with this beautiful man! Be brave and let the rest go. No person has a right to make you feel uncomfortable, DO NOT let them. You love him, and he loves you...nuff said...
Hugs and best wishes!

HI im Mexican No I dont sale tacos, or what ever your thinking lol, im a pc engineer im 20 and I have been with a black female for almost two years, and I have heard rasist remarks and more, way more; for example one time we were coming from the movies one time around 1am, and we noticed to guys in bikes(black guys) and I toled her hey some spanish people live accouple houses down lets go in their yard till those guys leave, and she walked to the middle of the street smiling saying they wont do nothing, I said come on, and next think I know they were right in front of use saying to me, break your self in other words (give me your money etc, and I ignored him and I toled my girl to keep walking and I kept walking also, and he pulled out a gun, so did his friend and I toled them what you want and the point is they hit me twice in my nose broke it and almost my jaw, and about 15 black people girls and guys were in it they took about 200$ that I had and 1 hour earlier that day a mexican gangster walked up to me and said, "were you from home boy" and I said I dont gang bang and he then saw my hand around my girl and he said ohh! sorry homee I didint know your lady was here, sorry and later.

And what im trying to say is, not one Spanish person nore white has ever made a remark only peace of Sh!@ black people have and their racist F#@$Kers so if theirs a problem in interracial couples is black families mostly and even my girl say's when are daughter is born(she's now 7 months pregnant) she better not date no NI#@!, send her to mexico or something, not because she is racist but because she knows her family and her people. P.S the guy that hit me with the guy was shot in the face by some Mexicans around the hood were I live I dont know who though lol. later thanks for reading.

oh yea my family has welcomed my girl since the begining never have they said nothing execpt little things like your having little shanika(basic black names) but its all in good fun and that's all but her family not direct because she has no brothers or sisters her aunt said im calling the INS oh her dad im gona kill him and so on my dad says your girl is beautiful my mom says if you heard her ill heart you!, my sis hangs out with her and my bro is always saying hey hook me up with one of your girls and so on; advice for interracial couples would be Never flont your partner like their a price with a big booty, treat every one equal. see the problem is that when a white girl gets with a black guy the white girl tends to "act black" in most cases atleast and their families of the girl are gona freak! or white guys will they their name is leroy.

Im mexican all they way my baby girl is gona be alicia(spanish name) and my boy later Antonio, I know who I am my family know that who ever im with im not gona be different, families dont wana have famili members that change and when you get with some one different they hate that, and they look at you like your own race wasent good enuff so if they see that your not a leroy or shanika or billy etc, wanabee then theill pretty soon be kool with you, for example me im mexicano I have a bunch of names and I toled my girl I aint no leroy I dont like bisquets from kfc, and I were pants two my waste not my behind she said I dont like tacos etc, and every thing is fine with us. thanks for reading just think about what I said its true no one likes a sale out.

before I say anything, I posted here before 2 messages, mexican 20 etc, im trying to respond to this because I feel that your trying to scare some one in 2 staying away from their heart, I for one love my girl(black girl) and their is no genetic anemia that can keep me from her, now if you dont marry some one that you love with all your heart; because they might have cell anemia, only because some people in her family 50 years ago had it, come on!!! thats stupid, aids couldent keep me away from my love? interracial relation ships are ok, now if you are religious let me tell you something, God isint racist he made every one to be equal you know all brothers, he does infact mention that we should think before we inter a interracial relationship, because of the ovious reasons, but not because of medican issues, and something else is; I pay my bills, and I love my mother and my mother loves God, thus my mother loves me, my wife, my daughter simple as that, oh and the strongest thing any couple can have that favores them is their religion is your from the same religion you got it made, that helps you a lot!! in closing, I dont care is my brother isint kool with my girl(he is) I dont care if my sis isint kool with my girl(she is) al long as my mom is kool(she is) I dont give a rap's a@# what any body had to say. If your in a interracial relationship be proud that you follow your heart, not the public opinion, your a leader in a way not A COMMEN FALLOWER!!!!!!!!!!

well I think you should just forget about what your friends think and worry about what you think if they think he's weird thats their prblem and your mom she shouldn't really care as long as your happy most parents are like so just be yourself dont worry about anyone else but you and your man and people that have problems with that just tell them to get used to it because your are going to be with that man till you die

Good Luck!!!

I am a white female, dating a black male. I don't know how his parents feel. but my mom knows, and she is totaly fine with it. but I haven't told my dad and I don't think I'm going to. not for a while at least. he is racist. very. and its hard explaining the phone calls, but its worth it. yeah, there may be some medical things, but if its someone you really love, why would you give that up? and religion really does help. me and him are of the same religion, strong and true. that helps a lot. we've got it made. and I know that I will never act black. I am the whitest white girl. but I will never ever give him up. family comes first, but remember, if you love him enough to marry him, and you do, then he IS family.

HAY MINISTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why R you LAGHING AT THE TYPOS. IT SOUNDS LIKE your SAYIN THAT MEXICANS OR BLACKS OR any OTHER RACE ARE BAD SPELLERS. I THINK ITS RUDE!!!! I KNOW you CAN WRITE what EVER THE HELL you WANT HERE, BUT I MEAN COME ON. THAT IS JUST PLAIN WRONG

AND you STARS!!!! YOU DONT EVEN FREAKIN BOTHER TO WRITE DOWN THE POSITIVE THINGS OF BI-RACIALS. MY COUSIN IS HALF WHITE AND ASIAN. SHE IS AS BEAUTIFUL. SHE IS VERY SMART AS WELL. AND HER PARENTS HAVE A VERY, VERY, VERY NICE MARRIGE. THEY ARE BOTH HAPPY.ALSO THE O.J. SIMPSON THING IS BETWEEN MAN AND WIFE, NOT BLACK AND WHITE. ALSO GOD SAID WE DIDNT HAVE TO MARRY OUR SAME RACE, DID HE? AND FYI, I WOULD KNOW GOD NEVER SAID THAT WE HAVE TO MARRY THE SAME RACE, I WENT TO A CATHOLIC SCHOOL. NEXT TIME, LIST THE POSITIVES AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Stars wrote is actually very sensible. As was said, for many black men, dating a white woman is something they do as a status symbol. For many white women, dating a black man is exciting and different, and also done out of rebellion because up until recently it was a social taboo. Asian women are also starting to drift into this.

I'm not against interracial marriage, but I am against interracial dating for the wrong reasons.

if that guy likes you you can show him to your family and friends. no problom.

Family only wants one thing for each other and that is simply happiness. Your family loves you and though at first they may be bitter to the situation, they'll get over it in time and find that he's a great man to you and they'll respect what you want because they are seeing that you're happy.

you should tell them that you like him for who he is and not for what color he is

Stars has some good points, I will agree. However it's important to note that every relationship, whether interracial or not, has problems.
Just to put what Stars said in a different light, consider the following:
1. While, bi-racial children do not get to choose to be bi-racial, no unborn baby gets a say in his/her makeup. I.e. a child could be born gay and has no choice about this.
2. Divorce rates are just a statistic and if you get along with the person you're with and really love him/her then you will not become another negative statistic.
3. Relationships should be based on love - granted you are dating your significant other based on the person he/she is, then rebellion doesn't play a part in the mix.
4. In reference to health concerns, many families have past histories or genetic factors that may affect the outcome of a child's health, whether bi-racial or not.

In sum, dating becomes a personal decision that you have to make. No one should have the right to tell you who you can or cannot date, and you should not feel as though you are pressured to date a certain person based on race or anything for that matter. While it is unfortunate that people in society are not accepting of certain issues, it's important to take everything with a grain of salt and realize you can't please everyone. If you are happy, then that's all that matters because you're not hurting yourself or anyone else.

Just be upfront and honest about it. If you love him who is your mom to jude, because God doesnt mind you dating a black man so why should she?

if he means that much to you then stay with him don't let people get in your way and don't worry about what they say and if they were true friends then they would support your decision

honey if you and him are happy together then who cares what everyone thinks? and if your 'bffs' start giving you crap about it then are they really your friends? real friends would just want you to be happy.
good luck

well, I myself am a white female dating a black male going on 1 year..he loves me and I love him. My dad freaked out when he found out which I knew he would. I just couldnt break off a relationship b/c of the color of someones skin. me and my dad are still fighting about it and I know he may never except it. all I can say is love isnt ment to be easy but,if you know your happy with that person than let you and him be happy. the truth is biracial dating is not a 'issue' and it is not wrong. People make it an issue. its their problem not ours.

Whether or not your interracial marriage will face additional stress and strain than other marriages depends greatly upon your families and the community where you decide to live.

If your interracial marriage is having difficulties, don't assume that the problem is based because of your racial differences. Here are some coping strategies to help deal with issues that could be hurting your interracial marriage relationship.

Do follow what you feel and truly believe in your hearts.

Do not let what others think about your marriage worry you.

Do show mutual respect for one another and for one another's cultures. If your differences are creating problems for you, brainstorm together for some solutions.

Do keep your sense of humor alive.

Do remain realistic about your differences and about what you have in common.

Do not ignore your differences thinking that they will just go away. They won't disappear because you don't talk about them.

Do work on bringing your families together.

Do not defend your parents if they try to interfere in your marriage. Take a stand together and set boundaries.

Do help your children to understand and be proud their mixed racial identity.

Do avoid those who disapprove of your marriage. You don't deserve or need that type of negative energy in your lives.

http://www.interracialfriends.com/

I am a black male and me and my white girlfriend have been dating for a year and a half now truly and simply if you love each other and if you guys are happy then thats all that matters no any color or sterotype so just close your ears and open your heart.

umMmMm WhY CANt YAlL STAy WIt YAlL RAC3??
YALL SAY BLACK people AR3 NO GUD!!!
SO UM WHY YALL 2G3TH3R??

Wow. There are way too many people writing posts when they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. First of all, I'm a teacher. I have 5 children in my room who are bi-racial. They have no issues related to the fact that they are bi-racial. Before anyone posts anything concerning this, you might want to try to validate your point before you expect people to believe it. Second, I'm in an interracial relationship. I've had many people question it, but the most important thing is my boyfriend and I haven’t questioned it at all. Let people believe what they want. At the end of the day, I'm happy, and they are still miserable looking for more ways to complain.

I, for one, cannot believe the some of the outpouring of racism on this thread, or blatant stereotypical slurs. The above post is but one example - referring to an african american person as 'it', or 'nigs' and suggesting they would kill the baby. This sort of talk simply isn't on, it certainly has no place here on funadvice and I hope an Advisor will lock this thread before too long before any more outrageous and offensive comments get posted.

I for one believe that if anyone has a problem with people from one race marrying another, it is their problem to deal with, not yours. You cannot help who you fall in love with, and race should be the last thing to be worried about. If you don't care, in time everyone around you won't care either. Do what makes _you_ happy, not what makes everyone around you happy.

Guys, this thread is FOUR YEARS OLD. Let it die in peace...

All the more reason why it should be locked...

Hmm...If you really want to be with this guy, then be with him! If Family & Friends Love you, they should be able to accept it, remember, yyou're dating him, not everyone else. My parents are interracial, I'm half white and half black, my mother is white and my father is black, and they went through problems, But that comes with every relationship. Same with me and my fiance, he is half white and half black also, So yea People are going to talk & stare and things like that, but is it worth losing your relationship over nonsense like that? Good Luck Honey <3 Hope My advice helped =]

It's love Daddy, honest. He treats me so good.

Question:

If it is truly love, and not you favoring a particular race, why do the majority of interracial minded white girls date black guys exclusively?

Face it. You are racists. You prefer the qualities of a certain race over those of your own. Soon you will have bred the white man out of existance and you will live in a utopian free love society, completely devoid of any utterance of a white guys annoying come ons. Only, who then will play the role of narrow minded boogeyman for you to caste prejudice epitaphs upon?

Correction: it should read 'cast prejudice epithets upon?'

well, even though this thread is over five years old, people keep coming to it and posting so I will too. I actually read through all this nonsense too.

okay, well, I have a bone to pick with stars:
you can argue that bi-racial children have no chice, but think about this : a child of any color has no choice. for example: perhaps a white child wishes they were some other color because they are sick of how many whites have treated other races. perhaps they wish to be another color, to suport that color/race, because they are sick of white supremacy crap. (Im white btw)

and let me tell you Stars! two people I have a lot of love for are 'bi-racial' People. One is half black and half mex, the other is half mex, half white. oh, and I forgot one that is half black and half french.They do not feel bad about it. It means nothing when it comes to society! They could be any color and they would be just as popular, just as smart, just as sweet and kind. Of course there are advantages and disavatages. But there always is for every single race!

the guy I like is half mex and white. 'Stars' implys that because they are half and half, their life will be hard.

also, another of my friends parents are philipinno and white. no problem with that!

but, who would dissagree with the fact that there will always be problems? and do you want to know why? because people cannot accept it!

here, listen to this!:

Tiger Woods! oh what a brilliant golfer! hes black, okay , okay some people accept it easily, some grudgingly, but still, hes bomb? right!
okay here it comes: white wife ... and shes pregnant! or was, at least.
what now Tiger should be ignored because he is in love with a white woman? okay, so the people who accepted Him easily will be extremly happy that he has someone and that they can start a family and be all happy and stuff. but, those who accepted him only grudgingly or not at all will dissagree with this. they will not like it. those people need to get over themselves. what? a great golfer cant be happy with the person he loves?

and what is with the kkk? BS!
more like Krazy Killers Klub! absolute bs!

as for me, I dont know who im going to marry. my parents are slightly racist, more my dad though, but im not going to be all rebelious and just go out with another colored man just to rebel, no I will go out with him because I want to. he could be of any color as long as im happy. wether black, white, asian, mexican and anything else, including mixed peoples. the one I like and really want to be my boyfriend is half white and half mex. its my choice, I want to be happy with who im with. I want to be treated right. and I want to show the world that love prevails!

I have a sad, heartbreaking story about an interracial relationship. I am a black female, now before I start I want to point out the black-female, white male relationships are okay as long as your with the right white man that loves you for you. As im telling it I'm a 21 year old black female, I just broke with my 19 year white male boyfreind about 3 months ago. What made our relationship unique is the fact that I'm from a city and he's raised in the country. He's in the Army has never really been attracted to black girls before or ever really had any relationship expereince. I have had one or two relationships that did'nt go far but when I met him and got to know him over time, I found myself at 21 in love for the first time in my life. He started out sweet, and not sweet just as *money wise*, I could care less if he bought a lot or a little, just as long as he kept being kind to me.. He had a phone situation and stopped calling as much, but less and less.. He would start making petty comments about my hair, and asking me why wasn't it worn down more. He became rude to my mother always asking if the silverware was clean to eat with, after she embrassed him, never caring about his skin-color. This was our first Christmas together and he din't bring me anything, depsite the rolled up 20's he had in his glove compartment. On top of that he din't even wish me Merry Christmas or appologize for not buying me something, or even a singe rose. He never introduced to me his family, Christmas was the date we set for me to meet them. He had gradually turned bitter on his own. He felt that I was not good enough to take around his family because Im black.. He felt I wasnt worth calling or bringing a gift to because im black; had he had a white girlfreind he'd be with her every step of the way. I broke up with him of course and just as I figured, it din't bother him much. When he was confronted over having issues with my race, he denied it.. But I know that's what it was, because even though he's still single ever woman he is trying to talk to is white, their all white.. He acts as if I never existed and we were dating for 6 months.. He dint bother to tell me that my skin color wasn't good enough when we used to have sex.. He never bothered to tell me that it wasnt good enough when he was always saying 'I love you'. I kind of feel left in the dark on this one, because I realize he was never going to be true to me, he was using me for sex. It's scary how your heart can open to the wrong person and your left not knowing where you stand as far as ever finding a real person with good intentions. He masked his dirty motives very well, and I'll never, I mean never fall for anyone as less they've said I do.. Im serious... I'm a hard working student, I din't have time for that. What gives him the right to look down on me? It deeply hurts like a knife in my heart, but it dosen't reflect the way I feel about myself, it only teaches me to be more selective and to really look at people, before you open your heart to them...

*Key is, just because it's interracial dosen't mean it's true love

I have a sad, heartbreaking story about an interracial relationship. I am a black female, now before I start I want to point out the black-female, white male relationships are okay as long as your with the right white man that loves you for you. As im telling it I'm a 21 year old black female, I just broke with my 19 year white male boyfreind about 3 months ago. What made our relationship unique is the fact that I'm from a city and he's raised in the country. He's in the Army has never really been attracted to black girls before or ever really had any relationship expereince. I have had one or two relationships that did'nt go far but when I met him and got to know him over time, I found myself at 21 in love for the first time in my life. He started out sweet, and not sweet just as *money wise*, I could care less if he bought a lot or a little, just as long as he kept being kind to me.. He had a phone situation and stopped calling as much, but less and less.. He would start making petty comments about my hair, and asking me why wasn't it worn down more. He became rude to my mother always asking if the silverware was clean to eat with, after she embrassed him, never caring about his skin-color. This was our first Christmas together and he din't bring me anything, depsite the rolled up 20's he had in his glove compartment. On top of that he din't even wish me Merry Christmas or appologize for not buying me something, or even a singe rose. He never introduced to me his family, Christmas was the date we set for me to meet them. He had gradually turned bitter on his own. He felt that I was not good enough to take around his family because Im black.. He felt I wasnt worth calling or bringing a gift to because im black; had he had a white girlfreind he'd be with her every step of the way. I broke up with him of course and just as I figured, it din't bother him much. When he was confronted over having issues with my race, he denied it.. But I know that's what it was, because even though he's still single ever woman he is trying to talk to is white, their all white.. He acts as if I never existed and we were dating for 6 months.. He dint bother to tell me that my skin color wasn't good enough when we used to have sex.. He never bothered to tell me that it wasnt good enough when he was always saying 'I love you'. I kind of feel left in the dark on this one, because I realize he was never going to be true to me, he was using me for sex. It's scary how your heart can open to the wrong person and your left not knowing where you stand as far as ever finding a real person with good intentions. He masked his dirty motives very well, and I'll never, I mean never fall for anyone as less they've said I do.. Im serious... I'm a hard working student, I din't have time for that. What gives him the right to look down on me? It deeply hurts like a knife in my heart, but it dosen't reflect the way I feel about myself, it only teaches me to be more selective and to really look at people, before you open your heart to them...

*Key is, just because it's interracial dosen't mean it's true love

interracial is a beautiful thing. bi-racial children seem to have a great grade of hair, seriously, one girl I know her hair is nappy like blacks, but long like white, so its long and wavy, its so awesome.

I know they are your friends and all but f**k them if they cant except that you with a black man. If they were you real friends they would look pass his skin color it should just be that they are happy because you are happy. So, really you need to set them straight!

I am a Native American and have some white in me. And my family doesnt have a problem with blacks but they dont believe in interracial relationships either. My boyfriend is half white half black but mostly black. My friends dont care so they were no problem. But my family on the other hand.. shitt.. my ma flipped. But I explained to her that relationships are a part of life. && it shouldnt matter the race you are as long as there is love. explain that if the whole world went dark, wed all be the same color. =]

F*c* Themm, You Love Him, He Loves You. No Matter What Happens Don't Break Up With Your Guy Just because Other People Consider It 'Weird' Or Whatever. ITs You Guys What Matter, thats Is.

Good Luck. =D

good for you! you are helping your town move forward. if you don't want to be a pioneer, just move to CA or NY or Toronto, or London, or The Sudan, Sau Palo or...you see where I am going with this. Much of the world is mixed, so don't worry. If you love the man and HE TREATS YOU RIGHT go make mixed babies. a few more generations, and people who aren't mixed will be the minority. and when you have happy, progressive, mixed kids, use MIXED CHICKS hair products on them(http://www.mixedchicks.net). good luck