Insecurities, jealousies---relationship !

I first met my boyfriend through my cousin. My cousin was dating his brother at that time. my cousin, her boyfriend (my boyfriends brother), and him brought me to some house... Well at that time we were just friends. He brought us over to a house and...

introduced us to the girl that lived there as just his friend. The girl there was just his friend but I found out later that that was his girlfriend at that time... That same night he broke up with her. Then he would talk to me on the phone after that... He told me he really liked me, found me attractive and what not. But one night my cousin had a barbeque at her house but I couldn't attend it. the guy I was supposedly talking to went with his brother and there was a girl there that went and I knew her. later that night he got real drunk and I found out that he did some Things with that girl I knew...I didn't think of it as anything back then.One night he asked if I would be his..and I told him I didn't know because he had a girl. but he told me he wasnt with her anymore, he broke up with her because the love isn't there from the beginning...So I gave it a chance the day after..because I did find him attractive. for the first couple of months we were real good...actually we're on 3 years now. Every now and then I bring up about how he could introduce the girl to me as just his friend when that was his girlfriend at that time. he told me a couple of times that he did it because it didn't matter to him...he didn't like her and didn't love her at all...sometimes I go too overboard and ask over and over again because it does hurt me. I tell him im afrraid that he would do the same to me. but he would always tell me why would I do that. you're the person I've been with the longest. I always see u. I come to pick you up after work everyday. I've been with you for 3 years and I love you so why would you think that. then I would bring up about him telling me he liked me from the beginning but yet he did some things with the girl when he was drunk. he told me thats nothing. I was drunk. I didn't know. and that b*tch doesnt mean sh*t to me. if I could go back into time I wouldn't have done it. plus its not as bad as what you did to me what he meant there was because when we were going out we went to a party together we drank and what not...then I had to go to the bathroom but there was a line so I waited. this guy came right next to me and told me he was realy drunk and came and hugged me...right when he hugged me my boyfriend walked in and saw it happening so he thought I was cheating on him! I didn't even ask for the hug he did it on his own and when he hugged me I tried to get him away but it was hard when he was putting dead weight on me! so thats what he says as bad...he didn't hear my side of the story about that. But what he was trying to say what that what he did was when we weren't together...and what happened with me and that other guy was during our relationship...the fact is: he told me he liked me but yet he did that with the other girl thats why I get scared and jealous about that.

and for another...I get reallyyy scared about him looking at other girls. I hate when he does it. I always tell him over and over that if he knows theres girls around I dont want him looking their way. he tells me its not like he's checking them out. he is just looking around. like last night we went to a graduation for his cousin and there were girls all over. he grabbed my hand and held it but I still had that heart breaking feeling of him looking at girls. I was staring at his eyes while his eyes were looking a different direction. when I tried to sense where his eyes were I thought he was looking at some girls across him. but I didn't make a scene about it there. when we got home I brought it up to him and he told me that I need to stop being a little child, stop being immature. then I told him that I was watching his every eye motion and it was just staring at the girls ways the whole entire time. he said he was looking that way but he wasn't looking at those girls. he didn't even know there were girls there. I kept pushing him and kept asking him until he told me that he did look but it never happened! Then later he told me its kind of hard to not look because theres girls all around then I told him see so you knew there were girls..then he said your being so silly stop being a kid!

I dont know what to do...sometimes I sense him looking at other girls even though he might be holding my hand or my purse I still feel like he does it. I always bring it up to him. I always ask him if you know theres girls around dont look their way because you know that hurts me he always tells me he knows and that he doesn't do that. but whenever theres girls around I feel as if he is looking. and whenever I bring it up to him he just tells me to stop being so childish and that what im arguing about is stupid..

I see this guy everyday of my life. we sleep together at night then he takes me home early in the morning so I could help my parents at home. then later that day he picks me up after work. on the weekends I see him everytime. when im with him theres no girls calling him. there is no girls saved on his phone too. but still I get scared of him looking at girls.. I think I feel this way because when he first met me he liked me but he had a girlfriend. I feel that if he goes out without me one time and he sees another girl he might just like her and act as if he doesnt have a girlfriend just like what he did with his exgirlfriend before.

oh and one more thing. in his past...(Again) BUT this one is big. before when I didn't even know him he was dating this girl in the mainland. supposedly he didn't want to have *sex with her but she forced him to. she took off her pants and took his out without his permission or anything. and she just went on top him and did her thing because she wanted it. then I guess whatever happened BUT she was pregnant. he found out when he came down to live after. he wasnt there for her labor he wasn't there practically teh whole time she was pregnant and he doesn't do anything dealing with that baby because he says he doesn't care about it. the baby mommy doesn't even try to get in touch with him or anything so im guessing she can manage on her own. but it hurts because we talk about having kids one day...and sometimes I bring it up to him and tell him so when we do have kids its unfair because that will be my first kid while that will be your second kid he always tells me nope. that will be my first kid. I will treat that baby very well ill be there for you every step of the way ill take care of the baby. the other kid with that other girl is nothing to me. its not like I even liked her. shes the one that wanted to have sex shes the one that wanted the baby. I dont have anythign dealing with that baby or that girl. its you that I love its you that I want to have babies with someday and I will treat the baby right even though he tells me these things he still hurts knowing that he had a kid with someone else. it hurts to know that in the back of my mind if we do have kids one day it will be his second while it will be my first. even if he says our baby together for him will be his first I will still have that feeling and knowledge that it is his second child...

I mean I really love this person. hes 26 and im 20. kind of abig difference but age is just a number!! I love him and I love spending time with him..the only time I get really insecure and jealous is if I feel like hes looking at other girls...and sometimes when I feel down I bring up his past and about his exgirlfriends and about him fooling around wiht some girl when he told me he liked me even though we werent going out. what should I do?

he is right, it is a childish thing to argue about, I understand your point but its just part of being a man I think, theyll mostly always look at other girls, try not to let it bother you he clearly loves you. and forget about his past, he seems genuine to me. :]