In love with a abuser....

Ok if you have read my last entries thanks you will know how I am feeling abit. But I've also been in this relationship for over 7 months now with my boyfriend who I adore so much. I feel like im going crazy inside sometimes. I sware there is such a strong connection between us if not why cant I leave him. I know I shouldnt be treated this way but cant hep but want to be with him still. I remember when we first go together in love so happy like every relationship I guess. Anyway I also remember the first time he physically hurt me grabbed me by the throat I could hardly breath its like he just turned from someone so sweet into someone so evil. So many times he has hit me, grabbed me by the throat, pushed me, threw things at me, the worst was when he pushed me on the ground and kicked me in the back when I was down hurting so much. I couldnt belive it. I love him so much but I know this is wrong. I dont think he means to be this way and hurt me but why does he do it for? its like he puts the blame onto me and says it my fault that he hurt me, so many bruises I have got from him and I remmeber once he seems a bad bruise on my arm and asked me how I got it. I've noticed I've had bad headaches since being with him, lumps over my head and a lot of soreness. Like he totally forgot. Or the night he was drunk (he very rarley drinks) and and bit my face and busted my lip, and another he grabbed my hand and bit my finger and still have a faint scar. oh my god I cant believe what im writing its terrible why am I still with him. I know what you are going to say to get away from him but I cant its like I want to be with him still.. He hasnt hurt me in over a week which is a good sign. But im scarred of when he will hurt me next. No one knows of this but my friend who once called my mum and told her and I said I was overacting about it all. Whats wrong with me ?????? im such a jelous person aswell its like I never want him to be with another woman ever. Sorry that this is long. ANd I remember sometimes after we have had a huge fight he like tries to get me to have sex with him. one night I didnt want to and he I told him that it was hurting so much and he said to me "just take it" he had been drinking that nigh aswell. I felt like I was being raped by my own boyfriend, someone im suppose to trust. After the abuse slowed dow I was cheating on him for a while thinking I had feelings for another man, I was seeing this other man for over 2 months but I realised no I didnt like him its really my boyfriend that I love. I dont understand how he changes so quickly becomes so abusive. I know if he were to find out if I had cheated on him he hurt me so badly im so scarred I love him well I think I do....... has anyone ever been I this postiion please...

Ok sweety I dont know you but I know a lil <I dont know if you believe in GOD but you NEED to pray and ask gGOD to take you out of that situation,Im telling you thats the only way.I canT stress it as much as I want to.Just pray and ask GOD for all you need to ask him for.IM not there with you I canT resue you but im telling you GOD will.jUST GIVE IT A TRY.GO TO THE NEAREST CHURCH.(pentecostal) and ask them to pray for you.please plase please....

PLEASE PLEASE PRAY.GOD IS THE ONLY ANSWER NO ONE CAN HELP YOU BUT GOD,I CANT STRESS THIS THE WAY I WANT TO.JUST TALK TO GOD. TALK TO HIM LIKE HIS IN FRONT OF YOU.START WITH DEAR GOD,I...........
PLEASE PRAY .JUST GIVE IT A TRY.I REALLY WANT YOU TO BE SAFE EVEN THO I DONT KNOW YOU.GO TO A NEAR NY CHURCH AND ASK THEM TO PRAY FOR YOU.pLEASE.(RATHER PENTECOSTAL)

Thank you so much, I will try that. Thanks again. Gina Lee

I really don't know you. But it seems to me that you don't need this kind of guy. But talk to god. It is the best way. Don't do this to yourself. You do need to get out of this. If you don't get away from him. You wouldn't be safe. He would keep hurting you more and more. Seems like he needs some help. Don't need to deal with this. Seems to me you don't love him. But you don't need to feel worse. Get out of the relationship before it gets much more bad. Stay away from him!!!

ok. so you probably dont need anymore advice because you posted almost a month ago.. but I came across your questions and found it .. so.. damn.. similar to my past relationship with my ex girlfriend. her name was gina lee, I know freaky. I actually thought you were her saying all those things, it was breaking my heart. and I swear that once or if you do break things off with your "love" then he will be devestated. I was, still sorta am.
I dont know what I am trying to say just that. every single thing you said happened to me. and I feel I could help because im the "boyfriend" in this so if you still need help with anything just ask. im more then willing. you opened my eyes. -joe

I kinda know what you are feeling. You love this guy so much that it hurts you to see you without him. You feel that if you leave him he will go looking for you. You feel that the person you fell in love with is inside of him but when he drinks and gets mad, he is a different person. He thinks that if you leave him you never loved him.