Im having trouble meeting guys...(after reading this, please don't feel sorry for me!! there's not reason to ) )

since I was born, I carry this muscle desease that gets worse about every year(muscular dystrophy). I didn't know I had this until I was in middle school because it didn't look like I had anything. it became pretty obvious that there was something wrong with me by the end of 5th grade because I kept running hella slow and got tired really quick from doing P.E. and going on field trips. I hated P.E. because I would remember guys making fun of me, pointing fingers at me and stuff like that. girls did make fun of me behind my back spreading rumors and hiding my lunch boxes and stuff but the guys were worse because they use to trip me and take up all the seats on the rug when it came to story time. I got along with adults more then those kids in my class. I had tuns of adult friends who use to tell me that I was too mature and that I should just try to be a kid. ( I still don't know what that meant ).
in middle school, I found out what I had and I became real depressed. I almost failed all my classes and got picked on even more such as spitting in my face, calling names in my face, etc. etc. ( those were guys by the way )
Oh but in 6th grade, this one ugly ass jerk asked me out by filling my locker full of roses and sent 2 big pink balloons to one of my math classes. I was so embarrased, happy but also felt confused. I immediately said, "nah. im sorry but I can't go out with you. but thanks for everything you gave me." and glad I didn't go out with him because he later ended up picking on me too because at that time he asked me out, he didn't know I had this desease. and distinctly said," oh sick im so glad I didn't go with her,oh man! I didn't know she was crippled! shiet! " right behind me so that I can hear. I wasso shocked, I couldn't say anything.
when I got into 7th grade, I met 2 girls that became my BEST friends. they would back me up when I got picked on since they had a reputation at school for beating up guys. after I met them, they introduced me to so many other girls that the guys just stopped messing with me. it was all good for a while untill I got into the end of 8th grade.
at the end of 8th grade I had to go have a surgury done to correct my spine since my muscles were too weak to support them. I missed about 3 and 1/2 months of my first year in high school. when I went back to school, I couldn't walk straight, I was wobbling side to side like a chicken! agh! ( and still do ) I lost so many "friends" including one of my BEST friends. My other friend kept in touch with me and supported me. all the other girls just simply started to ignore me. one girl even told me not to talk to her because I embarrass her!! I was like agh! biatch! and still kept talking to her, just to bother her (ehehe). Then all of em' started to have boyfriends and sissy stuff like that and I was left behind~~
2 guys asked me out like in sophmore year but I turned them down (yes, nicely, and politely) because the first guy was all dirty and stinky and sweat a lot. the 2nd guy seemed like he had turbuculosis and just couldn't stop shaking. he also stalked me for a couple of weeks after I turned him down. The only thing he asked me was, " could you be my friend? " and I said," oh yea sure " and then all of a sudden he just grabbed my hand the next day and shouted, " I, I love you" and I was so embarrased and shocked I flung his hand away from me and wobbled to my next class. day after day he waited in front of my class and followed me out untill finally he said he wanted to talk to me. I immediatly said, " no I don't want to talk to you! if you like me, then you would understand my feelings. " even after I said that, he still followed me!! I was so scared but then one day, he just stopped. I was so relieved.
by the time I got to be a junior, girls and guys started to change... they both started to talk to me and was all nice to me too. some guys/girls even apologized for how they acted in middle school and stuff. so I guess that was nice of them. they even introduced me to cute looking guys but I always found flaws in them. they say that the reason I can't go out with anyone is because deep inside im still afraid of them. I don't know why I can't say yes. I know that I get all scared and nervous around them but I don't know how to deal with this feeling. egh.

Well, you learned first hand that children can be cruel.

When you have a problem that everyone knows about, the young tend to be overtly cruel, and the older ones tend to stare through you like you dont exist, or try to have a fake politeness.

I'm glad that you are growing up and people are beginning to treat you nicer.

It is going to be hard to find the right person, but love is funny like that... it does not respect what the outer person looks like, true love respects what is inside of you, and one day your true love will come.

Work hard and try to make the rest of your future count.