Why is my boyfriend acting this way?

I need help from a guy, to help me understand why my boyfriend is acting the way he is. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months. He was in Baghdad Iraq. He is in the army (Infantry) and is deployed in Iraq. He came home for his 18 day leave...

last wednesday. The first day he got in, he called me first, and I met him at the hotel and we spend the night together, then hung out the next day at the hotel together, with my son, and bout 5 of his friends came over, one of my friends came over too. While my friend was there before his friends got there, everything was good, I was paying attention to him and he was paying attention to me. Then his friends got there and he couldnt stop talking to them. They just talked for 3 hrs, he hardly talked to me, hugged me or held me like he normally does. So, My friend and I just sat on the bed and talked across the room, My boyfriend would look over at me and smile, but then go back to talking to his friends. They got really drunk that night, and I felt like I didnt belong there. Then, The next day, He went to tell his parents that he was home, so he went to their house to suprise him. The plan was that he was going to stay with me at my house while he was here, but ever since hes told his parents he was there, he has stayed over there almost every night. He always tells me when I call him to see what hes doing, that he was tired, and wanted rest, so he was just going to chill at his parents house that night. Well that has went on for a week, with me feeling completely bummed, blown off and hurt. I really love him and I want everything to work out, he says he wants to marry me, but I am confused on what to do, because everything is just going wrong through my eyes. I want him to spend time with me, He hasnt spent one night with me in a week, and I just want a little one on one time. When he comes over to my house to hang out, its always a bout 2 hrs after he says he is going to come by. When we hang out its never us alone, there is always people with us, his friends, were never alone hanging out together, just us. How are we going to start a life with eachother if I never get any one on one time. The Night before yesterday I called him, and he said he wasnt going to hang out that night that he had some things to do, I said alright but he promised me that the night after **which was last night** he would come over to my new house and stay the night with me, since he hasnt even seen the new house yet. Well, Last night, about 6 or 7pm he finally got over to my house. Only, to have one friend of his with him, and he asked me if I wanted to go Drink at hooters with him and some of his friends. I said yes because I want any chance I can get to spend with him before he goes back to Iraq. Well, I thought we would go to Hooters and drink with his friends and then do what he wad planned, go to my new house after so I can show him the house and then crash out there, and spend a night together just by ourselves. Well, I guess his idea of the night was different. We went to hooters, and we were drinking, then him and his friends was talking about where we were going afterwards, They wanted to go to his friends house, he asked if I wanted to go and I said sure, because its more time with him.. Well, when we were leaving hooters to go to his friends house, I asked him if we were staying the night at the new house, and he said oh not tonight, not if we dont have to, well that kinda bummed me out, and I got really quiet, he never asked me what was wrong, although I know I could tell he knew something was wrong with me. Well, we went to his friends house, he drank a lil more, and I was cuddling with him, but its like he didnt want me to hug him or hold him when he was around his friends, and it seemed as if he was paying more attention to them over me. Im not a jealous person but this is just getting to me, well I was sitting on the bed and him and his friends started talking. I overheard them talk about **last night** which was the night before last, when he said he had to do something and then I found out then, that he was actually over at his friends house without me. So, I dont know if he didnt want me around him or what bc his friends lives 3 houses down from me, and he knew I was home. So, they kept drinking, I got bored and left, then he stopped by today to bring me my purse that I left in his car, and he told me that he was going to go home take a shower, and go to sleep and he would call me later, well it was 7:30pm before I ever got ahold of him, and he said that since he was with me last night, he was going to hang out with his dad and rent a couple movies and watch them with him, although I doubt it was his dad that he was going to watch movies with. I dont know he seems to blow me off non stop and im sick of it, and one last thing. We are supposed to be getting married in a few months, so when he came home for his 18 day leave, he has met my uncle, mom, grandma, sister and her boyfriend. I havent met nor talked to any of his family members not even his brother. Why dont he want me to meet him, I dont understand I want him to meet everyone in my family, because If I am planning on marry him I want him to meet my family, get to know them as well as me, and to like them and have them like him in return. Its just a lot of things that are going on now, that was perfect the first couple days he was at the hotel. What do I do about all this?? I need some help, hopefully from a guy who will understand this matter. Thanks a lot ~*Kayla*~

I'm sorry but thats just way to long. Try to make it short and sweet or else you probley aren't going to get any serious replies.

he just wants to hang out with his buddies. stop being so jealous, he's been in iraq, he doesn't get to drink and party too often. give him some time to just catch up with friends. if you want one on one time then you have to sit him down and ask for it, you can't just keep whining and complaining and getting angry when he's ignoring you. he probably doesn't even know what the heck is wrong with you because you don't tell him what you're feeling, and he's just looking at you like some big fat party pooper. have a good talk with him and tell him how you feel, and once he's done hanging with the buddies I'm sure he'll put aside all the time in the world for you.

I'm not a guy, but its not hard to see that he has pretty much lost interest in you. Why are you rushing into marriage so quickly? I mean you've only been dating for 3 months. Thats hardly enough time to really get to know someone, especially when hes away 1/2 the time. Maybe things might have been different, if you were dating for a long period of time BEFORE he actually left to join the army. He really hasnt had enough time to get attached to you being hes so far away, and doesnt see you.

I know this isnt what you wanted to hear, but thats what it looks like from everything you've said.

hi miss Kayla, Sorry you are experiancing this heartache, but from my point of view and experiance, you should'nt marry this person. You don't know him well enough and maybe he is avoiding you because he wants to relax. You said you have a son, maybe he isn't ready for that either and feels like he has to play dad when he is with you, which, considering his actions is not a positive vibe. How old are you guys? you seem to be very young and inexperianced with relationships by the way your story sounds...no offense. wait, get to know someone first, sorry to be so straight forward, but you need to know someone for a long time and know all their in's- and outs before gettin hitched. otherwise...you are going to end up just like the statistics and in an even biger mess than you currently find yourself in. . ...I know that 100% I am a proud supporter of our troups and appreciate the hard hours they put in to each life risking day, but personaly, I need someone to be their for me everyday. I would never marry a military guy. Besides not to pre-judge him, but statistics show that most military men are not the most faithful men. I don't know...I am so sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way, I just want you to feel happy, and find the love you deserve. You need a man who will show you that you are his priority. Hes not going to marry you. His vibe is not positive the slightest. He is avoiding communication and prolonging the heartbreaking news also. Thats just what I think. I will write your story though...you get married, I will give it 6 years tops! then divorce and what will you of gained from the experiance? maybe a couple more kids, damaged feelings, broken hearts, and a broken family. Think about this. good luck. feel free to funmail me if you like, I am all ears. Again, Kayla, I hope I have not demolished your feelings! But what others see from the outsisde is never too far off. I admire your courage to question and ask for advice. Especially from a place like this because at least you get straight up honestly.Let me know sister! thinking about you, Sincerly, Gina---

I'm a little confused, it sounds like you dated 3 months, he left for Iraq, and now he's back and your getting married, or is he about to leave. The advice I have for you is to stop thinking about marriage it's clear that the relationship is not at that point. Just be in a relationship, the whole marriage thing is putting conditions and expectations on a fairly new relationship.

I get the whole military relationship thing, my fiance is a marine currently in Iraq on his second tour and it's a hard lifestyle, and by the way I know plenty of military men that are faithful, but it takes a lot of communication and a strong relationship. There can't be any questions of how you feel for each other.

If you guys were ready for marriage you would be sitting right next to him on the couch watching the movie with him and his dad, and you wouldn't have to write the message you did. Slow down, talk to him and see what he wants. Maybe he wants to take it slower, maybe he's just not right for you. But you have to ask him to find out, no one here can answer that for you.

I have been in the same situation as you and you have to remember that he will feel very alone while he is on tour and it takes a while for him to get used to normal social contact. I thought my boyfriend hated me when he got back from his 7 month tour in iraq and we even split up for a bit because of this...but I stood by him as a friend and once he'd sorted his head out we got back together and everything is going great! you really need to just be there for him and let him do what he wants to do. dont moan at him, it'll make it worse!

I thnk what you need to do is just give him a little time alone or with his friends to kind of refocus. I know it doesn't make sense that he isn't showing you all of the attention in the world right now especially since you've been apart for so long, but it goes back to the basic principle of absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give it some time and if things haven't changed, make him sit down with you alone to have a serious conversation with you. Guys are weird in that if you say just one thing that sounds too serious or scares them a little they can immediately change how they're acting. He might be getting nervous about getting married so soon. The best thing might be to just take things slow, and get to know each other better. But if after awhile your boyfriend can't be the way you want him too, and doesn't show you the attention you deserve, you need to move on no matter how hard it is. There are plenty of fish in the sea.