I'm jealous of my boyfriend's relationship with his ex wife

My boyfriend and I have been constantly fighting for the past 6 months about his relationship with his ex wife. They remain very close friends and I am very jealous of it. I don't think I have anything to worry about, but they were together for 13 years...

and have a kid together. We moved in together about 7 months ago, and now that we've been fighting a lot, he has asked me to move out. We both love each other very much, but want to try something different. His ex and son live about 4 hours away. He gets to see his son every other weekend and now he's been driving down every Wednesday night to spend time with him and then he comes back and that is where are biggest problems have started. I want to continue a relationship with him, but don't know if I can get past his past. We love each other very much and that's why he wants to try something different to see if we can get our relationship back to the way it used to be. My question is, should I continue to see him even though the problems are still going to be there or should I just move on. We've been together for 2 years. And it hasn't been easy. The only thing holding us together is our love for one another. HELP PLEASE

Sorry girl it must be hard on you......the thing is they spen 13 years together and have a son although there marriage was a failure the've spent allot of memories together and were eachothers best friends for that long....if you start thinking that he has feelings for her again love then best just step out the way...you can't expect him to shut out his child for you and probabley don't. it's a very hard situation that you're in and best play it by ear....but they are 4 hours away from eachother so it's not like he's gonna sneak out to cheat on you.

let it be, don't stress to much about it, cause it's causing allot of preasure on your relationship...

let me know
Sean

Sorry. I'm in a somewhat similar situation...for a similar amount of time. If you are single, just cut your losses and leave. Move on and date someone single. You can never compete with a child and the ex-wife will always be around. AND WHY WHY WHY would you take a step forward and move in together, and then take a step backward by moving out...and STILL stay in the relationship? I know how hard it is to accept and deal with a partner who has a kid and an ex-wife. It's like you have to deal with them all and date them all. Ditch them. Leave and date someone new and single. SINGLE SINGLE! Maybe it might be nice to be the priority for once, right? Trust me.

It is not woth staying in a relationship where you fight a lot. His exwife will be in the picture for a long time to since they share a child together. See if you can find someplace else to stay, and try working it out.

If you are truly in love with him - DON'T GIVE UP. I am going through the same thing, except I am the one who has the great friendship with my ex-husband. We, too have an 8-year-old daughter together. So we will be talking and communicating for a long time to come. But THAT'S ALL IT IS - FRIENDS COMMUNICATING FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILD. We married for the wrong reasons and have never really be in love. I love my ex like family, like a brother. I understand how very hard this is for you, but as Sean said above, try not to stress too much about it - easier said than done because my boyfriend is just so distraught over this and we are in our mid 40's. I've called him insecure, immature and whatever else, but that's really not fair. He is struggling with this. I've decided that while I can't give up or compromise the friendship I have with my ex, I can try to make my boyfriend feel more secure and at ease. That's where my struggle starts - trying to get him to open up a little more and tell me what bothers him the most about the relationship I have with my ex. I'm more than willing to compromise in an effort to help him get over these insecurities (instead of demanding that he grow up and get over it). Some people just can't do it. They know they shouldn't feel threatened or jealous, but they just don't like the way the interaction with ex makes them feel. Just slow down and don't move back in with him. If he has given you no signs of wanting to get back with her, you should be able to get over this insecurity. Your boyfriend IS SINGLE. There are very few people out there now who have never been married at least once before! Remember, security is being at peace with one's self identity. I hope the you (and my boyfriend) can overcome this. Best to you!

Lynne

I am also in somewhat the same situation. My boyfriend's ex wife got pregnant by another man while he was deployed in Iraq. They have two children together and were married for 5 years. They got married young and according to him, they had a bad marriage: she was emotionally abusive towards him and he would stay behind to watch the kids while she goes out and parties. My issue is, she acts like she still has a firm grasp of his testicles and it appalls me because he doesn't put his foot down. He is afraid that she is capable of doing anything with all of her might for him not to be able to see the kids anymore (she has full custody, so he's being screwed $1600/mo). Then she claims she doesn't work, yet she has this business she had established and has the price list on her website for the services she provides. Then she would call him and ask for marital advice from my boyfriend and there he goes entertaining him. He states that he doesn't want HER current marriage to fail so she won't bother her. Yet, I made it a point to him that her current husband would feel more insecure once he finds out that SHE is talking to HIM (my boyfriend) for marital advice while her current husband knows how he got HER. She has been married 3 times before and she's barely 26y/o. I made it a point that his good guy appeal towards his ex is hurting our relationship. I am okay with him talking to her when it pertains the kids, but I can't just sit there and look stupid while he's on the phone with her. People would tell me you're young, no kids, never been married, and smart woman, why not find someone single with no baggage? You see, he's not a bad man. He's just in this bad situation. Yet, I don't know if I'm ready to become a stepmom to a 5 and 2 year old. I love him, but only him. I've dated doctors, attorneys, engineers, etc. who are single men and yet things didn't work out because they are too controlling and put me down. With him, I really feel loved by this man. But I don't know if I could be in this situation for the rest of his life, the kids' lives, and HER life. I just wish the situation is different. I really love this man. Thank you so much for letting me vent. I've kept it in for so long.

All I can say is wow.
I am the ex-wife trying to look for sites for me. My ex-husband found someone 17 years younger which is his choice but my problem is the jealous girlfriend! As a mother you have to call them when something is up with your child. I do not and will not ever want to be with him but the fact is there is a child involved! His now fiancee is a sweet girl and is very kind to my daughter and that is all I can ask for. The problem I have is that she is disrespectful to me! When I drop off my daughter she has to come down the stairs with him and when he drops her off at my house she has to be by his side. I always am kind and say goodbye to all of them. I am so happy he found someone he gets along with. WE married quickly and got married way to quick without knowing each other well enough. We agreed to divorce for our daughters well being and because we fought all the time but when it came to our daughter we can communicate well.
So, for those that are worried about the communication between ex's, it is only for the kids. At least in my situation. If you can not see that the ex will always be there, at the graduations of the kids, school functions ext. then you should leave.
I let my ex-husband girlfriend pick up our daughter from school, she comes to our daughters school functions and I go out of my way to introduce her to the other parents so it will help feel more comfortable. She is engaged to my ex and if she can not except the fact that he will have to talk to me then she needs to move on.
I do my best to not contact him on his weekends or nights but the only time I do is after dinner to say good night to my daughter. We don't even speak except to discuss any changes in the picking up or dropping off.
She continues to disrespect me by not looking at me or responding to me when I say hi or goodbye. And only when my 7 year old said something to me in regards of why is tina not talking to you? did I make a stink about it to my ex. If you are coming into a relationship with someone who has an ex and especially kids you better think of how you act effects the kids. They pick it up. Everything. They sense it. For my daughter I work on continuing to understand my ex's girlfriend. She is young21 and has insecurities. I am 38 and as a woman you know when we were young we were not the smartest either.
If you are not ready to be step mom then move on because I know as a mother if my ex's girlfriend did anything to harm my child there would be a big problem. Let me make this clear that Tina has come to my daughters school for celebrations when my ex couldn't be there but our daughter wanted tina there too. I said yes because it is important to my daughter and her well been.
If all parties can not be grown ups and can not see that the kids do come first! Even when your married and there are no ex's the kids come first.
Being a single mother is the hardest but I would rather be a single parent and get along with my ex regarding the kids then fight all the time.
As Lynn said earlier: THAT'S ALL IT IS - FRIENDS COMMUNICATING FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILD.
So the new girlfriend or new boyfriend need to put themselves in the kids place and you may have some empathy of the kids and understand why ex's work on communicating- FOR THE KIDS WELL BEING!

I totally agree that, if you have never been in this situation you have no idea what it's like and should never offer an opinion. In my situation I am the girlfriend and I live with my boyfriend and have for the last nine years. He has two young children from a former marriage that he has custody of so they live with us. When the relationship fist stated the ex was hardly ever around and hardly ever saw the children. As she got older she realized she wanted to spend more time with the children and I think that is wonderful because the children wanted a realtionship with their mother. It is my belif that the children always come first no matter if I gave birth to them or not. The problem fist started with the two of them fighting all the time and that put a strain on the whole family. Then they would be friends which is good for the kids but she seemed to get to close like she thought she had to boundries. When she got along with her live in boyfriend she would fight and cause problems with her ex-husband, when she was fighting with her boyfriend then she would be friends with her ex and it seemed she would always be around and never give us any privicy. This is not her fault I blame my boyfriend he just won't put his foot down and this has caused problems in are realtionship. I have tried the friend thing with his ex-wife and things went ok for a while then she would get werid again and that would go out the door and I just don't trust her she always seems to have an agenda and to be honest I am tired of always being the bigger person even though I still try to be. I have to be here I love the children like they are my own I have had the them since they were 2 and 4 and they are now 11 and 13 and my boyfriend weather it's right or not I love him and can't imangine life with out him. This is never easy situation you have to decide weather your not going to give up and make things work or move on. I am in it for the long haul.

I didn't know if I should post a new subject. My situation is quite similar. Just lucky for me there are no children just a dog. I love my boyfriend and his way of always want to help and take care of problems. But he is always doing things for his ex-wife! Winter he snow plows her drive, He gone running over to her house to let the dog out so she didn't have to leave a local carnival. I asked him to quit, that if she wanted him for these things she should not have screw him over with his sister husband. I want away this past weekend. When I came back he let it slip that he went with her and paid for the cataract surgery. This is for the dog she took with her in the devoice His reasoning is the he bought the dog and she couldn't afford it. despite the fact for the past six months he has been complaining about in this economy he is going to lose his business and about how broke he is paying her 600 a week alimony!

OK I AM KINDA IN THE SAME BOAT AS you I RECENTLY (JANUARY) LEFT MY WIFE OF 5 YEARS AND 3.5 YEAR OLD SON BECAUSE THINGS WEREN'T WORKING OUT BETWEEN US AND WE WERE BOTH UNHAPPY IN THE RELATIONSHIP. SO MY NEW GIRLFRIEND OF ABOUT A MONTH IS GIVING ME PROBLEMS BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SPEND TIME WITH MY SON SHE THINKS I'M IGNORING HER OR TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH THE EX. ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS SPEND TIME WITH MY CHILD AND THAT'S PROB WHAT YOUR MAN IS DOING TOO. SIT DOWN AND TALK TO HIM AND ASK IF IT'S DEF OVER AND HE WANTS SOMETHING NEW WITH U, IF HE'S LIVING WITH YOU I'M SURE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. LOOK IN HIS EYES THAT'S WHERE THE REAL ANSWER WILL COME FROM. BUT TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO LEAVE your LIFE BEHIND EVEN THOUGH YOUR MORE HAPPY WITH SOMEBODY ELSE AND DON'T WANT THE OLD RELATIONSHIP BACK BUT YOU STILL FEEL OBLIGATED TO BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD. I don't know IF THAT HELPS AT ALL BUT THAT'S MY 2 CENTS OF THIS SO I HOPE IT DOES.

lonelyfamilyguy,
Thanks for your response. I'm currently dating a man who has 2 children from 2 different women. The first woman is married and has other children. The 2nd woman is single and they share a 9 year old son together. She does know about me, however sometimes I do feel insecure since whenever we're having problems, he's gone to her, whether its to just hang out or just for someone to talk to. The real problem is, is that he doesn't want us to meet. So, whenever they have birthday parties, gatherings, he doesn't invite me along, claiming that she does not want to meet the new girl. I have to admit that sometimes I do get jealous when she just sends him random text messages or when they talk about their lives (they're both teachers)and are able to relate on that level. I can't help sometimes from getting jealous, when they can connect in that way. He swears they're just friends and he keeps things pleasant for the child and he'd never get back together w/ her. I just feel so insecure sometimes, especially when he tells me he's hanging out w/ the kids and doesn't invite me along. I can't help but feel left out, or a little jealous.

You cant rtip on that you have no real right. if he is not sleeping with her and you have no proff of any wrong doing it should be a good thing that you dont have to endure his baby momma drama... you are feeling the wrong emotion real talk.