I'm afraid i'm losing my husband

Hello, I am desperate to get advice how to save my marriage. I've been married for 4 years now, but I've been with my husband for 15 years, and we have 5 kids together ages from 12, 9, 8, 6, 3. three girls and two boys. We moved in together before we got...

married to a new house and we've been living together for 8 years now. He's always had a trust issue with me because I cheated on him about 9 years ago, and and I told him at the time and we did ended up resolving the issue at the time. And I've apologize to him so many times, and I've paid my dues for it, and I've regreted it everyday of my life. It was the biggest mistake I've made and I've told him that. Ever since I've been married to him and lived with him for 8 years, I have been faithful to him since. But he took a job 4 months ago that is almost two hours drive away from us and it is graveyard/12 hour shift/7 days a week! And maybe gets sunday off like every two weeks. I didn't like it so much cause we did not have any quality time with each other anymore. So, about 3 weeks ago, he started to accuse me of cheating on him, and he said he doesn't know what I'm doing every night. I was shock to hear that because I was not cheating on him whatsoever. It was just really weird because everything was fine and he seemed happy before all of this happened. He told me he does not want to trust me anymore. And this broke my heart because I've been faithful to him and we have 5 kids together. I told him why are you doing this now after 8 years. My world flip upside down on me in one night. And then he kept bringing up the past how I cheated on him, and why did I do it. But we talked about this years ago, and he told me at the time he forgived me. And he told me hes been feeling unhappy all this time, and that he needed time off away from me. He said he needed some space and hes really angry. I told him we can work this out together, but he just kept telling me he does not want to trust me anymore that he doesn't care what I do now. So 2 weeks ago he left me and our kids and he is staying at his friends house by his work. I am afraid that I'm going to lose him. I don't know what to do. He calls our kids on the phone everyday to say hello and he said he will visit them every sunday but he will leave again after that. My kids are getting affected by this and I've told him that too, but it seems like it does not bother him. I've been trying so hard to be strong for my kids but I feel like I can't go on. I want him back home with me. And it frustrates me to think that are marriage is falling apart for something I have not done wrong. And he doesnt believe me at all. I have not talked to him on the phone because he wanted hes time off/space to himself so I gave him that time, but now I'm thinking how long will this last? He wont talk to me to talk about the problem his having. It seems like he put a shield of wall in front of him and I can't get through to him. I've been missing him all this time and my kids are not liking the situation, they were so close to him, and now that he will only visit once a week is just really sad. I even told him why did he even marry me? Why didn't he told me this before we got married? why did he wait 8 years down the road and after I had two more kids with him. I don't understand. I am desperate to save our marriage. All this time I've been happy with him and now I'm falling apart to pieces. I feel like I can't go on, but every morning I have to force myself to get up for the sake of my children. I can't sleep at night anymore, I have loss my appetite to eat, I am basically beating myself up for this, and I know I shouldn't but it's so hard to know that the one you love is giving up on the relationship and I don't want to give up. He is my life. he is my world. He is the air I breathe everyday, He's my mayo on my sandwich. He's my everything. I told him that I love him with all my heart and that I would not make the same mistake again, because I want him to be happy, I want us to be happy. But it just can't get through him. Please, if anyone out there that can give me any advice how to save my marriage, please let me know. Gladly appreciate it, Thank you.

You've raised the right question - why after all this time is he bringing it up?

In my experience, people will often try to take the high road when they've done something wrong. I hate to say this, but has it crossed your mind that he may be cheating? It seems that he has a guilty conscience and is using your mistake to justify himself. By making you look like the guilty party, he can escape detection.

I know it's hard to let go of someone who has shared such a big part of your life, but he doesn't seem willing to work this out. He's using your past as an excuse to escape.

Right now, you need to try and surround yourself with people who love you and are willing to help carry you through this difficult time, because I'm sorry to say, it doesn't sound as though he wants to work things out.

I am so sorry your going through this heart ache. I to am going through the same thing. It's been 8 months for me, and only now do I feel stronger. I made the mistake by calling, texting, emailing anything else I could think of doing to keep in contact with him. I was desperate and played the victim. As hard as it is, you will have to find a way to give him time space. It is harder for you because you have children that need to see there father. The wanting to be with him will be overwhelming at times. Fight with all your might not to contact him in any way. Show him your strength and independence. Show him the person he first fell in love with. Try to focus on your children and anything else that can keep your mind occupied. Make sure you take care of yourself by eating healthy and thinking positive. Be as normal as possible towards him when he comes to see the children. This will get him curious on why you are handling things so well and eventually he MAY make contact with you and want to talk. If he does want to communicate with you regarding your relationship, then try to really listen to his concerns and fears without judging. Be compassionate and understanding. Hopefully this will open up the communication gap between you and give you the opportunity to express your own feeling and fears. Do your utmost to be patient and give him the space and time that he is needing to rationalize his way of thinking. I wish you and your family all the best and hope everything turns out the way you would like it to. Take care. BK

Sorry to say it, but you cheated. Now you know how badly he felt when you went with some other man. You made your bed, you lay in it. WHy should he trust you? A cheater is always a cheater...in his mind if you did it once, you'll do it again. he felt dicarded, thrown aside and his feelings did not matter when you layed down with another man...so why should he consider your feelings? When you cheat on someone, no matter how many times you apologize, no matter how many times you say you will do it again, the trust is gone, it will never be back. Your best bet is to leave him alone and let him work out his own thoughts. And if he's cheatingon you..well...how does it feel?

My only response is to the selfrighteous person who says that this is all her fault because she cheated 9 years ago. She did make her bed, and then she fessed up and prepared for the consequences. After 9 years and two children, if this individual is still holding a grudge then the destruction if the family that he helped create is on his head.