I can't believe i hit my wife...

I am 30 years old and recently married. I have lived with my wife for 2 years and though we have had problems, mostly stemming from money, I thought we had a good thing. I got into the relationship 2 weeks after she gave birth and now we live as a...

family.

Last night, my wife was yelling atme for something I didn't do, and accusing me of something horrible and I became enraged and grabbed her throat. I let go of her immediately and repeatedly apologized. I have never done anything like that before. I never before believed I could bring myself to do something like that.

I slept on the floor and today when my wife came home from work, she took our 2 year old and left. She didn't tell me where she was going. I am so afraid that I have lost my family. The whole day today in work I saw her face and the fear I instilled in my wife and I was almost physically sick.

I called several therapists today, but basically my question is...what do I do? How do I control this anger that I must have and more importantly, howdo you regain the trust? I am upset at losing my family and frightened that I could do what I did. Anyone out there who has any insight, I want to hear it.

Start by one thing at a time. First hand, I think you are doing the right thing by calling a therapist and setting up a meeting asap. You are doing the right thing by facing your anger and trying to learn to deal with it. You need to think about how to deal with your emotions first and how to avoid this ever to happen again be it with your wife or someone else. Start by investing in yourself and understanding what happened as well as why you reacted so violently. Obviously, you should avoid these type of confrontations with your wife and I think you should let her be for the moment. She needs time to digest what happened and maybe think about her own actions. Give yourself a bit of time to calm down and both your heads to clear. She might not be able to get over what you have done but if she sees you are taking steps to getting a handle on things, she might understand and forgive you. She also needs to understand that yelling at people and accusing them of hurtful things can bring out the worst in even the gentlest being. Though this is no excuse for loosing your patience in a violent manner, it might help you to know that everyone has a breaking point and everyone needs to learn to talk through problems without getting hot-headed and mean. If you do have another argument, leave as soon as you start feeling anger. There is no point in trying to fix a problem when both people are angry and not listening. Sometimes just a ten minute break from an intense conversation, like a walk around the block, helps clear the head and brings down the tension. You will need to talk this through with your wife eventualy and see if the broken pieces can be mended, but, for now, the most important is that you face your fears and found out how to overcome them.

Well, do not blame yorself too much. It happens that women provoke a rage by unfair accusation, then leave.

I am a woman and i do understand both sides and why she left, Stress can do funny things to people at the best of times and most stress is about money as it is with most familys, From what i have readed you love your wife very much and you are hurtting by what you did in anger, I would say she left not because she doen;t love you, she was in stock as you would know and with most mum the first thing is to look after the kids and keep them saft. When you see someone for help let it out all of it and face your fears and only you know what they are and how deep they go. Time will mend things if you let it. Do let your wife know you are getting help and to find out why it happpend and ask her when the time comes if she could help you and go to some of the meetting together. It will take time for her to trust you again but if you both work at it that trust will come, I hope this helps you and all the best

hi i understand were your wife is coming from,i had to kick my husband out,becaue he never changed,i well be praying for you that you work things out with your wife,my husband use to always say he would get help,but he never did,so my trust never came back,if you want that trust,please go talk to someone about your anger,thats the only way she well trust you.your friend,adriana

YOU ARE SO DAME STUPIED DONT YOU EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMEN AGAIN but just com down it will be ok when you get angry like that go outside by yourself and take a walk or just yell real loud to let your anger out just don't ever touch a women like that because you can end up really hurting her bad don't do that then she is scared of you because she is scared you are going to hurt her again and she id going to end upi in the hospital don't do that

My husband has hit me and I know my dad hit my mom and I have seen my brother beat his wife. I think there is really nothing to do now youve done it just when you get mad just walk away and go sit at a park or something and cool off then call and see if shes cooled down too. My husband just leaves or goes on a walk. Just rember how you felt after hitting her and you may never do it again

I recently hit my girlfriend in anger and I'm so far paying the dearest price i've paid for anything emotionally speaking. Though I maintain that the woman was crazy and abusive in more than one way, the point i want to get at is that you'll never find peace in your heart unless you confront yourself on your own violence. Sometimes having gone to a place you never thought you'd go is the best way to find your way back. It sounds like you love her for real and going to a therapist or counselor is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. You might also consider inviting her to therapy after a few initial sessions. As long as you can admit you've done wrong and your wife can appreciate your repentance you should both be ok. On the other hand, if you think she's somehow not a reasonable and rational person, and you think that you can't handle that, my advice to you would be to turn around and find a way to not live with her. Best to you.

I hate to admit this but I also stupidly hit my wife in a fit of rage. I spoke with a counselor and his advice was to move out for a time. I didn’t do that and thought that if I just walked away when things started going bad that I would keep myself in check and it would not happen again. I was wrong again. She started in on me with accusations that were clearly not true and after an hour of fighting I mistakenly tried to prove my point and that is when everything went wrong again. She went after me and I responded in kind. It was the dumbest thing I have ever done and now the damage is so severe that nothing but a divorce is going to settle it.
I am now going to a new counselor for my own anger issues as I now know that even when I knew that hitting her was wrong and I felt so bad afterwards I was still able to go there a second time and if I don’t fix myself now I could do it again with someone else.

Thanks for your honesty about your situation. It's good that you realise you need help and you're willing to engage in therapy. However, my advice is that you should be very careful about what advice you're getting. Not every advice is helpful. Anyone can tell you that you shouldn't hit your wife or anyone else for that matter. However, trying to deal with and understand your emotions and anger is not a simple matter and anyone who tells you otherwise is leading you up the garden path. Therapy is definitely a start to becoming self-aware, aware of your own emotions and how you deal with them.Group therapy and anger management can be helpful in recognising that you're not alone or the only person in the world who strikes out in anger. The worst thing you can do is think that you can get through this without help and work on yourself. Otherwise, even worst things can happen. You're fortunate that you have the opportunity to sort things out now.

hey man I had this problem too. I hit my wife and Its not like I ever want to I guess I just lose my temper like you and I'm trying to look for help to, because I hurt her 5 times already but I thought that I would never do it again, but this shows me that I have a problem and It needs to stop, she fears that I will kill her one day and sometimes she wished that I did one day so she wouldn't have to fear and feel my pain I keep putting her through, yeah I believe the best thing to do is to cool off, the problem is that she follows me pushes me and pushes me not physically but emotionally. I believe this is what makes me snap, then I just completely see blur, I don't even look at her face and I just keep beating her, punching her and kicking her like shes some one I'm physically fighting. Its sad It makes me want to kill myself for what I have done to her, I can't understand why she won't leave , she says that she loves me, and I love her so much even with are problems, I just want this to stop I just have to figure this out, I'm shameful of what I've done, and I can't lay a hand on her again, I hope that I could take away all the blood shed and bruises I've left on her, I really need help.

hey man I had this problem too. I hit my wife and Its not like I ever want to I guess I just lose my temper like you and I'm trying to look for help to, because I hurt her 5 times already but I thought that I would never do it again, but this shows me that I have a problem and It needs to stop, she fears that I will kill her one day and sometimes she wished that I did one day so she wouldn't have to fear and feel my pain I keep putting her through, yeah I believe the best thing to do is to cool off, the problem is that she follows me pushes me and pushes me not physically but emotionally. I believe this is what makes me snap, then I just completely see blur, I don't even look at her face and I just keep beating her, punching her and kicking her like shes some one I'm physically fighting. Its sad It makes me want to kill myself for what I have done to her, I can't understand why she won't leave , she says that she loves me, and I love her so much even with are problems, I just want this to stop I just have to figure this out, I'm shameful of what I've done, and I can't lay a hand on her again, I hope that I could take away all the blood shed and bruises I've left on her, I really need help.

I too have slapped my wife in a fit of rage a few times when she stretches my patience which I don't lose very easily. I have 2 kids and am married since 8 years now. I have no affairs or anything going and I love my kids very much.
I want to end our marriage but my wife doesn't want to end it and she has flatly refused to even discuss divorce. It's been more than 2 years now since I have even touched her but I am continuing this marriage for the sake of my kids. My health, work and even kids are suffering due to these things but my wife won't take a decision.
Infact, I'm worried that if I force the divorce proceedings then she can even threaten to bring in false cases like torture and abuse, dowry,etc and put me behind bars. There is nothing a man can do in india if these charges are made by women. So I am destined to live like this for god knows how long. Mabbe god is punishing me for my past and present sins.

YOU SHOULD NEVER HARM ANY WOMAN! ESPECIALLY YOUR WIFE!!! but you have to realize somethign like that won't be forgiven easily and you made that mistake. Give it awhile apologize and ask her to go to a therapist with you. Or you can go to a therapist yoursself and ask the therapist to call your wife and tell her how you feel. that works most of the time!

well if you can contact her then comntact her and appolfize and get sum help lol
x

I hit my wife but she is crazy. she never lets me leave when clearly the situation has gotten out of hand. I will do stuff like go to the bathroom and lock the door and she will unlock it and come in STILL trying to argue with me even tho I keep telling her lets come back to it later . Then when I try to go 4 a walk before it gets out of hand she stands in front of the door and won't let me out even tho I tell her I will be back just need some time to clear my thoughts. she'll hide the car keys and such also. I try to call the police to excort me out so I can get away; but then she will unplug the phone. I don't want to hit her again but I feel attacked and I have no other choice but to do what I don't want to do, and that is hitting her. I'm starting to feel like I don't love her. I think she manipulates me in a way for me to hit her in order to get an upper hand. I know I have problems but I cant be all bad as she treats me, she treated me horrible WAY before I ever hit her. What should I do ?

Once you cross those boundaries you can never go back. It gets easier after the fist time. Once a cheat, always. Once an abuser, always.

The last response is silly. Elliotmcc it sounds very similar to my situation. Except my wife will wake up my 1 year old son and because of this he doesn't get any sleep. Sometimes he is sick but my wife gets so out of control she is not satisfied until I lose my control. I try to leave but she will not let that happen. I have no issues regarding violence in my childhood therefore I know hitting any women is wrong especially my wife. I have also tried to get out of the marriage, however I do not want my son to come from a broken home. Since the first time I hit my wife I have not ben able to sleep and I am unable to think about anything else. I feel when it happens I am only trying to protect my son. I get so angry at my wife because I can not believe she puts herself before my son and his health. Lately my son has been sick, I have to drive him around in the early hours of the morning just to help him relax and sleep. Then when I get home my wife will start. Last night she started about the air conditioner being on and a door being left open. She managed to yell and scream about this for 4 hours straight whilst keeping our son awake and crying before I snapped. I do not care what she does to me but I see red when it effects my son. She also begs me to beat her during her crazy episodes , I think she does this because it helps play down her actions and puts more focus on mine. There is A SAYING MISERY LOVES HAPPINESS. I know my wife is going through a hard time, due to her coming from another country and now living in Australia. I have to find another way of dealing with the problem but I feel I am only human and everyone has there breaking point, mine is usually pretty good but my wife can go on for hour after hour without taking a breath and the words that come from her mouth are like a knife going through my heart sometimes. I am trying to justify my actions. I know I am wrong totally. I am going to a therapist tomorrow morning because of this and other issues unrelated to this. All I want is to live a calm and happy life I do not provoke the situations I just wish life was simpilar

Man, I have done this also. I had the kindest most honest woman alive, I put my hands on her and she forgave me, but I didn't really try to improve, now I have paid the price for it. I'm in therapy now but it's too late to get my relationship back. I'm just glad that I'm able to get my anger under control now. Jamar Streeter.

I am in a similar situation my girlfriend seems to thrive on the conflict,,she has a history of depression,she will be almost overly affectionate then at any instant become extremely abusivem,the things that come out of her mouth cant bare repeating many times when in full flight she starts hitting,pulling knives ,threatning,I know I use excessive force to subdue her and when I lose my composure because she does seem to be concerned that it is affecting our 4 yr old son I honestly want to throw her out a window ,she always says she is sorry but I am discusted by my violence in response to her provocation and the severe damage it is having on our son the pattern seems to be in-escapable