I am so pi**ed and scared and annoyed help!!

Ok well when I was lil I was molested by my grandfather and I was at my aunts house this weekend and a conversation about my molestation happened to come up now some times that happens and it's NEVER EVER bothered me till now my aunt told my mom that...

some one told her that when I was like 3 he was giving me a bath and I was pretty much influencing him to touch me she said I was telling him to do it Now I don't remember EVER saying that or him ever giving me a bath to top that of but any ways when she said that it really upset me I felt dirty and like a sl*t and I felt unsafe and I started to shake and cry not loud enough for her or any one for that matter to hear me but after she went to bed though I just started balling my eyes out and I cried for 3 hours or more I'm still shaking for that matter all so do to the fact I am cold but still and I keep crying a lil all so but any ways it's really up setting me and to top it all off I just found out that my mother was molested by him I new she was molested but I never new by who and now that I do know I blame her what kinda f*cking mother let's her child stay with the man who molested her and my mother wasn't even going to press charges against him she was just going to leave it but the doctor made her press charges after finding out that I was molested now I really want to know if I did that and if I did I blame that all so on my mother for telling me about sex at a young age my aunt all so said that she had a feeling I was molested when I was like one and a half and last time I new it all happened when I was 4 I don't know I am scared now I feel so bad and if it's not bad enough that all this is happening but my father I haven't seen in 3 year's cause I am a low income family and both of my parents have mental and physical problems so nether of them can work and apparently if the father doesn't have a job he can't live with the family and if hes not living there he has to pay child support and my dad can't do any of that hes to sick and all my family is gone I have no family living in the same town as me my mom don't have a car my sister's a b*tch when ever I try and do some thing right I f*ck up I have no friend's I explode my self to men I love sex I have wrong sexual thought's of people I shouldn't I am all ways getting physically or mentally hurt and I am ready to just kill my self I know this was long but thank you any one who read's it means allot I have one last thing to say though I am tired of all this crap has any one tried hypnotherapy and if so does it work and do you know if Medicaid cover's it cause I this it would be the best bet for me

Okay this is a serious problem here and leaving a solution until later could cause you more harm. I would STRONGLY recommend consulting a social worker (they're affordable and very understanding). You need to get these things of your chest and see a professional. Some of this seems like you're having suppressed memories coming back and hurting you and if you can access any money, seeing a psychologist/ psychiatrist might also be a good move.

You did not incite your grandfather to touch you. If he touched your mother too, do you think your mother asked for it too? No! Your grandfather is quite obviously a bad person and he will be punished for his actions. Your aunt was most likely just making excuses for him and you should not listen to what she's saying here. This is not to mention that you were only 3 and that even if you had asked for it, he has NO RIGHT to do it (you're too young to understand/ consent to such things).

You have done nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel ashamed of. You were too young to defend yourself and your perverted grandfather took advantage of that. Be strong and you'll get through this. There is nothing wrong with having sex or anything, but you must be at a legal/ responsible age. I'm not sure how old you are...

Just believe in yourself and seek help. If you're strong you can help yourself to become even stronger and get through all of these thoughts that are bothering you. Don't give in!

wow, um, ok? I think you need a sycyatrist.

P.S. I am in therapy

I'm 17 and I know he had no right but I was one sexy lil kid lol it was wrong of me to have asked if I did and I know he did it to her and others but I mean still I could have done it in interest of wondering what sex was and yea I know she was and it was really up setting me

so yea

...

Sweetie, you did nothing wrong. Your grandfather was a sick bastard and he is the one who was wrong not you. You were a victim and did nothing to bring that upon yourself. Your mother is at fault for letting him watch you. I am so sorry this happened but do not let it define who you are. You can be stronger then your mother. Get out there and succeed and find love, true love and make yourself happy. Don't let the horrors of life overcome you. You are a strong beautiful person who got something she defintely did not deserve. There are so many shitty people in this world but don't let them define you. Only you can do that and if you ever need anyone to talk to just message me. Please be strong.

thanks I will defiantly make sure to message you

Hopefully the therapy is working for you. Like me and crazyforhim22 said, you did nothing wrong. It was NOT wrong of you to ask. When we're little we say all kinds of things. We are all a product of our upbringing. If a school-girl asks a teacher to touch her, that does not give him the right to do it. Your grandfather was a disturbed man and he violated you. The only person in the wrong was him!

Your mother should never have left you with someone who was capable of such things, but at the same time you can't be too harsh here considering she does have a disability (mental issue did you say)? Good luck and we all hope therapy goes well for you !

yes but it still gave her no right she new what he was capable of shes a f*cking retard for leaving me with him

I couldn't agree more, but you must remember that if your mother is mentally ill, such mistakes can be made, as odd as it may sound. Your grandfather is the immediate focus and it could have been his abuse that contributed to your mother's issue(s). Just remember not to be hateful, because this can actually be counterproductive. The only person who deserves your discontent is your grandfather. Hopefully he will be punished for his actions. Good luck lovebug16 !

hes in jail but I don't care I still blame her I know shes retarded but I mean really she can't be that dumb to not think about that

But she can... Mental disorders cause lapses in concentration like this. You must understand that your mother cannot always make informed decisions and so you should not blame her as such. Your grandfather is the one who abused you and took advantage of your trust and of your mother's. He is in the wrong and it is a good think that he got the justice he deserved. People who take advantage of children and then blame them (that just make things even more intolerable) are disgusting and hopefully his actions will not have any long-term (from now) impacts on you or your well-being...

I am still pissed at my mother Idc I know shes smart enough to know I could have been in danger she may not be smart but shes not that dumb

I can't say I know your mother's condition, but don't be too judgemental. Focus on yourself and getting your life back together. Hatred and any similar emotions get in your way, so don't let it get to you. Think of your future and getting back on track and things will be a lot easier for you !

back my life has never been together

I'm sorry to hear that. That doesn't mean it can't be changed. Keep your chin up and don't let these issues get you down .