How to break up with my boyfriend?

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I just dont want to be with him anymore. he has no job, no degree, no car, no money. he never wants to do anything, and if we do go out, I pay for stuff. I also met someone else a few weeks ago (I havent...

cheated, I want to break up w/him first.) but I just cant find it in me to do this. his dad just died, he doesnt really have any family, and his life basically sucks besides the fact that he has me there for him. how can I not feel horrible about doing this to him?? I know hes a good person and I love him to death but I cant do this anymore. help please!!??

You'll have to explain to him why you want to break up with him and do it in a way that you don't sound mean. If you really love him and can't break up with him, try going to a relationship counselor to try to fix your relationship.

Dear sugarx64,
This is a real dilemma and I don't think right now is the greatest time to leave with his father just passing. I suggest that you do use his father passing as a way to communicate to him that life can be short and that you need to make the best of it now. This is the time also for ultimatums; give him a time frame such as 3 months to have a job. Then 3 months after to get his own transportation to and from work etc. Don't forget you let him sponge off of you for 4 years and you have got his accustom to this life style. It really isn't fair to change the rules so quickly and right now. But take 6 months to get him to make these changes. I suggest he finds another place to live during this time though if possible. This way he will get the message that you are serious. Anyone who allows this to happen for 4 years would be hard to take seriously. You in essence have allowed him to be this way and in turn you have created this life for yourself. So until you are serious why should he be. Only when he believes you mean business will he step up to the plate.
Sue...good luck

Sue90's advice would be the most compassionate and responsible thing to do. However, you sound very impatient. It seems like you have tried to get him to do something before. If this isn't true and you have let him get away with this awful behavior and sponge off you without any warnings, it would be cruel to throw him out in the cold... If I were in your shoes, I would cut him off swiftly and quickly. Tell him exactly what you wrote. (no job, no car, no money, no ambition- no longer my problem... see ya!) Don't show any emotion. Just be done with him.