How do i stay positive?

I really can't stay positive when im by myself. I feel like its all my fault that my mom left me. Yes I mean left not dead. And I dont wana tell my school councler because she is just ugh a horrible one. She said she was going to check up on me but thats...

a lie. And I dont wana say dad I feel depressed can I get a councler. And I dont wana tell my dad because he is more of a person I joke with then someone I can lean on. And I dont wana tell my friends because I dont like talking about sad stuff. And the thing is I dont think my mom is going to come back. I dont know anything right now. I dont know if shes alive or dead but yea. And my mom is mentally ill so my dad might say its better that shes out of my life but its not. I dont know if shes in jail again. And on christmas and my birthday I didn't get any card saying hi or anything. And dont tell me to forget her because I love her shes my mom I could never hate her.

There's a lot of stuff you're trying to deal with here... and they're both really big deals, I'd say. One - the mystery of where your mother is, and why/how she left. Two, you miss her. And on top of all that, you're wondering if you did something to cause her leaving.

Your dad, once you open up and start talking, may surprise you. You dont say how old but I'd expect you're growing into an adult. Talk to your dad. Try to open up more to your friends, and put away the veneer of laughter and fun for a while... and try and find out where she is, from anyone who knows her. even her counselor.

Your mom is always your mom, as you say, and you will gradually accept that she can't be everything to you that you might have wanted in a mom, because many of us have that situation and we've somehow turned out ok.

I hope you can do something to make yourself feel a bit better. First wouild be to find out what happened to her. Even if she's in a hospital and mentally ill, she would still love to see you, wouldn't she?