My mom started dating this guy after she and my father got a divorce, and they have been dating for about 2 years now. At first he (Louis) was really nice to me, my mom was happy, and all was well. However, about 6 months ago, things began to change.
My mother started leaving directly after work to go hang out with Louis, and they would be gone for about 4 or 5 hours, sometimes more. At first it was only once in a while, now it is every day. We barely talk. I am at home by myself all day. All I have for company is my cat and the dog. All my mother says to me is "we're leaving" and then when they get back she will occasionaly say "goodnight" to me.
Louis also started making comments that were indirectly towards me. Like I turned off the air conditioner to plug something else up (electrical current is crappy there) and he just so happened to say "IT SURE IS HOT IN HERE." Acting like I didnt know he was directing it toward me. He wakes my mom up in the middle of the night if I am up at 2 or 3 p.m. alone in my room reading. If he sees the light on, he will wake my mom up, tell her that I'm up and she gets on to me for it.
Recently Louis cussed at me about how the cat shouldnt be on the furniture because he sheds. This upset me a lot because I have no control over what the cat does when I am out of the room. I left my mother's house that night and stayed at a friends house for 2 weeks. During that time, my mother kicked Louis out only to tell him he could come back if he apologized to me. and now the cat is not allowed inside anymore. I tried to talk to my mom about it but she just wants him outside now because Jeff hates cats. I have had this cat for over 4 years and he normally just goes outside for a couple of hours and comes in to eat, sleep, and hang out there.
My mom just does everything he says and is never around, when I try to get her to talk about this she accuses me of not wanting her to be happy. I told her that I miss her being around and she says I am not a child anymore, I dont need her around that much.
I am also sick of putting up with their cuddling and kissing on the couch. Also I will be sitting on the couch in the living room and they will leave to go to their room. I can hear them having sex because the door is right beside the couch and the bedroom is adjacent to the living room. I brought this up to my mom, saying that it was a little innapropriate when she knows I am in the living room. she gets mad, saying that im an adult, that stuff shouldnt bother me. Am I crazy or is something wrong here???
Sounds like she IS being fairly selfish. Changing everything around like that, I mean. I think it's bad enough in my home, where I have to deal with being the eldest. generally in terms that any kind of reprimand I get is on steroids when compared to my siblings, and things that my parents don't give a second glance at with them, I get picked on constantly for. However, this has been the routine for years now. If they were to suddenly, say, start saying that I can't be dating anymore, or garbage like that, I would move out. Why? Because they were letting my younger sister drive at 16, after having practically given her the insurance money, while I had to wait till I was 17 to get a freaking permit because my job then wasn't the best paying(inconsistent hours, you know?). And, well, she's been "going out" with guys since she was in middle school, and has since then been using her privelages for what I consider less-than-appropriate activities, at least half of which my parents don't know about. And BRAGS about it to me and my baby sister.
Well, got a bit off track there. No, it's not right that she's changing up EVERYTHING like this for her new "love". If anything, he should be changing for her. It's generally the male that has to prove himself to the female, not the other away around. That's called nature. The fact that she's brought up, "Don't want me to be happy?" thing is a classic sign(to me) that she's trying to relive some lost youth. Especially the activities you describe, or more specifically, the lack of discretion they have while performing them. That's something that I would expect horny teenagers to be doing, not two mature adults. If and when you're going to be like that, go somewhere where people don't have to listen to you, like a hotel, or the apartment that's not occupied by other dwellers. It does bad things to the mind to think of the one who brought you into the world like that. Even worse to realize when they are, or heaven forbid, walk in on her(them).
If you truly are an adult, I would suggest finding somewhere new to live if things can't be ironed out. She's obviously more than ready to put her needs of her child's, and I can't say whether or not that will change, since I don't know her personally. Try to talk with her, make her realize how much you love and respect her for being your mother, and that her example and experience is still very important to you. And get across to her that the new guy is unwilling to show you any respect. My girlfriends brother is a bit immature for his age(in my opinion), but I make it my mission to get along with him, and it works out well. And I know that he has no problem with me, because he makes no effort to prevent us from doing so. If the boyfriend isn't at least willing to suck up enough pride to get along with you, then that already shows some of his motive, whether it be ulterior motives, or the absolute lack thereof.
I know it's got to be hard seeing your mom with anyone else after your dad. My parents divorced when I was 15 and my mom had her new boyfriend move in a month after my dad move out. It was very hectic. I didn't care for her boyfriend either. It's like she gave all of her attention to her boyfriend and not to you and it makes you feel left out of your mother's life. So I can relate to where you are coming from. If you're unhappy at home is there anyway you can move in with your dad? As a girl I know you need your mother but I would consider it.
