Angelfire: should i assume we broke up or what?

Hi there, I see you've given a ton of advice..and you're great at it! Just wanted your thoughts on this: My boyfriend and I had a terrible argument on Saturday night. He called to apologize for being so insecure and for creating problems (jealousy,...

possessiveness, accusations of cheating) in our relationship, and I was just so angry with him that I kept yelling at him. I was at my boiling point and questioned whether his apology was even genuine. We've had the same ongoing problems for a couple months, and we've never resolved them because he condescends me during our 'discussions'. I've walked out on him four or five times already. I cried during our first few arguments, and he just preyed on me...became irate and mean. Once I began standing up for myself, he just sat there and listened...and told me that he finds our arguments exhausting and he'd rather have me do all the talking. He's really hurt me, and he knows it. Anyway, I discontinued our conversation on Saturday night, and he hasn't called me since. I don't know what to think. Should I assume we broke up? I don't have the guts to call him..honestly. I miss him so much it hurts. I was thinking about just writing him a letter explaining my feelings CALMLY...I know that I'm not at fault, but it's not about whose right or wrong to me anymore. I think it will provide me with closure whether he responds to my letter, calls me, or not...at least he'll know where I stand. That's enough for me. Is that stupid? Or should I just let him go? I keep wondering if he's thinking about me too...or if he's just waiting for me to call him...even though I'll never know. We're both very stubborn, so it's obvious one of us has to let his or her guard down. Looks like its going to be me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Wow, sounds so much like my EX, and his now ex gf. He never behaved that bad with me, because as the saying goes, we teach people how to treat us. His last ex always did what he wanted, and didnt want her to do, because she thought it was better than making him mad. I on the other hand, disagree with that theory. Love isnt one person controlling another. I now see why my ex is the way he is with his gfs. His childhood wasnt very pleasant, and his parents were never around. It could be that your bf grew up with the insecurities that he is still exhibiting. Maybe he was bullied in school. If he was picked on as a kid, then he probably battles the fear of rejection and is very paranoid about the image he is projecting to you. He will have a hard time believing that you actually like him, or even love him. Maybe he is insecure because his last girlfriend was unfaithful. If your guy has recently been burned by another woman, then he will have less confidence in the female gender altogether, and he may be very bitter and cautious. He may be hesitant to put his trust in you because he fears that you will betray him. He could also be insecure because he feels intimidated by you. Many men are intimidated by women in powerful positions, such as a prestigious job or financial prowess. He feels inadequate to you. It is possible that he has never been challenged by a woman in the way that you challenge him. Maybe his parents had a very old-fashioned traditional relationship: dad in the workforce, mom in the kitchen. He is viewing you more as competition than as a girlfriend. Once youve determined the root of his insecurities, it will be easier to understand him.

If your bf is insecure, then you have to decide whether or not he is worth putting up with. If his insecurities lead to jealousy, then you might not want to waste your time. Many insecure guys want to have complete control over the relationship. They are afraid that if you are independent, then you will find a better guy or a better way to spend your time. They will try to keep a short leash on you, and you are likely to feel smothered. If you feel like your man is trying to get you to behave like a professionally trained dog, then you should get yourself out of the situation. If you stay in a controlling and jealous relationship, then you are leaving yourself open to the risk of a very unhealthy and possibly abusive relationship. If your guy is too insecure to trust you, then you are going to spend half of your time together defending what you are doing when you are not with him. Tell him that unless he wants you to become an ex, he has to learn to trust you. If you feel that his insecurities are mild, and he is just somewhat unsure of himself, then you have a better chance of making things work. It is common to have some insecurity -- you probably have a few of your own. You can't expect your guy to be perfect, but you have to require that he makes an effort to get over his insecurities, and not let them ruin your relationship. Don't waste your time trying to rid a control-freak of his jealousy and insecurities -- you are better off without him in the long run.

If a relationship doesn't make you happier, feel better, and content, it's not worth having.

Somebodys going to have to give in at some point, or your relationship will slowly start to deteiorate if this is an ongoing thing! So you really need to decide if hes worth all the stress, and if this is the kind of relationship you can live with. Give him until Saturday. Thats a week of hopefully missing you, and realizing whats at stake here. If you dont hear from him, then contact him somehow, but dont discuss your feelings over the phone, email, text, or AIM. I would do this in person.

Good Luck!!