How can i get him back?

okay this is a long one. so me and my boyfriend had a thing last summer and we liked eachother and we had sex and I had comfronted him later about liking him and he said he didnt want a relationship so we agreed to see eachother. seeing eachother I guess...

was sex and he dumped me 2 weeks later. 3 months after that we started liking eachother again an dstarted dating andthe first time we hungout I told him I was scared because of what happened in the summer and he said he had a lot of stuff going on like he was really into coke and just was trynna get his life staightened up. from the minute we started dating ( keep in mind he is the sweetest most honest guy not just saying that, hes actually one of those guys) I doubted him. I thought okay I wonder when wsere going to break up. about a month after we started dating I got really insecure and always got mad at him for stupid stuff. it was my own insecurity that was getting the best of me. and I kept acting different every time I saw him just thinking maybe hell like me more if I act this way and stopped being myself and just acted like a complete nut. he stuck by it for so long and about 5 months after that he said I just see you as a friend. when he said that I convinced him to keep seeing me like keep seeing eachother and wed call and hangout and have sex sometimes. and there were times where he would call me a lot and vice versa when ibecame insecure again. and even through these 3 months of being broken up and all that whenever I do say I dont want to have sex hes okay with that and keeps sticking around. I know he cares a lot about me. so we do this for about 3 months and just a week ago I confronted him about getting back together and he said he didnt want to. he hasnt been with any other girls and wont even talk to them at parties and stuff cus he doesnt want to hurt me. hes the type of guy that will end it if he really wanted to and hes told me a couple times he wants to get over me. but still keeps hanigng on. so a week ago we had this talk and agreed to stop calling and hanging out for about 2 or 3 weeks and we have the same close group of friends so I always see him at parties and were still cool and everything so we talk but it always leads into past feelings and I know it does with him too. between all this during htis 3 months of out post breakup relationship I tol d him I wanted to completley end things, but never followed through. I did it to get a rise out of him and just want him to beg me not to but hes not like that. so idn why I did it. I played some head games with him to try and see if he really cared. which was terrible of me to do and I feel sooo bad but idont want to apologize for fear that ill be one of those girls you cvan walk all over. I was really needy throughout most of the relationship as well. anyways point is I didnt give him the space he wanted when he asked for it. and it was his birthday a couple nights ago and we were kind of drunk and were on this whole trynna figure stuff out break thing the 2 or 3 week thing and we had sex. I acted crazy, obsessive. and I dontn know why he still wont let go. I know his family doesnt treat him the way he should be and it hurts him a lot and I treated him the way he wanted to be, if I had just left out the needy, obesessive insecure me we probably wouldve gotten married. because I acted like that is there anyway I can reverse how badly I fu*ked up? hes the type that distance gets to him. but I care about him so much an d find myself going crazy just htinking what if he ends it with me for good and I just cal him. he cares abotu me a lot too and still likes me. but its not the same as it was before. and im afraid that if I give him a lot of distance hell forget about me. I know he never will but still I just cant get over this hunch of mine. he knows il always be there for him whatver he needs. I just want to get back together so bad and I dont know if I fu*ked up irreversibly, I cant talk to him about it and be like dyu think im crazy? cu sthats crazy. can someone please help me out and give me advice on how to get him back, so he wants to be with me? I know you can tmake anyone do anythingn against there will, so please none of those answers, just advice. and I know that hell never completely end it with me, but I keep thinking he will. has anyone ever gone throughthis? I need to know how to focus on other things rather than sitting and being depressed and crying all the time over him. I know it was my mistake. and I regret it soo much. I have my good days where I wont think about him and be happy, because I nkow I dont have to think about him cu s hell always be there. someone help me, please

tell him this stuff. dont worry what hes going to think of you when you say it and just be yourself. if you cant say it to him, write it to him. then, back off for a little bit and wait till he comes to you. dont be the way you were before and just be yourself. thats the best you can do.