Having an affair with a married man?

I have been head over heels in love with the same guy for about a year. I never acted on it due to the fact hes married (although quite unhappily) and I dont want to be that girl. I came pretty close to making peace with all this when we ended up at a...

party together, that his wife didnt attend. at the end of the night he asked me if I was staying over, I said I was, and he informed me he was as well. nothing happened, we spent the whole night talking to each other. one of those great conversations that even though you have been talking for 5 hours, you have so much left to talk about. he informed me that his wife is horrible to him (which is obvious to anyone that sees them together). and that he has wanted to leave her for a while, but hes afraid of what a divorce would do to his family, who dont believe in divorce. hes only been married 2 years, and he only dated her for a few months before the marriage, so its not surprising it didnt work out. my problem is he told me that he wants to be with me, and took his ring off. I lied and said I didnt feel the same because I felt guilty. now im kicking myself and wondering what I can do. I really hurt him when I said that, he basically confessed his love for me and I just said no. what can I do if anything?

you have three choices.

be 'that girl'.. the 'other woman' and know that the guy your f*cking is married to someone else.

tell him as long as he has her ring, he ain't gettin your thing.

find someone else

first things first, one should never enter into a relationship until they can handle their own feelings, secondly I disagree with allowing yourself to feel anything for anyone already in a relationship. You can tell they are unhappy? Hmmm...could it be responsibilities or like children ,jobs, a morgage, credit card bills, utilities, ect...ect...ect... the old rule of thumb here is if they cheat on the husband/wife,or bf / gf ,they will cheat on you. life is uncertain and too short to waste precious time - would you believe just one side of the story or assume a book by its cover? wake up stop listen learn and grow make your own back yard and tend to it .

I have also been in a relationship with a married man. When I met him 5 years ago he wasn't married at the time. We have been off and on for several years. He married almost 2 years ago to a girl he was dating when we were dating. I have tried on several occasions to end this. He's the one that keeps coming back. He told me years ago that he would never say goodbye to me and that he would never get over me. He is my soul mate, I love him with all my being and he knows this I have never kept my feelings a secret. Yes its hard knowing he's going back home to his wife. Like most - there are children involved. They do not have children together. I remember when he got engaged he called me. It was on Good Friday and he was so nervous when he told me I was shocked and devistated. I was a wreck. I have never cried so may tears over a man and yet I still love him. I have tried to get involved with other men but how can you when your heart still belongs to someone else? As I said he keeps coming back our relationship is so intense and it's not just about sex. So, I don't know what to tell you. I hate being that girl we all keep talking about but we don't get to pick who we fall in love with it just happens.

My husband and I were separated, we were separated because he was a sex offender, but he met a girl that he works with a friend to him that I did not know anything about. Anyway he told this girl that I broke his heart and that I was not treating him right. She believed him, he divorced me for her we where married for 12 years, he new her for 6 months, his real reason for divorcing me was that I lost my job and he did not want to take responsibilities, being that I had always took care of everything, out of the 12 year we where married he paid or rent 8 times, he was a sorry man, all he did was go to work, he could barely keep a job do to his offense, now just got a pretty good job and his job knows he a sexoffender. I stopped loving him 7 years before we got a divorce, I tried to hang in there. Him being a sexoffender turned me off, mainly when I had sex with him, along with him not being the man of the house, he would not even take out the trash and that was all I asked of him. Before our divorce he said to me why you never put your leg in the air when we have sex, I said nothing, but I wanted to say was. …When I do It comes out because your___ is too short and I never wanted to give him head because there was nothing to hold on too, he use to get mad because I did not want to give him head while I was married to him, just looking at his body was disgusting to me, he was a very attractive guy, but when he took his clothes off I could just vomit, I got use to his body eventually over the years. Now he is taking those male enhancement pills he sent me a picture of his ___ It grew from a stub of 3 inches to 7 in a matter of weeks, for twelve years I had a stub. My point is that guys will tell you anything for sex. But I am glad I got a divorce now I have a real man that I can treat like a king and give him all the head and sex he wants.

WHAT A JERK.
He's a liar.
Don't have ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
If his marriage was so bad, he would have divorced her by now.
No excuses.

if his wife being horrible to him is not hurting his familly, then what is? he is pulling your leg. just like he wants you to pull his. get a life . if he realy wanted you he would have found you before any party.

he comes back to you either when he needs sex and his wife won't give it to him, or when they have a disagreement, or when he just wants to have some extra fun.

he made a committment to his wife, not to you... he's using you for his purposes. ten years from now his wife will have him, his home, his kids, his money, and you will have an empty heart and be 10 years older with no one to call your own... used merchandise.

well just lately I was with a married man...I love him.. I really do... we wre prettty much together for only about two months but in those two months his wife found out.. they have five kids together and he adopted her first kid from her first marriage..so in a way they have six kids.. I honestly don't think married men are worth it yes at the time it might seem as if he or she is the best thing that has ever happened to you but if he keeps on saying he is going to leave his wife casue he is not happy or that he loves you deeply and cares for you more then anything there is a great chance he really does feel this wa but don't sit around and wait for him to make a decision on what he is really going to do.. just end and find someone else if you 2 are ment to be together then trust me you well but if not then by staying wit him you could be missing out on a lot of other chances with men or women that are better then the one that you have been seeing... I LOVE you BRANNAN BUT I NEED AND WANT JAMES SORRY

really honestly.. hes not that into you... trust me if he do divorce he is not so reluctant to get into another serious relationship..

There is nothing you can do. Don't kick yourself. There is a reason his wife was horrible to him. It's because he was horrible to her, but doesn't realize how. Most men, no matter how honest their intentions are, are blatantly ignorant of themselves and their actions towards their wives. Throwing off the ring was only a show. Nine times out of ten Men don't leave their wives for another woman. That is a soap opera myth. The ones that do, end up treating the other woman in the same frustrating way he doesn't seem to get. Don't get me wrong, any woman who treats her husband like crap in front of others ought to have her face slapped. That is besides the point. If you end up with him, you'll end up with the same frustrating crap even though you may have enough class to handle it differently. When a woman appears brutal (although it's wrong)there's a reason. She didn't just pull her fed up position out of the air for nothing. Beware!!

You are me, 4 years ago. Me and my coworker got to be great friends. We talked all the time until all hours of the night. He had recently gotten married and I had a b/f. My relationship was going down in flames. He was very unhappy with his marriage. He had dated the same girl on/ off for a few years and make a long story short, felt pressured to get married. Our feelings started to grow stronger. He told me that he wanted to be with me and that he wasn't happy with his wife. I told him that I wanted to be with him too. We both knew it was wrong. We weren't looking to fall so hard for each other but we did.
So we started an affair. He too was afraid of what would happen with his family, but we didn't care b/c we fell in love with each other. My end of the story is that his wife found out, his family was ashamed of him and numerous friends and respect were lost. It's now been 4 years later and we are still going strong. I believe I have found my true soul mate.
In your case, it's better to come into the picture after he's been honest with his wife and deals with his family. In my case, things with his family and friends eventually got back to normal. But it took one hell of a long time and I feel I will always wear the scarlet letter around them. Trust me, it's some heavy sh*t that you don't want to go through. Being honest can save you both a lot of headache and heartache. Lets face it, being called a slut and a homewrecker isn't exactly an ego booster.
I know that there are dogs and douches out there. I know about the playas and hoes. But sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes you do have to take a risk and follow your heart. Just be prepared to handle the consequences for your actions. In my case, I did, and it was the best damn mistake I ever made.

well I would wait until he is separated or divorced form his wife. I mean, you may very well be in love with him and he may be unhappy with his marriage, but no matter how unhappy he is, you have to have respect for his wife. I mean if I was unhappily married, still wouldn't want my husband talking to another woman. Just remember to have respect and I would wait until he ofiicially calls it quits with his wife. I mean what if he decides he wants to work things out with his wife? You never know. I don't think any body wants to be that woman that almost broke up a marriage... If that happened, you would be in a messy situation...

walk away, nooo, I mean run as far away from this guy as possible. he is in no shape or form relationship material. don't be the reason he leaves his wife, I mean, come on, he has kids with her!!! maybe they are going thru a rough spot and you are a distraction. you deserved better and he and his wife deserve to figure things out without distractions.

In my opinion, you absolutely did the right thing. You lied but it's proper to turn him down because he is married. He maybe happy or not, they still have a family and you don't have the right to break it apart even though he told you he wants to be with you. Honestly, I've been there, done that and I regret it. At first it's going to be fine but as you continue along the way it's going to get ugly! Trust me! Uglier than lying to him and lying to yourself of what you feel for him. Don't ever stoop down on your level just using your heart. You have to use your brain and be strong. No matter how much in love you are to him, It's not going to make you happy taking him away from his family. He should have known better! You said you've liked him or in love with him for a year now that's why he is just probably fooling around. The best thing you need to do is stay away from him because you need to control what you are feeling for him, no matter how hard it is do not give up. It will not give you anything but painful memories. Good Luck!

are you all stupid? having an affair with a married man is selfish, and helping destroy his marriage. I don't give a shi* if he's unhappy or horny and he sweet talks you into saying he loves you and he'll leave her for you. if you have any self dignity or respect for yourself you wouldn't do that you would find a single man. unless your f*ucked up in your head and feel that your better than her cause he's choosing you over her, then you got problems. how would you feel if you were married and your man went off and decided to have an affair on you? and who's to say if he does leave her he won't have an affair on you? thats what im talkin about.

1. Your not having an affair because you haven't even had sex with the man or confessed ypur feelings to him.
2. Your not having an emotional affair because you denied your feelings for him.
3. Don't do anything stupid like HAVE AN AFFAIR
4. If he loves you and his marriage is as crappy as you say he'll get a divorce.
5. Don't give in because think he is a married man.
6. Don't feel bad you did the right thing.
7. Just be truthful and tell him how you feel but the only way you'll act on your feeling is if he decides to get a divorce and nothing can happen between you until his divorce is final.

if he will do it for you or with you ...he will do it to you. dont feel bad, he's the one with the contract

At the end of the day, if you guys get together, you are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that his kids will probably hate you. They will blame the lot on you, thinking that you stole their father away from their mother.

Clearly his children will mean a lot more than a relationship with you. Don't take it personally, but if they make him choose between you or them, he will choose his own flesh and blood.

Take yourself out of the picture and consider all involved. Whatever decision you make, you HAVE to be at peace with. If you are even slightly hesitant, don't bother.

Speaking as a child of divorce, you will have to endure a lot of awkward situations as the woman who is living with or dating a man with children. Like I said, they will blame you for the entire break up between their parents. If I were you I'd move on and find someone who will love you and who you can love without being or seeming like Holly Homewrecker.

step 1, divorce
step 2, remarry
step 3, ???
step 4, profit.

wow well he is clearly going to cheat on his wife so she means nothing to him so tell him that you all can hang out but if she doesn't matter it won't matter if they get a divorce but remember once a cheater always a cheater so what happens when your together do you wanna be in her shoes? I would leave her an anonymous
letter telling her thats what I would want if I was her. but thats just me remember you can never have all of someone when there is someone else