Getting hard to control...

I'm 25, female. I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. But he's exactly 20 years older than me. I'm very mature for my age, and I really do love him. He's been my first for a lot of things, as well as my first long term relationship.

The...

first time we were dating, we were together for about a year and I cheated on him. There's a problem with sex. I want it all the time, I think about it all the time. And he has no sex drive. So I bought myself a vibrator and watch porn. But everyone knows there's just no substitute for real sex. Not for me anyway.

Of course we're back together after a year apart. And we've had our longest stretch of being together now. I know I do love this man. But lately the no sex thing has really started to build up. I've waited a long, long time. I've tried everything to make him interested. Then I got myself toys and porn, but I'm not satisfied. I've talked with him honestly about my situation several times since we've been together. And all he really says is that he's sorry and that it's not me, he just doesn't have any sex drive. Then he'll say I'm just too young for him. Then I'll ask if that means we should split up and he says no. But I told him it has gotten so bad that I even think about other men and have fantasies. It's so terribly strong, especially when we're out around friends and there's other guys around. I just want to corner the other man and shove my tongue in his mouth and grab his package. My sex drive had gone through the roof lately and it's dominating my thoughts and body.

But then I'll start feeling bad because I feel so selfish about always thinking about my needs. Which I always think about his happiness. But I just feel terrible for being this way. But it's like some sort of instinct or primal rage inside me. I feel like a female cat in heat. I want it so bad. And I feel like a major slut or something.

But what's making me ask this question the most, is that I've set my eyes on a girlfriend's husband. I feel extreme attraction to him and just want to rape the phuck out of him. He's older than me, too, which I can't help being attracted to...

But being a homewrecker/total slut is something I'd like to avoid. But there are feelings inside me that are SO STRONG that I feel like I can barely contain it. I want to feel big, strong hands allover my body. I want to feel passion so strong that it makes me tremble with utmost ecstasy.

I don't even really feel like I'm looking for a new man. I just want some hot sex and some attention. My man never gives me attention...NEVER. And I pour affection and love upon him. Believe me that I'm upfront and honest with him. I've always told him how things are making me feel. He basically just says sorry about then acts pouty. Then after about an hour, things are back to the way they were again. It's like he doesn't realize how serious I'm being about this. I've tried to emphasize it even more just recently.

Soo, I just don't know what to do. My man is starting to feel more like a soul mate. But without the affection, passion, and sex. And I truly do love him so much. But I have no idea how to fix this/myself/whatever is wrong.

Then again, do I need a new man? Am I secretly wanting one? I feel unfulfilled and it's a terrible feeling for me. I need this so badly. More than anything right now. But when I think about doing anything about this situation, I think about how my man feels, and I start feeling like I'm just being a selfish b itch. Please just let me know how you feel about it. One of you might really help me straighten my life out and be happy.

I think you should choose what is most important, and besides, having an older boyfriend has bad things to it, including the sex thing, and also outliving him, etc