Friend's old crush q

whats the best way to get close to an old crush, especially someone you haven't seen for atleast 4 years, and haven't beeen tooo up close and personal with............I mean if I happen to be in her city should I approach her or not???? and should I take her to dinner or strictly lunch and maybe coffee???? you know its always harder to talk to a person when you care about them deeply. so lemme know how should I break it down with her...........how do I catch up without her friends being a hinderance, how do I get her to go with me so we can just talk..........and what if she says she's busy, should I just take that as a NO and move on??? or what if she doesn't respond to my email???? LOLOLOLOL.........ok this is pathetic, I'm not going to put my name on this, This is a friend's situation and LOL I can't believe I'm writing this as if it were me, but it was kinda cool pretending for a second..........anyways, he wants to get in touch with a crush of his, she happens to be in NYC.........so what now???? he asked me and I told him that I'll think about it.........LOL

thanks a lot

Dear Master of disaster,
There are to many what if's that you are worrying about. If you are able, go to NYC during or right after the holidays. If you go during she may say she has a lot going on with family and friends and is to busy.
What I would do, is to contact her by e-mail and get her phone number and play catch-up (a little) by phone during the holidays, little 5 -10 minute conversations here and there....Remember to ask HER a lot of questions, and being that you like her I am sure you will listen well.
Try and set up a time to actually go out on the town with her, where she lives (after the holidays). This will give you something fun and exciting to look forward to....maybe the second or third week of Jan. first part of Feb. etc....
You have to make contact with her and let her know (when the time is right, in person) that you have been thinking about her. If you don't try then you could possibly be married with kids to someone else (wondering) what if you pursued her etc....You don't want the what if's. Just do it, have a BLAST, at the same time. Have fun!!!! Hope this helps.
Familycoach

Dear master_of_disaster,
of course this depends on your friend and if he is in any type of relationship at the moment. Old crushes are fun to think about but we sure have to think about why they didn't work in the first place. Sounds like he's worried about her friends...hmm...what's the story with that perhaps they were the ones who saw the trouble in their relationship and convinced her to end it and that is why he would like to avoid them??? We all have old friends but old flames are best left extinguished. Unless we have children with our EXs they should remain EXs. Sometimes it's much more fun to think about what might have been than what was.
Sue...good luck to your friend.

Just ask her, or tell your friend to ask her, email or wateva but get in contact becos otherwise he'll always be wondering, say that you are in the area and would like the catch up if she is free, if she doesnt reply thats a big hint and forget her, but she may just reply and want to come along. Go for lunch or coffee and if that goes well ask her to dinner. Go with the flow, dont plan to much on what you are going to say becos it makes it more confusing. Just relax.

LOL.........thanks guys, thats exactly what I was telling him.........I was telling him to be spontaneous, and see if she's free, but then like yall mentioned she could be busy..........anyways, I believe he should take it slow and should work out the kinks slowly

btw, its not her friends he's worried about, well kinda, he doesn't know most of her friends right now, and he believes that maybe he might not be able to fit in........I dunno, the girl was a drama major out of college, and he just thinks that he's going to have to try to have her friends like him.........but I told him that the best is to be himself, because people studying theater will know if he's trying to act...........its obvious.......LOL

thanks a lot folks, keep the advice coming...........Happy holidays

btw I asked this because him and I are planning a trip out to NYC.........so go ahead from that point onwards.........PeAz

If you guys are going anyway, call her today and tell her you and you friend are coming to NY and take charge. Enough with the wondering if she/her friends will like you etc....

Call her, tell her you guys are coming in and you really want to see her.

You/him have/has been thinking of her and while you're there you want to take one night and go out (just the 2 of you)

Have fun
Familycoach