I don't know how to forgive myself

My father was abusive.
drugs and drinking too.
we moved out when I was in the middle of third grade.
they divorced.
we moved back whne I was in 6th grade.
I saw him a couple times.
I don't think he had changed.
a lot has happened.
and now I am in 10th...

grade.
we got into a fight over the phone and I haven't heard from him in months..
I don't know if he is dead or alive.
what he is doing, where he is.
I just regret the last thing I said to him.
IT makes me feel so guilty.
And I can't come to forgive myself for it.
I don't know if I can.
It's kinda hard to understand without knowing the entire situation.
I just want to say I'm sorry..
but I can't.
no idea how to forgive myself.

Ok, do you want to talk? I might be able to give you some conversation that might help both of us. I'm a Dad (so you know.)

Wow,I'm sounding older by the minute.

I left you a funmail

msg me I had the same prob

Well my father drinks and such... But he wasn't the abusive one, my mother was. So either one I stayed with I had it bad. You shouldn't blame yourself for what you said. You only responded out of anger which is normal. Heck, I'd have done the same thing you did. You don't need to forgive your father, he does not deserve to be a parent to you.

just pray about it and it will come to pass trust me it will I had some many thing happen in my life that I just pray about it an when you see him again just talk to him about everything that happen just open up.

im sure your dad loves you and im sure he forgives you, he was the one in the wrong, and I am sure he understands, you should try to find him, and maybe send him a letter...hope that helps hun

 
Just acknowledge to yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Our task is to learn from those mistakes.

Try contacting him and telling him that you are sorry for the disagreements you and he have had in the past and that you would like to start afresh and see if the two of you can't find common ground.

Tell him that you miss him and that you would like to have him in your life.

Do you have his number or address. If you have the address a letter would clear everything up I'm sure. I mean it is kind of good he's not always there because how he was but he's still your dad you should try to talk to him.

I would do all of that..
but I don't know where he is or if he ever has a phone...