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feedback on my poem?

I just wrote this. and it makes me cry every time. this is the deepest poem I’ve ever written. like most of my poems, it’s about my dad. please, if you read this, comment. thank you!

Im done apologizing for all of your mistakes and you being the only reason my heart aches. the wounds beneath my wings the sorrow in my soul everything I do is under your control. No matter how I try to erase your memories they’re spreading through my mind like a ravaging disease. Every time you lie is like a bullet to my brain And every day without you only brings me pain. And yet somehow I still wonder how you get a good night rest knowing that you walked away leaving me depressed. So with my head against the wall and still tears beneath my eyes how can you move on when you didn’t say goodbye. And each second that passes is a second gone to waste turning into minutes that cannot be replaced. But your selfishly thinking you can dance on top of water keep in mind you lost us dad, your only son and daughter.

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Answer #1

WOW!! that is real deep and touching, right to the core of my heart!! - I truly love how you brought out all your emotions and wrote it out!! you’ve got the talent of an artist!!

Answer #2

It sounds really good you should get it published. It speaks to a lot of people who feel the same way you do.Its personal and it sounds more reality then make up.I LOVE IT

Answer #3

WOW AND I THOUGHT I WAS A POET!! NOU IM NOT!! WELL KINDA I HAVE OVER 322 POEMS…BUT NOTHIN LIKE THIS!! =]

VERY GOOD WORK!!

Answer #4

I think it’s great! You didn’t use the word ‘I’ a single time. I don’t think. It rhymes too and I usually don’t like that. It flows good though. There’s a lot of feelings expresed in it.

Answer #5

Aw man it is really good, I have written a few poems of my own.

It is an awesome form of self-expression.

Answer #6

OMG that’s really deep and very good

Answer #7

I´ve read another poem of yours. and like OMG you have a gift! You just make so personal in such a way, words can´t describe.

Gosh I wish I was as talented as you are!

Answer #8

wow your realy good … your are very talented

Answer #9

I love how you have used poetry as a form of healing. it brings so much reality to your poem. very beautiful.

one thing I would suggest (coming from an english major’s perspective) is to go through it line by line to make sure the wording flows exactly how you want it. just polish, your work is great!!!

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