Family matters and boyfriend matters! help!

my parents are racist. not all the time, its kind of underline like small comments and sterotypes. but I hear them and it bothers me because my boyfriend is hispanic and that is one of the minorities they are racist about (and they do it when he is...

there and he picks up on it.) I would try to talk to them but they would just think I were being defensive to protect my boyfriend or they would deny it and get angry with me. anyone know how I could handle this?

they also don#039;t like my boyfriend and I don#039;t know why. he is perfectly polite and well mannered around them (which I can#039;t always say for them) although he is a bit shy. I love him so much and I want to show how wonderful he is but I dont know how. I would talk to them about it, but we aren#039;t that close. help!

If your parents are racist and wouldn#039;t listen to you then there is no need to talk to them. You won#039;t change their minds.

If you are old enough to move out--so so and establish new rules at #039;your house,#039; as in quot;please don#039;t talk about my boy friend, hispanics, blacks, greens, whatever in stereotypical way around me.quot; Yes, they won#039;t like it, but at YOUR house you establish the rules.

If you are too young to move out. Then just explain to your boy friend that yes, you know they are racist and you don#039;t like it. And you are NOTHING like them. I think he#039;ll know you can#039;t change minds that don#039;t want to change.

Most of all, do not fall down to their level of disrespect. Continue to be polite to them--as they are your parents and should be respected (as opposed to their views). Again, when you get your own place you can draw your own lines in the sand.

Blessings

There are many ways to handle every situation. It is always better in the long run to avoid a defensive position with family members and significant others. I think the ideal place is to demonstrate that you are above these issues. Not defending him will be a good start as well as not defending your family to the boyfriend. Both keep you out of the middle. The tact is to treat him as you do, and if any of your family treat him innappropriately then you would privately let them know that you are disappointed that they would treat someone important to you badly. Let them know that their actions make it hard for you and harder to stay close with them as a family member. This may seem like a threat but is is really what happens when family is insensitive. Most will realize that you are important and apologize and respect you more for your maturity... That level of racism is actually normal and is more about group/family bahavior (or norms) than actual feelings. They can change rather quickly when they realize a member of the group is not going to adopt the norm. Good luck this type of challenge can make your family stronger and healthier if dealt with carefully and honestly.