Double standards?

I have a case of double standards happening with my S/O.

It seems to happen with everything, but a good example is because of the places she has to go to get to work, I've asked her to call me when she's gotten there... I'm thinking, no big deal, I...

know she made it to work ok...

The same thing applies when I travel and I let her know...

Well, more and more, she's not letting me know, and it's beginning to get me pretty mad because I'm thinking it's just basic consideration. She's traveling 45min-1hr away, and a LOT of things happen every day on the roads between...

When I question her about it, she gets an attitude...

When I do similar travel, if I dont answer the phone every time, she seems to go nuts, and then calls back often and leaves messages like if I dont call she'll be calling to police to make sure I'm not on the side of the road anywhere because I didnt answer... USUALLY when I dont answer, it's because I was out of the car, or HEAVEN FORBID --- I was DRIVING, and paying attention to the phone was a bad idea at the moment, or in some cases, I had the music cranked up...

I don't know --- seems to me that she's holding a double standard --- its wrong for ME to get annoyed (and later mad) when she doesnt make a 2 second call, and she gets to do that and more if I don't!

It happens with other things too --- We have a 7yr old daughter, and I help her with her home work, and then when she (finally) comes home, she reviews it and corrects the daughter and then me for missing something... I say WTF! You want me to help with this or not? I graduated high school and college, I'm a pretty smart guy as smart goes --- But if SHE misses something and you say something about it... OMG! You'd think you found a flaw in the life cycle of the world!

Anyone got any ideas on this? Some thoughts? Am I out of line?

Her thinking --- and I've been down that road SO many times --- she's thinking I'm trying to control her --- because I want to know where she is all the time... Hmmm.

I didnt think asking for a call to let me know you got to work was considered controlling --- unless you're NOT going to work! Any more than it is considered controlling when she asks the same of me when I travel...

One side-bar to this --- she's cheated on me in the past --- and I found out about it, so in the back of my mind, I'm thinking her reactions to me getting annoyed with her, is her way of thinking I'm checking up on her --- Perhaps WAY WAY WAY out there I am --- but in reality --- there's a LOT of accidents on her way to work seemingly all the time, and she's also traveling into some less than nice areas... Is it a crime for me to want to make sure she got there?

I mean, this is only one example... I've probably got one for each category on here!

No, I don't think it's too much to ask your S/O (significant other?) to call you, if she expects you to call her Give her a taste of her own medicine. Stop calling her all the time when you get to where you're going or if you're running late and see how she likes it. That's probably not going to solve the problem, but it would prove your point. It seems to me like there is probably more to the issue than just a phone call, and being married myself, the only way I know to really solve anything is by calmly talking and being honest. But again, being married myself, I know that's easier said than done!! The cheating thing probably has a lot to do with your reactions and hers. She probably does think you're checking up on her. So what? Maybe you are and I think you have the right to. The one thing you can't do though, is to really let it affect your relationship anymore. She chose to cheat and you apparently chose to forgive her.

S/O = significant other --- I try to not use the term boy/girlfriend because we're quite grown and it doesn't exactly apply...but I supposed after 12yrs together, it's practically husband/wife... Anyways...

I've tried the sit down and adult thing --- never went anywhere. She's anti-confrontational, which effectively means it's a one sided conversation, especially when the discussion is about something she needs to work on changing.
You can't solve a problem if both sides dont want to negotiate.

I've also tried the bit of her own medicine... Went no where... in fact, it had a very negitive effect.

I think I've been quite reasonable about this double standard business --- seems that no matter what method I try to use to resolve it, it becomes spinning of my wheels so to speak...

If I take a step back and look at the big picture --- perhaps I've given her too much latitude and I've created at least some part of this issue. I know I have to step back being too close to it to logically come to a solution without making it a drastic one.

None the less, it quite frustrating and is beginning to create quite a bit of animosity from me to her, and we all know that isn't very good.

try not caring so much about this checking-in thing. she doesn't want to change so why don't you decide your sanity isn't worth the concern. stop calling and expecting calls.
write her a love note and stick it on the bathroom mirror. send her a solitary red rose
(delivered), make her -her favorite meal and do all the washing up. has it ever occurred to you that she may not have forgiven herself yet.pretend- phones don't exist. plant a huge kiss on her each time she leaves and one when she gets back. you won't be able to get her off of you and I suspect she'll be finding every excuse and opportunity to call.
Many blessings and happy hunting