Do you like this song I wrote?

I wrote this song about my ex-ex-boyfriend and my now ex-boyfriend tell me if you like this song.

It was one month after the day he broke her heard and she was falling very fast Her little heart was broken but before she knew she forgot about him faster than forever She kept looking for the one she thought she had & she found a boy Then she knew
[Chorus]
she could fall in love again because he held her in his arms Told her that he loved her. He kissed her in the rain and held her for forever.& she knew she found the one she'd always been looking for
They went everywhere together and she was always on his mind He'd see her in the morning an miss her an hour later They were perfect for each other and she knew she could fall in love again
[Chorus]
A few weeks later they had a lot of fights they wouldn't talk for days and she thought love didn't exist but he'd always find a way to make her smile so many weeks went by & she still wanted to be with him for ever & right then she was positive she could fall in love again because
[Chorus]
He held her forever & she knew she found the one she'd always been looking for.

no. it kinda sucks...
sorry.

Wow, it looks like too much detail for a song.

I havent even read it yet & it looks like way to muchhh!

thats a song?

well.
its not very good.
try again.

its a bit 2 much

it doesnt flow...

it's too detailed...

its not a song...

its a short story...

of your life...

I dunno, I can't hear it in my head... Record it and then ask when we can hear it. No one knows exactly how you're singing or delivering these lyrics so no one understands it. And don't get discouraged... my first song SUCKED!!! it was so embarasing, and I'm still doing music years later and I'm much improved. goto my homepage and listen to some of my music.

little song writing advice;

they need to be short and sweet
with catchy chorus's

it looks like it could be a very good song ;
its geting the point across
I could help you make it better or more PAZAAMM!!

funmail me or IM me on AIM [ blastitlouderx3]
we can talk about this.
[ don't listen to the gay fagtards saying it sucks, its very hard 2 write songs and I think you need a decent job...don't give up; just think alittle more. I listen to other songs for inspiration ]

Ouch. lol you guys are preety cruel?? lmao

OmfG!!!
I think it was a story about a Cinderella

I think you got somethin there,,
but waayyy 2 much detail,
and you say 'because' a lot.
keep workin
=]