Do i have bipolar disorder/depression?

I think I have bipolar disorder or some kind of depression, there is definatly something wrong but im not sure which one. Not 1 day goes by where I dont think about killing myself, I feel I deserve to die, I use to cut myself back in school. I have...

terrible moodswing, I dont mean from bad to good I mean from amazing to awful I suddenly feel amazing, smiley and so good then in a matter of seconds I can go to crying, thoughts of suicide. I have rubbish sleep, have put on a stone and a half in the last year. I always wonder why the hell I was even born. I feel stressed and impatient all the time, sometimes I find it hard to make decisions, even when im chosing a chocolate bar, the other night, I woke up from my sleep in some kind of fit, I couldnt breath, I was gasping for my breath and my heart was beating so fast, I dont understand why, because I was sleeping, I feel like I've lost my identidy, I dont know who I am anymore.. And have lost most of my confidence. Sometimes I find it hard to keep a convosation going with people. I dont know why.

Someone please help me, I cant tell my parents, they all ready think im wierd. And im scared to go to the docter, incase they make me take antidepressents or send me to some kind of mental home, I feel like im in a trap and theres no way out.

No one can diagnose you on here, and what will you do with a diagnosis any ways?
It does sound like it might be bipolar and the best treatment for bipolar is mood stabalizers... (despite the God squad believing prayer is the cure).
Is there a particular reason you are against taking drugs?
I suggest you talk to your parents, you're not wierd or crazy (we dont use those terms), you have a mental disorder... It's an illness, like pneumonia or a cold. And there's absolutely no shame in going to the doctor for that. They dont lock you up for having bipolar or depression or whatever it may be. Inpatient treatment is a last resort only used in extreme cases when people are no longer functioning or are a threat to themselves or others. Please talk to them. You dont need to suffer when there is help possible...