Why does he keep calling and what's with marriage talk?

OK, so ya'll were right. I was dumb for wanting to be with him (Zack). We broke up, and I seen exactly what I had been missing. He was abusive, controlling, and downright CRUDE. I want to apologize for MY blindness, and thank you all for giving GREAT advice.

Now to the insane problem at hand. I was recently in a relationship. We'll call him Bob... Well, Bob and I were doing great, despite his grandfathers efforts to have him shy away from me (the fat chick as the man had said) Well, thnigs went on, we argued and then worked it out. Now, Something similar and yet different has risen. He broke up with me and sid he needed to straighten out his priorities before stressing with a relationship, (which with me its NOT stressful... I make sure of that.) At any rate...He told me NO contact no matter what... YET he calls me, and tells me about his new job interviews, and tells me he still loves and misses me... And this morning, he called me, and asked me something strange... he asked if I was willing to move? Now before, he would joke about a white dress, a ring, and all that... what could be going through his mind? Could it be that he eventually wants that... or is he just being a guy( no offense to the others here) and playing mind games?? Please help me out, this is corn-fuzzelin'...

Athena

He sounds like one mighty confused male! but something is def going on, he broke up with you and told you no contact which means he has been up to something and didnt want your interferance. Maybe a new job? moving away for it? now he realises he wants you is considering asking you to move away with him? just take things slow, dont contact him and if he wants you he will make it known he wants you! then its up to you if you want to take him back, but find out what has been happening and why the strict no contact rule and then he broke it himself!

your telling me!! But the thing is, he didn't have a job, he quit the police academy. I mean he can go back, but it was his dream, and he thought I'd be disappointed in him... maybe he kindof wanted me to be... but all at the same time, its confusing. He's not wanted to go far, his hopeful job is about 40 miles from here... BUT... oh, I really don't know what to think about it... I'm respecting him, and his no contact thing... but I geuss he can't stand to be that long with out talking to me... its CRAZY... I'm not THAT special... am I??

Sounds to me like the more he is away from you the more he realises how great you were to him and he misses that. But he cant seriously thing about keeping this charade up, he can call you when ever he pleases, when he is lonley and he misses you and you are there for him, but you cant contact him? thats ridiculous and something you shouldnt comply with. Maybe to make your point when he calls dont take his calls and tell him that he cant call and use you and then you cant call him, its a 2 way street not everything his way! you have feelings to!

Wish I could do it as easy as you said it... but I can't. As much as I should be angry, I still care about him.. and, I'm not going to make myself unavailable to him... he does sortof deserves to be talked to... he's had it hard, and I think thats getting to him.. because he lost him mother 5 years ago, and then he said I had a lot of the same qualities...

oh I understand completely, easy to say when im an outsider with no personal feelings in the matter, but when you are in it you are in it and you feel it. You are the only who who nos the situation properly and we can only go by what you tell us. If you think he deserves your support and you to be there then you be there. I just dont want to see him using such a great women like yourself. Just take care and make sure he doesnt treat you to badly.

I don't think he'll hurt me... He's always so upbeat and happy,. never seen an ounce of violence in him. I would LOVE to know whats going through his mind though... asking me if I was willing to move? what?! Is he going to propose??!! I don't get it... geuss I just need something to keep me sane for the moment

Well just be there for him, it sounds like he ust isnt ready right now for the commitment but he is giving you hints that its on its way so just hang in there.

I will thanks...

He called me last night and asked me WHEN he gets his place, would I move in with him... do you think thats a bit of a hint? HAHA

omg he so wants to make a commitment to you its not even funny!!!!!!!! thats so weird he tells you to leave you alone and then asks you to move in with him? maybe you should ask him wats with the mixed messages and what he really is feeling?

I have... he goes into denial about it!! I don't really know what to think.... I do want to wait on him though... but I can't forever... he has to get straightened out... and he has to be the one to ask ME back... lol... I want to move in with him... but all at the same time, I'm scared. god I'm aweful...lol.

no your not aweful, when he asks you to move in ask him what you'd be moving is as...his roomate...girlfriend...fiance...and that should get the topic started becos you have a right to know what your getting yourself into, so when he asks for certain ask him where you stand.

Did that, he asked me why it was so important to have a label... WTFE!! I don't know where his MIND stands right now, let alone my status... (we faught last night... ) it seems all we do is quarrel... but then he calls me and tries to make up for it... he says he can't stand the fact that I could go to bed angry with him.... what in the world is going on with this guy?!

Look im in the same situation, im with a guy that doesnt want to "label" either but pretty much told me the other day he loves me so I understand your frustration. what my guy has explained to me is that he isnt ready for the seriousness and full on relationship status which is fair enough for me because I still get to see him a lot, he calls me, I call him, we hang out a lot and he said we are gona end up together but he is just scared and not ready for it now, I am all fine with it as long as he isnt getting with other girls along with me but he isnt so I can wait, but the fact that your guy has made you feel like you cant even call him when ever you want and its all in his control is really bad! you atleast need to feel you can call him when ever you need to but its all in his control and on his time which is bad for you becos why should you have to jump everytime he says so! you need to let him know it isnt ok what he is doing and if he keeps giving you mixed messages without explaining to you wats happening then I would give him the silent treatment for a while.

ya know, I'm glad your the one talking to me on this. but at least you can see your guy a lot... I haven't seen him in... almost a month. He keeps saying that with his new Job, he'll be out and about too much to see or talk to anyone... and yet, he had asked me to move in with him, and all that drama... He told me he loved me tonight... and I can only hope he means it... Silent treatment would be a good Idea, but I jump at the chance to alk to him, because I rarely get the chance to a private conversation with him. I love him... and I think its holding me down a bit... I just want to know what I can do about all this... but I geuss thats something I have to figure out on my own, huh... lol... thanks for all the replies, I know I must be annoying, but its good to know that someone out there listens... Lord knows he won't... not for more than 4 minutes anyway... HAHA....

No worries and you are not annoying me at all! Sorry but if my guy tried to pull this one id be giving him the silent treatment, your right atleast my guy calls me and wants to see me, if he told me not to call him and he doesnt want to see me but then asked me to move in and tell me he loves me id have something to say, even tho we love them doesnt mean we can let them step all over us! but you will work it out and it will get better, with him or without him you will be ok.

I done what you said. And now we are back together... So far so good, he's actually talking about a possible future between us if everything goes his way. He said he's sick of not listening to his heart or to God, and now, that he has finally understood what he wants out of life, he said he wants nothing more than for us to be together. He apologized for hurting me, said he'd never forgive himself... But that if I wanted to try "US" again just one more time, he would make it all as right as possible, and follow what HE wants to do. Not his family. It makes me happy that he has finally chosen what he wants to do, but at the same time... until he puts a ring on my finger, I geuss I may have slight doubts about it for a while... Do you blame me?

Yeah well... geuss what... he told me that his ex from high school had been calling him, and yeah I got a little jelous, I mean, I trust him completely in that area, but still got a twinge if jelousy... and he gets mad at me for it! Starts saying that I don't trust him, actions speak louder than words, and that he doen't know what to think about me anymore... good lord in heaven, what have I gotten myself into with this guy?! I don't know what to think myself... with him making such a fuss about it, maybe he has done something and not told me... I'm not accusing him of that, but thats what it makes me think. Maybe I'm making a mountia out of a mole hill, but then again... maybe all these fights and hard times is a hint...

So the truth comes out..ill tell you exactly whats been happening, his ex pops into the picture, he doesnt know how he feels, he breaks up with you so he is free to call her and see her when ever he wants to see if there are feelings there still. He decides there isnt so he wants you back all of the sudde and feels guilty about keeping it a secret so he tells you what happened but not the whole story. Its that simple! he was playing you.

yeah, turns out she was married looking for some legal advice from someone she trusted... we've fought about twice more after that, and I just told him... he either loves me or not, in either case, he needs to do something about it, either take a chill pill and get off his high hourse, or just leave. I told him that I can't take all that. I'm a woman with needs, and I have a life to go through with myself, yes I LOVE him... but I'm not going to wait on his every beck and call, because I have better to do. I am 19 years old, just found out that I'm not getting the support my parents promised to give me through college, AND I'm dealing with the stress and hurt with counseling because of a stupid rape... I have a life, and its not perfect, so the me being perfect option had better fly out the door! I still don't know what his opinion is of that, because he just hung him head and said ok. After that, the subject changed immediately. I HOPE I actually told him and he listen... but I doubt it. I don't want to lose him... but I can't lose myself to him. I've done that before and I can say from experience that its not worth it.

Sorry to hear about your hard times right now. And sorry to hear about you being raped, thats a horrible thing to go thru. But you know that right now you have to focus on yourself and healing yourself before you can deal with any of his immaturity. He needs to give you a straight answer, does he want you or not, and if he cant answer that then he needs to be a man and leave until he works out what he wants instead of stringing you along not knowing whats going on. You deserve the truth, he needs to work out what that is and let you know.