Control

ok, so I've been diagnosed with major depression and whatnot, and my counsler was worried because I was doing drugs, and so she told my parents., but she also told them about suicidal passing thoughts...and now im basically on lockdown...the medicine...

cabinet is locked, the gun safe, I cant lock a door, I cant close doors. and that really set off this even more horrible depression, of you know not being in control, and I had really strong suicidal urges, now they are gone, but how do I get control back into my life?

Well you should stop consuming those drugs.

we dont have any of the drugs I used to use in our home, so whats the point?

Agree to talk to people who want to help you. Opening up to people and proving you can be trusted is the way to go. I find that being up front and honest with my thoughts and feelings always feels the best, even though it's difficult. Depression causes a person to withdraw and live in their own head.. you need a reference point for your thoughts - someone to balance you out and talk you down. However, to get control again, you need to go against the instincts that tell you to keep to yourself and refuse help.

Your parents are afraid of losing you.
Explain to them that you have no suicidal thoughts progressively, that you feel better and eventually that you are ready to have control in your life again. Ditto at counselling.
talking online is great... you can really share your thoughts with other peeps. it helps a lot.
The good thing is that the suicidal thoughts have passed, and now you must explain the feeling of having no control.
x