Am I holding her back?

my girlfriend is bisexual, and I've been dating her for 2 years, and she only just told me a couple months ago, I was kind of shocked, but it didnt bother me, because she's with me, so it doesnt really matter. the only thing that bothered me is that she hadnt told me sooner, when she told me she trusted me and could tell me anything. and it bothered me more that she had told other people before she had told me, and she had told complete stangers that she met over the computer, before she even told me.
but anyway...
a while ago, maybe a month ago or something, we talked about it, and she said that if she was going out with a girl while she was going out with me, it wasnt really cheating, because she would just be 'exploring herself'. and since it was with a girl, not a guy, then it wouldnt be considered cheating. and I said, no, if you're in a relationship with me, and you start a relationship with somebody else, regardless to gender, its cheating. and I found out she had an online girlfriend, which kinda hurt me, since she was going out with me at the time.
and then a little while after that, she told me that I just dont understand since im not bi and she is, so she talks to other people on the internet who are bi about stuff, that I wish she would talk to me about. and she tells me about how she needs to find her real self, and explore and see if she is lesbian, or straight, or bi, or whatever. she doesnt really know if she's bi, she said sometimes she finds herself attracted to other girls, but the thought of being with them and doing stuff with them kind of grosses her out. so she wants to explore. it kind of hurt me though, because she's pretty much telling me that she wants to go out with girls while she's with me.
so lately I've just been thinking, im holding her back from herself. so I dont know if I should stay with her or not. I've been with her for 2 years, and I really love her. but if she needs to explore herself, I dont want to be holding her back. and I especially dont want her going out with other girls while she's with me.
I really dont know what to do, and its killing me inside. I love her, so much. but if im holding her back from being who she wants to be, then should I let her go? for herself? I dont know...im really confused...

Hun, I think she's holding you back. And your right, it is cheating, regardless of the gender. I think you should do what ever makes you feel better.

although not many men think like you...and lots of people would agree with her saying its not really cheating,including me.she has to respect your view and feelings on this subject.you are and have been a couple long enough for your view and feelings to coencide on these mattters.tell her you really dont agree with her doing this...although you may want to give it a try...but if your truly set on this I suggest you put the relationship on hold she does need to find out what she needs...but thats no reason for you to let her hurt you.
-v-

I think even though you love her you should let her go.If she has to sneak around behind your back then like when is she faithful and truthful?I totally agree w/your point of view on the cheating thing too.I'm toatally straight though.bi and same freaks me out to no end.I'm not against it but like keep it away from me and we're good.You seem like you're too sweet of a guy to have to deal w/ this.I mean didn't you make her a cd for christmas?You don't have to deal w/this you will find a girl who loves just you I PROMISE., Chayla

okay I didnt read the whole thing but I just want 2 say that dont let her take advatage of u.keep your eye on her cause you might think she is just hanging out wit a girl but they are really together

thank you all for the replies.
I dont think she is talking to any more girls in that kind of way anymore though, because I told her I didnt like it. but that really isnt the point, I just dont want me to be here holding her back from finding out who she is. because if I wasnt with her, she probably would be exploring, and doing what it is she needs to be doing to find out who she is. so I dont really know...I really love her, I dont want to let her go, but if its what she needs...then I guess I have to.

and im not letting her take advantage of me, we've been going out for 2 years, so I trust her. if she says she is just hanging out with a friend, im going to trust and believe her. I know her friends, I've met them all, and I know none of them are like that. and I trust her enough to believe her. plus there is no way I would be able to keep an eye on her, she lives a half hour away, and im only 16 so I cant drve or anything. but I trust her, so it doesnt matter.

thank you

Tell her that you also want to explore your real self, so when she will go out with someone else, you will do the same, regardless of the gender (I mean with a nice girl, but keep it for yourself). Well, the only possibility to solve this problem is that if she and her girl will accept you in the relationship - including the bed. Then it may be a real nice experience. For all of you. But if they close you out, then you have also to find somebody else for yourself, and you will close out them from that relationship. What she wants to do now, is a certain desertion: you have to wait for her while she enjoys the life with somebody else. I would not accept this situation, you are too young to be a 'cuckold husband'. Later, when you will be tired of a long relationship, then you can be that. At about your fourties.

But I dont, I just want to be with her. I dont want that at all, I dont want to go out with other people while she is going out with other people, I dont want that in the slightest bit. I want to be with her, and I want her to be with me.
are you seriously suggesting that I join her while she's with another girl? ok, I am not that kind of person, AT ALL. I dont want her having another relationship with ANYBODY while she's going out with me, regardless to whether they accept me or not.
I love her, so im not going to sit around while I know she's with another person, thats stupid.
and she isnt even in a relationship with anybody else at the time, it was a couple months back, and I told her how I felt, and she stopped talking to the person. but thats not the point, I am just worrited that she wants to go out and explore herself, but im the one holding her back from doing so.
if I found out she was going out with another person, I definitely would not be ok with it, and I definitely wouldnt be waiting for acceptance from them. she would have to chose one of us, and that would be that. if she wants to be with somebody else, that would hurt a lot, but so be it. if thats what she needs.
but that isnt what I want, I want her to be with me, but at the same time, I just want her to be who she wants to be, and I dont want to hold her back from that, I care about her way to much to know that im keeping her from being herself.

You are areally admireable person.You should tell her that if she ever does want to be with someone else to ''explore' that she'll have to choose either you or the other person.Love does hurt sometimes but if it's better in the end you both may want to talk about it.You sound like a really great guy and you have really good morals.I hope she sees it.If she does choose to go out w/ someone else though it's really better to not take her back after she's done messing around.B/c then she'll think she could do it again.I mean it's your choice what you do but wouldn't yo rather get hurt once than all the time?This is kinda wierd b/c you sound like you have the same kinda morals and personality of my husband.I'm totally not like your girlfriend though I'm 1000% straight and I always do what ev makes my guy happy.I'm not saying she's bad or anything but she seems kinda fickled.Like has she ev cheated or came close? Or did she relay to you that she'd been thinking about it?I really don't understand where she's comming from but I understand where you're comming from you're attache and love her right?I'm only 18 but I've been w/ my husband since I was12.It's always been serious and I mean I've never done anything too wrong like the worst thing I've done is sneak out and take a walk downtown when he was coming to pick me up lol.So yeah we base our relationship on trust too.The only thing that's diff is we stay away from a lot of people our age b/c they tend to try to make things worse.Like they act all two faced and vindictive and I just block it out.I mean don't get me wrong we have friends just only a few real friends.So what I'm try'n to say is that if you want this to work you have to set boundaries.Don't be too bad about it but don't be too paive either.Another thing you gotta do is be straight and voice your probs,concern,etc.If she still dosen't understand you should at least consider moving on.I'm sorry but I've never been in his situation.I just wanted to help you.You also have to be true to yourself and not make up excuses for stuff you don't agree with.And you have to be real with her and always tell her the truth and if something bothers you.

thank you. we havent really talked about it for a while, but if it comes up, thats what I would tell her.
yeah, thanks. well yeah, if she ever decided to leave me for somebody else, god forbid, then I wouldnt take her back if something happened. she'd of made her choice, I wouldnt want it to happen again.
yeah, well she only recently told me she was bi, it was a couple months ago, and I thought she was kidding. the way she brought it up, thats what made me think she wasnt serious. she just asked me out of nowhere 'would you be mad if I said I was going out with another girl over the internet?'
and I said yes. but I was like, you arent though right? and she said she was, and I was really shocked, I had never expected it at all. and she told me she was bi.
thats the closest she's come to cheating, never in person though, only over the web, which is pretty creepy, but whatever.
it scares me more though, because before then its like im hoping that while im not with her, no guys are hitting on her, or anything like that. and then I found out she was bi, and now thats like, double the worry. but I trust her enough.
but it just hurts that she's told a lot of people before she even told me. and she goes on websites and makes friends with a lot of bisexual people, and talks to them about stuff, that I guess I wouldnt understand, from what she tells me. but she just doesnt give me a shot.
I'd like to think that im a good boyfriend, so I dont really know why she doesnt trust me with those kinds of things, but whatever.
I just want her to be happy with who she is, I dont want her to stay with me forever, and than wonder what could have been.
and I also dont want her to stay with me for a long time, and then when we're older she wants to 'explore' since she never got to before, which would hurt even more since we would have been together for a long time.

I dont know, its all so confusing. I love her so much, and I want to be with her forever.
but if that means stopping her from being her, or setting myself up for something bad, then I dont know. I dont want to be selfish, I just want her to be happy.

its definately cheating people here do it all the time do alltough for the most part its mostly girls who do it being bisexual doesnt mean you get one of each and I think that thought itself is idiotic and imature if she thinks like that she honestly needs to grow up id get rid of her because she seems rather imature and is taking advantage of you..I know its hard to let go of someone your in love with but trust me youll feel a lot better without always wundering what she does with her 'friends' when you arent around

You sound like you are a good boyfriend.Don't think you're not b/c she's ?'ing herself.A lot of people would love for their guy/girl to be as loving and caring as you are.And I mean even though you can trust her you CAN'T trust the other people.My husband~when we were going out had to put up w/guys hitting on me like every day.We lived in a neighborhood where like 7 other guys my age lived plus his 4 brothers.So there was always tension and jealousy.He trusted me and I mean I had to deal w/ allthese guys for 5 years. I h8'd it okay.I only wanted to be w/ my husband.What I'm trying to say is that you should be able to trust her but I don't know about the whole dating on internet thing~awkward~so um mabey you could still trust her but not 100%?Well anyways you can't trust other people.They're jealous,and love to try to ruin good things b/c it makes them feel all big and hot or what/ev else they think.I'd love to help you more but I gotta take my puppy out so you can funmail me if you want or I can funmail you l8'r : )